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HELP please! Clingy 3 month old

(5 Posts)
Momo24 Mon 01-Jun-09 14:05:03

My DS is 14 weeks old and refuses to play by himself. During the day he wants to be carried around or sat in my lap. It is really lovely but just means I can't get anything done...even go to the loo at times! How can I get him to entertain himself and be comfortable being alone in a room??

omaoma Mon 01-Jun-09 14:20:09

hey momo, muchos sympathy. my five month old is pretty good about this sort of thing but i do know how you feel about having to be constant baby entertainer! my suggestions would be:
- get some type of sling - quite a few things you can get done while wearing one if a bit slowly eg, hanging washing, putting clothes away, filing/minor tidying, watering garden. i even successfully washed up when dd was younger! talk while you're doing it. added bonus that it seemed to tire her out being in it so she'd then go to sleep and i could do even more...
- 'activate' your son with some intensive playing with a gym/mobile and he may well carry on by himself happily. granny and grampy were particularly good at this as could tickle and coo dd for a good 15 mins non-stop
- equally do a long ficussed stint of playing with him so he falls asleep (see previous point!)
- do at least one baby class a week where he gets your undivided attention/fun so you get some ideas and you don't feel guilty
- go out for a long walk every day so he falls asleep and hopefully stays so for 30mins or more when you get back
- never turn the computer on.... you waste all your 'me' time and don't feel like you've achieved anything!
- try and have only 1-2 things you want to achieve in the day and do them the first chance you get so you feel like you HAVE got something useful done rather than floating about/watching tv (my personal sin)
hope that helps

Mij Mon 01-Jun-09 14:43:47

Hi Momo

Some babies are high-contact, high-input, some aren't. Congratulations, you got a high everything one! My DD was the same. But d'you know what? My high-contact child was/is incredibly self-sufficient, confident, sociable, entertaining (if challenging) and funny. And hugely rewarding. So all the doom-mongers who told me I'd have a clingy and fearful child if I carried her around and basically gave her what she needed, were proved wrong. Again.

I do hear your frustration, but at 14 wks you can't do much about your DSs instincts (cos it really ain't behaviour yet - at least not on a conscious level). You can, however, do something (temporarily) about your expectations of yourself and of him.

Second omaoma's sling and 'only plan 1 or 2 things into your day' recommendations. Both worked for me.
If your (or your DPs/family's) expectations of what you should be able to get done in a day are spoiling your first few months with your child, ditch the expectations.
Get out to the park/some baby groups/anything that you can enjoy and have adult conversation during at the same time as knowing you're providing stimulation for your DS.

Oh - and not wishing to be a profit of doom myself, the 4 month mark is a very fussy period for lots of babies. It's when the neo-cortex kicks in and there's loads of brain development going on, and it can really freak out some little ones as their world is almost literally changing before their eyes - it would make anyone clingy! It will settle down, honest.

Good luck!

Momo24 Tue 02-Jun-09 14:36:22

Thanks girls! Your messages have been really reassuring...I was beginning to feel like a failure. I've gone anad bought myself a sling so hopefully that should help with my mobility and should be good for DS too as he's quite an inquisitive little thing and hates being on his back. LOL. You guys are right housework will have to go out the window for awhile and dh will have to be happy with a few more takeaways. I'll be checking out some local baby groups too.

Mij how old is your dd now? She sounds adorable.

Thanks again both!!

Mij Wed 03-Jun-09 14:53:57

smile DD will be 3 in a couple of weeks, expecting DC2 in 5. I figure that having a high(er)-maintenance babe first time round has prepared me for anything. I have about 12 slings and extremely low expectations about getting anything else done!

Remembered a 'light bulb' moment at one of the baby groups I went to when DD was about 4 months. Had a chat with a Mum of 3, who when I said 'I'm not getting anything done', replied 'you're not just sitting on the sofa, you're being the Mummy your DD needs. That's your job for the moment, no-one else can do it as well as you can. I bet you didn't have a baby to become a full-time housekeeper. Anyone can do the washing up.'


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