post natal depression...... it took ages just to type that :-(

[YouNeverKnowIMightFlounce]

ok,
im struggling.

i was going to name change but hey whats the point no one will recognise my name lol...

i've had bad times since my 1st dd was born dec05 that came and went. its returned with a vengenance (sp?) now i have dd2 almost one. the last dew days have been shit to be frank....

ive got that familiar struggle and just hate of my life

when the girls play up i just feel hate and feel like i couldnt care

please dont think bad of me....

my girls are my world i love them so much it hurts

i hate how i can be i really do

it went last time but its not going, i think that im ok and then i struggle all over again

i feel like my dh isnt listening but he i know hes trying so hard to

i told him i hated my life and i felt nothing towards him or the girls they were spiteful shit words and even when i was saying them i was thinking wtf

im sat here in tears... deh is out and its taken me all eve to write this jibberish

ive not seen a doctor ive just moved and need to re register

todays just a bad day

[DrZeus]

Didn't want your post to go unanswered. You sound like you're having a bad time. Take a deep breath. You are not alone on Mumsnet. You will get support and empathy. I had PND with both my two boys so I understand how cr*p you feel.

Could you contact your new doctor in the morning and make an appointment? Is there anyone in RL who could give you some support or a break for some "you" time?

I'm sure you'll get some more posts shortly so hang in there.

[YouNeverKnowIMightFlounce]

thanks dr lol ironic name hehe

i will sort out the doctor i know i need to... its only when i have a bad day taht i know i need help does that make sense? on good day maybe its denial i dont know im thinking to myself that i am fine and just tired.

dd1 is 3 at the end of the year shes not stupid and must think that mummy is a mad cow

god what a bitch

my mum has just got back from her hols so will try and talk to her too

i think maybe i need to sit down with dh and spk to him properly...think its a bad night because he is out with friends so im alone

[YouNeverKnowIMightFlounce]

dh told me it breaks his heart when he hears some things i say so i know its effecting him too

[YouNeverKnowIMightFlounce]

anyone else there?

[YouNeverKnowIMightFlounce]

please

[DrZeus]

I'm just off to bed, but have seen your reply. The hardest part is admiting that you have an issue. I know what you mean about good days and bad days. The bad days are black and everything is awful, and the good days can be amazing. Two extremes. You're not a failure by accepting you have an illness (after all, that's what PND is). I printed off a couple of internet pages and gave them to my DH, together with some information from my health visitor when I was finally diagnosed. It helped him and the rest of the family understand what I was going through. Might be worth doing the same for your DH. Did you get anti-d's last time?

Take care, be kind to yourself, and I will check the thread in the morning.

[YouNeverKnowIMightFlounce]

i didnt see a doc last time... was to afraid too as stupid as that sounds.

it never really went but it got better and i had other things happening to keep me occupied ie moving and getting married

then i became pg with dd2 my midwife was fantastic i got so down that i was induced for that and bad spd.

maybe i will show dh a website as i have no printer

[shonnomanom]

hi
i too have pnd, my pfb is 13wks and she is generally a great baby.
iv found over the month or so that iv been wanting to cry (im not much of a cryer), shout or bang something. i wrote a list of everything that was bothering me(was suprised at its length!) and realised that i needed to speak to someone.
i totally bottled at speaking to my dp so jumped at the chance when dd was getting weighed as it was not my normal hv - she was on holiday.
as i scored really high on the edinburgh test i was refered to my gp where we discussed my issues and how to treat things. after long debate and for other medical reasons iv started on anti-dep's.
im not sure if its the taken of these or the impossibility of hiding my feelings now that my dp knows, but i am feeling a whole lot better. but know im not out of the woods yet.

it is very important that u see someone - for your sake and your family.

hope this helps

sho x

[YouNeverKnowIMightFlounce]

thanks sho

i went and registered with new doc today and i have my booking in appt tomorrow at 4.30 so if its a nurse i will maybe jsut say to her too. im desperate to get help now i have realised how bad that im getting

[DrZeus]

Hi YNKIMF
Checking in after a hectic day getting ready for school in the morning! Well done for getting an booking in appointment tomorrow with your new doctor. That's a big step. Could you write down how you are feeling, so hopefully you can tell them how you are at this appointment and hopefully get things moving, or at the very least get a follow up appointment.

I remember when I went to see my GP, I'd managed to write down what I was feeling beforehand. I burst into tears and just gave the doc my crumpled bit of paper and pointed to it. I felt a bit of a muppet but it did help to unload and explain what I was going through (not the that doctor hadn't see it all before of course!). I did the Edinburgh test with my HV and wasn't entirely truthful with my answers the first time . Second time I did it, the score was really high .

Good luck tomorrow, keep posting and let us know how you get on.

[DrZeus]

Just wondering how you are?
Hope you're doing OK.

[shonnomanom]

YouNeverKnowIMightFlounce how are things? hope everything went ok and your feeling calmer
i had a check up with my hv yday and she seems to be happy with my progression which is good