New baby, loads of questions, can anyone help?

[waiting4bambino]

Hi all, I had my baby 3 weeks ago, and think i'm starting to come down off the "high" now and realise how much hard work it is! Everyone is giving me different advice, and yesterday, when my dh went back to work and we had our first day alone together, instead of me enjoying it, I spent most of it crying when she did!

My questions are:
when she is crying and i have checked nappy, hungry, cold, hot etc and found nothing to be wrong, what can i do to stop the crying?! It makes me feel like i'm doing something wrong and that she hates me!(I know rationally that she doesnt!)

Also, she seems to hate her moses basket and wants me to hold her all the time - my mother says i am spoiling her doing this and making a rod for my own back - what is your advice on this? Should i leave her to cry in her basket or go running to pick her up?

When is the best time to change a nappy, before or after a feed? The hospital told me before, but my family says they always did it after...

How many times in a night should i change the nappy? At every feed, or leave it longer so as not to disturb her (unless i can smell poo!)

How can you distinguish between PND and just baby blues?

That's it for now! It may be hours or even tomorrow before i can read your answers but any advice i will be grateful for! I love being a mother but i didnt realise just how much of a mammoth job it is, completely overwhelming!

[cazzybabs]

With the crying I always found mine would feed - I was breast feeding on demand. Could it be colic - is the crying in the evening? Try bycling her legs. Otherwise it is just what babies do....put her in a sling and walk round with her.

Mine wouold never sleep in their cot (woudl you if you had been inside mummy for 9 months - it must be really scary for them). I always co-sleept for the 1st 3 months. Now dd3 (3 months) starts off in her cot but ends up in our bed during the night

I always change after a poo - so not related to feeds.

I don't change at night

No idea about baby blues/PND/

[cazzybabs]

BTW it gets better (although I love the snuggly new born stage)

[meemar]

Congratulations, don't be hard on yourself you are a new mum doing a great job!

Firstly, you can't spoil a 3 week old baby. Hold her if she cries - she'll be happy and so will you

As for nappy changes, there is no right way. You'll begin to get a feel for it. If the nappy is quite wet and your dd is likely to sleep after her feed, then change it before the feed so you don't disturb her when she drops off. Otherwise leave it til afterwards as they often poo after a feed.

How often does she feed at night? If frequently then you don't need to change after every feed. If once or twice in the night it's probably a good idea to change her so she doesn't leak. You can do this in low light (or darkness with practise!) so you don't disturb her too much.

The baby blues and crying are normal. It's normal to be overwhelmed. If you start to feel like you can't cope talk to your hv, or come on MN! You will get great advice if you think you may have PND.

But for now don't worry - enjoy your baby xx

[meemar]

just wanted to add that you could be getting stressed by the crying because your instinct is to pick her up and cuddle, and you are being advised not to.

She wants you to hold her all the time because you are her mummy and she is tiny. You might find you bond with her and get to know her needs much quicker if you have lots of cuddling time together.

.....the thought of snuggling a three week old is making me all broody now

[fryalot]

hello and congratulations on the birth of your daughter.

re: crying - babies sometimes just cry. For no reason. If you have checked her nappy, fed her, cuddled her, checked her temp etc. and she is still crying, perhaps she just feels like a wail. You are not doing anything wrong and I think you know already that she doesn't hate you.

If you are happy holding her all the time, hold her. Some babies like to be cuddled permanently. You might be making a rod for your own back, but does it matter? You won't be carrying her around when she's off to school or to the pub - don't worry about it. Your instincts will be right, if you want to pick her up, do so. Our mothers were taught to be quite "strict" with their babies and to some extent to ignore their instincts, so feel free to ignore your mum.

Re: changing nappies - mine always pooed during a feed so I soon learnt to change them afterwards. There is no right or wrong way - just what is right for your child. Also, if she's only done a wee, I wouldn't bother.

At 6 weeks, your HV will ask you loads of questions related to PND, and she will be able to help you if she thinks it is PND and not baby blues.

In the meantime, if you feel that you are so upset that you can't cope, have a chat with your HV or your GP and they will be able to help; but if it is just a bit of weepiness and other than that you are coping fine, then it's probably just baby blues.

good luck

[KMUN]

Congratulations and much empathy on how you are feeling. Our biggest issue at that stage was wind. I had no idea that this had to be dealt with routinely at every feed and additional crying made the build up even worse. Hard to describe the different winding techniques in words, so ask your HV for tips on this. The over-the-shoulder method didn't work for me at first, until I became better practised. Infacol is worth a try too with feeds - helps to consolidate all the gas into a hearty burp . It can be given just before feeds, even when they are sobbing dramatically, stops them in their tracks a bit, and helps you feel like you are doing something constructive. The other helpful thing for me (as I couldn't continually pick up as recovering from c-section) was acclimatising to a comfy bouncy chair, which she now loves and can be rocked with a foot if I need to get on with something else.

Love my DD to bits, but sometimes the neediness is a bit of a drag! And it's okay to feel that way.

[waiting4bambino]

Thanks for all your advice girls, I have stopped listening to my family and am just doing my own thing now. Feeling more positive and although she has had some grizzly episodes in the last few days, I am handling them better than that first day when dh went back to work. Having said that, i seem to be filling up the days with activities and visitors, so i don't get much alone time and therefore don't feel down and like i'm the only person in the world doing this!!

Have got a sling and walk her around in it whilst i'm doing jobs and have had a few days of getting Infacol into her. It just seems she's a pretty windy baby and has difficulty in bringing it up no matter what, I guess its something we have to put up with!

thanks again all...