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Can't cope with my baby(36 Posts)
My baby is 2 weeks old and don't feel I can cope anymore with this constant crying and lack of sleep. My boyfriend has been great but he is back to work next week so won't be able to help out with night time feeds or during the day.
The baby just won't settle if we try to put her down anywhere and cries all the time unless one of us picks her up and cuddles her (or I feed her) but then I can't do ANYTHING around the house or even get myself a drink or breakfast never mind doing any tidying or housework I need to. I am usually on top of everything and hate not being able to do anything.
I'm just feeling very down, missing the spontaneity of my 'old' life and can't cope with being a mum. I feel like I want to get her adopted and then feel guilty because it's not her fault but this constant crying and lack of sleep is just a nightmare. ((
Please tell me things get better??
Everyone goes through this, I'm sure.
You don't need to do anything round the house, stop trying.
In a few weeks she'll be sitting up watching you hoover.
Just sleep/relax at every opportunity.
Poor you. Haven't got long to type but didn't want to read and run. Poor you.
From my experience, DH going back to work wasn't as bad as I had feared.
Don't even think about housework. If you can't even wash up a mug, it doesn't matter, your partner can do this when he gets home.
Get out. Make new friends at surestart centres, playgroups and you can sit in their houses and drink coffee! It's so good for your spirits.
I had NCT friends so we used to email through those long nights, come on mumsnet at 3am. There's bound to be someone around.
Take each day at a time. It does get easier.
And finally, don't feel guilty. Motherhood came as a massive shock to me. I read on mumsnet that someone said they thought it would be like getting a cat. I identified with that. I didn't have a clue. But it becomes great!
Was also about to ask if you had a sling. I can't recommend one highly enough. You keep baby close so they feel comforted while you get to do stuff like eat and make a cuppa!
Lily, you poor thing, it does get better, honest. First babies are such a shock, nothing can prepare you for it; eventually though, in small increments, you will get the old you back. Now, short term, the sling is a good suggestion, you can at least potter around with baby attached. Do you feel up to going out? Any baby groups near you? Did you attend antenatal classes? (I didn't as DC1 was a premie). Try and get out. Can family come and help out? Just to hold baby for a couple of hours for you to sleep preferably? Alternatively will they come and clean, tidy, maybe do a bit of ironing?
Thank you so much all. Yes I have a sling, she liked it for 5 mins then was wailing again. I didn't go to any antenatal classes as we're moving house so wasn't sure where we'd be living , I just don't think I'll be able to make it out of the house for a while.
Things get loads better. I think having your first baby is similar to being hit by a truck.
One practical thing is that a baby that won't settle at all in the house is sometimes quite entertained (and then sleepy) when being pushed around outside in a pram. Staying in will feel claustrophobic after a while.
My HV gave me the brilliant suggestion of making myself a "packed lunch" - so when DP is home, make a sandwich for the next day. Then you just have to lift it out of the fridge.
Have you looked at why baby is crying so much? There's probably nothing wrong, but it's possible she has a wee bit of reflux or something that's making her uncomfortable. Maybe worth asking your Health Visitor. Also make sure you tell your HV how you're feeling - she should have some ideas to help you.
I found that things improved at about 3 weeks, and then again at 6 weeks. The baby just seemed more settled or something. They also quite quickly get to a point where they can be entertained, so you can stick a toy on the pram and they'll happily watch it for a while, and you can do other stuff.
Aw Lily you're not alone I felt just like you, and also felt like I couldn't speak to anybody about it. I remember 'joking' to my MIL about giving DD up for adoption and wanting to cry
again when she looked at me like I was crazy. I used to fantasise about being in a minor car crash so I could go to hospital and have a rest.
Anyway, fast forward to even 2 months, and DD was way more independent, able to play with a toy alone. By 5/6 months she could sit up and didn't have to be held/carried all the time. Now at 9 months she's crawling, a total joy to be around and I enjoy every day with her. It DOES get better - much easier and more enjoyable - but it takes time. In the early days, DH having DD for half an hour each morning was a godsend so I could get dressed and have something to eat. Could your DP do something like that to give you a chance to get ahead of the day?
I used to make myself a packed lunch too
and drop sandwich crumbs on DS's head and had a sports cap drinks bottle which I carried round the house with me. Things you can just grab, like bananas, are also good.
Ignore housework! If it really bothers you, is there someone who can watch your baby so you can do some hoovering etc?
What got me through being stuck to the sofa was trawling the TV guide for anything and everything I may like and recording it to watch during night feeds/ baby's naps on me.
The first few weeks are very tough but you will get through it and, although tough in different ways, it gets more rewarding as your baby interacts more and becomes a bitter independent.
Hang in there, and enjoy the
Settle on the sofa with a flask, lots of snacks and a box set. Don't worry about putting her down and getting jobs done. Just cuddle and enjoy it! It won't last for long and on a few weeks all will have changed.
I could have written your post myself as I felt exactly the same. At one point I begged my husband to take him back to hospital as I just couldn't cope and was convinced no baby could cry so much.
No one tells you how hard it's going to be. Or in my case, I was completely naive and didn't believe it. However, all the other posters are right. You are not alone and it really doea get easier bit by bit. I called my husband sobbing every day the first week he was back at work. But I got through it. Now at 7 and a half weeks my DS cries less (he hit his peak at 6 weeks) and is so much happier. I can even put him down for up to 10 minutes!
Be kind to yourself, get out every day, let your boyfriend take her more at the weekend so you can catch up on sleep and remind yourself this will pass.
Oh and definitely persist with a sling/carrier.
When they let me home from hospital 5 days post birth I didn't think I'd manage to get to DD's 10 day check up safely. I learnt to do sooo much one handed. Don't put pressure on yourself - get a vacuum mug with a lid so you can carry a cuppa & the baby safely. Do nothing but sleep & feed (yourself and baby) & drink & watch TV for a few weeks.
(DD is now 18 & at 2am I dropped her to the Aircoach to join 30 schoolmates for a post exams holiday).
Despite all my fears (& the hallucinatory tiredness) I got through it all, as you will too!
By "drink", I mean water & tea & juice etc, not booze!
Try to get out of the house.
I remember being gobsmacked when I managed to get baby dressed and into pram that everything and everyone was going on as normal! I was in such a baby centred panic at home.
Don't do anything just have a walk. Fresh air and sunlight is good.
I've felt exactly like this with both of mine (10 years apart as it took me that long to forget how bad it was!) ... the whole "sling" thing didn't work for me either, neither of mine liked it and frankly I wanted some peace from the baby, not to be strapped to it all day long! (Harsh but true).
What helped me was getting out of the house for long walks with the baby in the pram, getting a really good vibrating bouncy chair the baby would sit in that I could bounce with my foot while I ate (!) And also just getting into a good routine... I know it doesn't suit everyone but I needed some control back so I made sure we were all up everyday at the same time, going to bed at the same time and not having naps longer than 2.5 hours during the day without a feed (loosely based on dreaded Gina Ford but I would feed on demand).
It made me feel a bit more in control and may be coincidence but both mine slept through from about 9 weeks and even now my youngest (aged 3) still has a 2 hour nap and sleeps 12 hours a night...
Things do get better with time. These are really early days. .
Aww lily getting through one second one minute one hour is the key
I could of written your post! My DD is now 14 weeks. I sobbed to a bemused midwife, my DH and my DM that I needed to dust!
It completely took me by surprise how all consuming this tiny human was.
I promise you it will gradually get better. DD will go in her bouncy chair and is quite happy watching me potter around and the last few nights I have been able to put her down and coke down stairs and have some quality time with DH.
I found getting out to mother and baby group helped alot. Just to see other mums going through the same things.
Ive been there too. Its bloody awful. DS is 9 months now and its much more fun. Day by day x
Agree with the rest.
I used to make up a tray of food/drink in the morning before dh went to work. Put i the tray on the coffee table next to the sofa along with book, TV remote, phone charger etc and spend the day snuggling do and watching box sets. It will get easier... who cares about house work!
You are not alone. The first few weeks are so very difficult. Just keep going. It does get much easier.
I'd get your boyfriend to make you sandwiches/wraps or whatever in the morning and drinks by the sofa etc so you can eat and drink while he's away.
Don't feel bad, it is incredibly hard, I thought all the things you thought and now I have an amazing toddler who is the light of my life. He is so much fun and independent and life has returned to manageable and with elements of spontaneity.
One day at a time. You are doing great.
OP I was just like you. I couldn't wait to put DD down and just get on with things. It was only when I relaxed and just sat down fed and cuddled that I felt better. This stage doesn't last long. Your baby just wants her mum! Cherish it. I wish I had those days back, minus the crying though!
Other suggestions are good. I found putting her in the pram and going for a walk really helpful got her to sleep, I got fresh air and a sly Costa on the way home!
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