im so down is this post natal depression?

(36 Posts)
nonamejustyet Tue 04-Dec-07 18:56:45

i want to curl and up and die and just typing that has made me feel sick. i don't know for sure but over the last few days things have got worse. i dont want to talk to a doctor as i'm terrified that my babies will be taken and i will be put on tablets.

over last few days my dd1 has been ill so have had hardly any sleep and dd2 is still very young. i feel exhausted and i am snapping at any little thing. dh should be at work but i broke down in tears and he has come home. he thought i wanted to leave him.

with dd1 i was really down in pg and then for a short while after her birth. it seems to have come back with avengance.

i feel like that i'm a failure sometimes and when i forget about how down i get i feel normal. it helps to get out the house to which i dont do often as we share the car and my dh does full time shift work

it also gets very difficult when we have dss. i dont know why.

am i over reacting? maybe i dont. maybe its just me being down? how do you know?

earlier both the girls were crying and i just couldn'y do anything to help. i had to put my youngest down as i was scared i was going to lose my temper. my dd1 was crying and i pushed her away. i feel disgusted with myself.

how could i do that to my baby? please dont think i'm a bad mum i really am not. i am just struggling. thats normal isnt it?

i feel sick and i'm sat here in tears. my dh is staying home with me tonight and is helping put dd's to bed. i have not spoke to anyoneand it was only after today that dh realised it was just me being down and was relieved as he thought i wanted to leave him sad

someone please tell me i am not alone. i'm so scared and i keep blocking it out as i would rather not think about it. i know now that its a silly thing to do as its just getting worse. dh is going to come with me to doctors. do i have to go? what if you start getting social services knocking on my door?

there are so many horror storys and i think that that is scaring me more. its just a stage where i need someone to talk to.

i'm sorry for such a long post and well done if you have read it to the end. thanks for listening.

OP’s posts: |
nonamejustyet Tue 04-Dec-07 19:04:11

bump for anyone? please someone read i need you mn!

OP’s posts: |
ConnorTraceptive Tue 04-Dec-07 19:05:01

I didn't realise just how common PND was until I joined MN. So yes it is quite normal and you are definately NOT a bad mummy. Well if you are then so am I.

Please go speak to your doctor - you won't lose your babies I promise. You don't have to suffer any longer there are things that can be done to help.

nonamejustyet Tue 04-Dec-07 19:09:24

thanks C smile

i have recently just started the pill again which makes my hormones shoot. could this be making things worse?

OP’s posts: |
needmorecoffee Tue 04-Dec-07 19:12:41

Its not unusual. I had terrible PND after all 4 kids. When the first 3 were little (3 kids in 3 years) I was shrieking mummy. Feel very ashamed now. Even broke the glass in the front door slamming it cos DH was 2 mins late home.
Go to your GP. You can get counselling. There might be a PND group nearby. Your HV will know. I went to one after no 4 was born and it helped a bit although I felt like an alien as I was the only one with a brain damaged baby but just getting out and talking helped. As to toddlers..
It does pass.

ConnorTraceptive Tue 04-Dec-07 19:14:54

It might not be helping but I would say if you were feeling bad before then it's more likely to be pnd.

I suffered in silence for a year before I got help and I'm still kicking myself for that now. within a month of seeing the doctor I was starting to feel better. It took a good 6 months to start feeling myself but I just can't believe I let myself suffer so long.

Please make an appointment with your doctor tomorrow.

lulalullabye Tue 04-Dec-07 19:15:42

How old are your dd's ? I have a 20mth old dd and a 5mth old dd. For the first few weeks I felt exactly like you, it does get better. It is really hard and sometimes the best thing is to leave them both and go into another room. i remember thinking that I could just throw dd2 accross the room she made me so angry, but you never would.

Talk to other people, and even if you just walk up and down the road, get out of the house. You are normal, and it is very hard.

nonamejustyet Tue 04-Dec-07 19:22:23

thanks girls. i will make a apt for doc my dh won't let me forget my dd1 is 2 and dd2 is 3 months

OP’s posts: |
nonamejustyet Tue 04-Dec-07 19:24:22

i know where you are coming from on smashing the glass i smashed a bowl by throwing it on the drainer when washing up earlei and then to shout i hate being married. my poor husband sad blush i love him so much and i didnt mean it one bit

OP’s posts: |
ConnorTraceptive Tue 04-Dec-07 19:27:59

Just be honest with him about how you are feeling. Tell him it's not about him and tell him you need his help.

A two year old and 3 month old is ALOT to cope with

jangly Tue 04-Dec-07 19:28:49

Don't worry about going on tablets. They can be so helpful. If your doctor offers them, bite his hand off!

lulalullabye Tue 04-Dec-07 19:30:30

I always scared the dog to death ! I found that the best thing to do was to do a reaally loud grrrrrrr and then laugh at your dd's and make it a game, lets off some steam. Do you have a garden, if so open the back door and throw a jug of water out, fantastic feeling !

And let your husband know that you love him and it has nothing to do with him even if he might be doing something as small as walking in the room.

ConnorTraceptive Tue 04-Dec-07 19:38:56

The idea of ad's terrified me and they aren't for everyone but god they made such a huge difference and you won't be on them forever. I took them for about a year.

PND is easier to treat the sooner it is diagnosed.

Santasmissyontheside Tue 04-Dec-07 19:59:22

well it looks like i am not alone. i may as well out myself as i will probably need some support.

i am terrifed of ad's and keep thinking is it that bad? how bad does it have to be?

what exactly do they do?

lulalullabye Tue 04-Dec-07 20:13:59

I have never had ad's but they are not bad and you will not be on them forever as seems to be the general opinion, and they are not anything to be ashamed about. Bigger the person who admits they have a problem instead of slowly drowning !

Santasmissyontheside Tue 04-Dec-07 20:34:41

i think that what i worry about. being stuck on them. i hate to be dependent.

what helped you?

lulalullabye Tue 04-Dec-07 20:41:03

A lo that settled down and bach rescue remedy spray. Flower therapy thingy, but found it really worked. Also admitting to dd when I was really stressed. Also realising that i was not a crap mother who couldn't look after two children without wanting to scream at them or curl up in bed and not get out. You will find if you talk to other mothers about it there are many more of us out there.

lulalullabye Tue 04-Dec-07 20:43:19

Also, you say that you hate to be dependant. The first thing you need to accept is that you need help and you are not weak for admitting that.

Nonamejustyet, sorry to hijak your thread.

scottishmum007 Tue 04-Dec-07 20:45:26

I'm so glad there's a forum that discusses PND!! I know exactly how OP is feeling, I've been feeling like this myself for a few months (my son is 8 months old). I find going out walking helps, but when I'm in the house it's worse. I did feel like throwing my son across the room as someone else has already mentioned, although I would NEVER do it (this was last week). I got so worked up, he was crying and I just felt like the situation was unbearable. Now I just walk out the room and leave him in his playpen, close the door and take 5 mins out. I just don't understand how other mums just love their babies so much and cope so well with every possible situation, why can't I be the same.

Santasmissyontheside Tue 04-Dec-07 20:46:57

nonamejustyet is me lol

i know i need help and its only today that i have admitted it to myself. even now im sat here thinking "but i feel fine now i dont need help"

Santasmissyontheside Tue 04-Dec-07 20:49:03

scottishmum you're not alone. smile have you seen anyone?

lulalullabye Tue 04-Dec-07 20:50:59

Most mums do go through the same thing, the only difference is that they don't talk about it. You look at the mother walking down the street with a happy baby in a pram and you feel extremely jealous. In reality that may be her only quiet five minutes in that day, and she may be having a worse day than you.

I think a lot of mothers sit at home feeling so isolated, no matter how many friends they have. the key is that when you talk about it, you find that other people do feel the same and have the same fears and anxieties

scottishmum007 Tue 04-Dec-07 20:52:26

santamissyontheside, hoope it helps to know you're not alone. i have feelings v similar to yours and i also think, yes, today im ok i'm coping, sowhy should i bother going to see a GP. think i might have to see someone myself.

lulalullabye Tue 04-Dec-07 20:52:54

You do that though and think that your life has turned that corner and then the next day you could kick that door so hard your foot would go through it !

scottishmum007 Tue 04-Dec-07 20:56:09

I agree with you lulalullabye. no one said motherhoood was goign to be easy. and i can't spell eiteher by the lookds of it. and thats without any wine!

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