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I can't accept I'm a mum ! Feeling trapped and anxious(36 Posts)
Hi all, I have a beautiful healthy 9 week old little girl and whilst pregnant I couldn't of been happier as after ttc for 4 years I thought it would never happen, but since the birth (emcs at 37 weeks) I feel I no longer recognise myself. I'm still trying to live the independent life I had before, get up and do what I want, when I want, I suppose that makes me a selfish cow but I can't seem to accept the fact that things are going to be different now. My dd sleeps well at night only waking once or twice for her bottle, but during the day she drives me bonkers ! Cries most of the day and so I'm unable to get myself ready to take her out anywhere and she fights sleep ALL day. I'm still waiting to feel the overwhelming love other mums have, I feel as though she could be anyone's baby at times. When I hear her wake in the morning my tummy turns over and I feel really anxious, I'm so stressed with this new life of mine ! I don't really have a lot to complain about and feel so bad for feeling like I do, she would be better off with someone else. I'm sick of crying day and night and any food I eat makes me want to vomit. So many times I have told my partner to take her away as I don't want her anymore, I'm not enjoying this one bit as these thoughts worry me that something bad will happen to her. I'm so confused ! Can anyone relate ? If so how did you overcome this ? I know I'm being selfish so im fully expecting an ear bashing.
Thanks in advance
I don't think any new mum deserves an ear bashing, and you certainly don't.
I am worried about you though. I would really urge you to go to your gp and explain how you feel, no matter how bad you think it sounds. Im not a doctor but I am thinking you could have pnd.
If you get some help now, you could be feeling better quite quickly and really start to enjoy your time with your dd.
You are not being selfish, and you are not failing in any way. I think you might be not very well. Pnd is very very common and nothing to be ashamed of, but it would be awful to let it ruin motherhood for you. Please be brave and go to the gp.
Keep posting about your feelings. Many women on here have been through similar experiences.
Just to clarify pnd is post natal depression. Have a look at the symptoms online and see what you think.
No ear bashing! What you're experiencing is PND, which is so very common and treatable. No one will judge you but you do need help and you need to be honest about it. Ring your GP, love. So you can get back on the path to feeling healthy.
Thanks for your replies, I agree I need to see my GP, although I know once get talking the flood gates are going to open ! But if I don't go I will end up looking back on this and regretting not getting help sooner. I'm not sure if it's pnd or the fact that I'm just not cut out for motherhood and never will be, but the last thing I want is my dd being affected by my mood and the occasional shouting at my partner.
Post natal depression sweetheart, clear as day to someone who has had it too like me.
Nothing wrong with how you feel, but getting to a doctor will help you start to enjoy your baby more. Both you and your DD deserve that.
Best of luck.
It will be the PND, almost definitely.
The GP will be very understanding and will listen to everything you say, even if you have to have a cry.
It's such a horrible feeling isn't it. It doesn't help that I know several other new mums who say they are getting on really well and they love their babies no matter how much they cry or fuss ! A friend of mine has a 7 week old baby who has become ill and has to have a brain operation, Yet she is coping so well, this makes me feel so ungreatful. For those who have suffered with pnd, how long was it before you started to feel better ? There is obviously light at the end of the tunnel but at the moment I'm unable to see it. I feel as though I have ruined my life but I really want to enjoy my time with her.
"But if I don't go I will end up looking back on this and regretting not getting help sooner."
Go to your GP, tell them how you're feeling. Do not feel bad about it. You're going to feel anxious. It's a big thing. If you don't feel like going to your GP (or you are not satisfied with their answer), try to confide in your health visitor. I wish I had. When she asked if I was depressed, I said no and laughed. I wish I had actually told her how I was feeling, because no one else asked how I was.
And trust me, I know what you mean by you feel you no longer recognise yourself. I felt like my head had been put on to someone else's body and I was living someone else's life! But you will see you soon.
Thank you Lonz, Im taking little one to clinic this week so I will speak to my hv and hopefully get to see my GP, I didn't want to resort to taking medication, but the relationship I want to have with my dd means more to me than pride, I suppose everyone needs a little help in different forms occasionally. I too have been asked several times by my hv how I was feeling and I said I was fine, I realise now I was just kidding myself.
Pls do talk to the HV OP.
I felt like you did. I was felt I was surrounded by women who loved motherhood/their children whilst I felt miserable and overwelmed.
I went on a low dose anti-d for a year. Best decision ever. After 5 weeks they kicked in and I felt like me again.
I too was against taking them, but actually the fact they kicked in as they did helped me to accept it was an illness like any other.
Wishing you well.
Yes to all of the above. You've already taken the first step by posting on here. You are most certainly NOT on your own. All the very best
Just thought I would give a quick update, went to the hv who seemed concerned for me and advised me to see my gp, she was absolutely useless and basically told me to get on with it. My dd has now started screaming from 10am until 9 pm every day unless she is being held (sometimes even holding her doesn't stop the crying) she seems extremely restless and the only thing that keeps her calm is her bottle. I feel no compassion when she screams, all I feel is anxiety and frustration. I dread getting up in the morning as it's going to be another day and another battle. I'm at my wits end !
It is a total shock having a baby, it turns your life upside down and it is totally natural to get freaked out. Seek support if you need it but do not beat yourself up about how you feel. Does the baby calm down if you carry her in a sling? It was a life saver for us. That does sound like quite a lot of crying, no wonder you feel exhausted.
Ps see another GP that is totally unacceptable - if you have the energy make a complaint. You are being so brave asking for help, it is really important for you and your baby that you get it.
Pls see another GP or call the HV and ask if they can get you to see someone else.
Yes you must see another gp and fast. You almost certainly have pnd, the way you were fobbed off by the doctor is absolutely disgusting.
I've had pnd twice, the quicker you get it seen to, the quicker you will start to get some enjoyment out of your new life- which you totally deserve to.
Unsolicited advice alert- have you tried a dummy? A big part of my anxiety and distress when I had pnd the first time was the fighting sleep/unsettled nature of my son. Looking back he was actually very normal but it was excruciating for me to hear him fussing, my stomach was churning non stop, I was a nervous mess. Anyway, I gave him a dummy at about 7 weeks and it took the edge off it. I was diagnosed with pnd a few weeks after that but it did help a bit in the meantime.
Good luck op. You're going to be ok, that much I know!!
Maybe check with HV if there are any support groups in your area? Sorry your gp was so rubbish. You deserve better.
Op you really haven't wrecked your life. The chemicals in your brain are just a bit fucked up right now, you're exhausted, you're not eating, you're body and mind are quite literally shell shocked at what you are having to adapt to. You must go easy on yourself. I promise you it does get better. But get some help asap.
I remember that feeling of horror that you can't give them back... Soon you will forget that you ever didn't have them around I promise. You don't have to be a perfect mum either, just get the help you need so that you feel you are good enough. I felt so terrified that this little creature was relying on me. I don't understand how anyone doesn't get PND!
You haven't wrecked your life and it really does get better.
Its a massive, massive adjustment and is much harder for some people than others.i had awful PND and struggled hugely with mourning my old life. It took me a long, long time to adjust.
Do you have anyone to talk to?
Your GP is an arse and it was very unlucky you got her. She's wrong. You shouldn't just get on with it.
A similar thing happened to me when I went for counselling because I am trapped living in a country I do t want to be in. I went and the woman was English too and just banged on about how great it was here and how I was a fool to want to be elsewhere.
You need to see another doctor. And as soon as you can too.
Compare it to a broken leg. It's something that has happened to your body and it can be helped with professional help. Nobody would expect you to just get on with it.
You will feel better sas,eventually. Meanwhile,you need a GP's support,and also your DP's.
I have tried a sling, she hated it, I hate it also ! But I'm looking for a more suitable one as she seemed uncomfortable in the one I have so that's definatly on my to do list. I keep trying the dummy which she currently spits out , if she isn't sleeping or eating there's a 90% chance she is crying and unsettled. When I told the go about this she simply told me to take her out in the pram, which isn't always practical whilst it's raining etc :/ took her to baby group today and she was ok for an hour and it was good to get out and about. But as soon as I got home the hysteria started again. Dp couldn't calm her either so it's not just me.
Yes my gp is definatly an arse ! "You'll just have to ride it out" was her exact words
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