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Crying, crying, crying ... help?

(23 Posts)
Totters123 Thu 18-Jun-20 22:22:23

I hope its okay to post here - I could really do with some help/advice/morale. I had my first child 8 weeks ago and I've struggled a lot to adjust to life with a baby, in part I know this is my hormones/lack of sleep/change in life but mostly its her crying. She cries most of the time she is awake and not feed, its so distressing and exhausting. She is 95% of the time inconsolable and either cries herself to sleep or stops for a short time and starts again. The GP diagnosed her with colic and obviously said we just to wait it out. She is BF but I had to start using formula in the evenings becsuse shes too hysterical to feed (and taked the bottle no questions). I have tried everything - massage, cutting out dairy for two weeks, baths, gripe water, infacol, corelief, white noise, swaddling etc and while she soothes for a bit nothing has stopped her crying. Its horrendous to hear her in such distress but its also hard to bond with her when she is crying so much. The rare moments I do get are wonderful but fleeting. I know these are supposed to be phases but its so hard to see any improvement - if anything she is getting worse, now crying excessively in the morning as well as in the evening. My husband is wfh and does all he can to help out but obviously its mostly me with the baby. Family and friends are obviously unable to help much during the lockdown (and my husband is very paranoid about COVID so will not bend the rules to have anyone near her - which I ofc understand but I am at my wits end). I feel so isolated because its so hard to admit youre struggling with motherhood when others seem to find it so amazing and have such chilled babies.

After she screamed her way through the 6 week check up the lovely GP asked how I was and I fell apart, leading to him perscribing me some medication for PND - though im not sure if thats what I have or if the situation is just extremely hard to cope with. Is anyone else experiencing this? Do you have any advice?

OP’s posts: |
thatsmyumbrellaellla Fri 19-Jun-20 12:02:06

Hi op I'm not sure I really have any good advice, my first Dd had colic and would cry from 6pm-midnight. It was really hard going and like you we tried all the things you mentioned I don't think any of them really helped she did just grow out of it. From your op it sounds like your baby is pretty much crying constantly I wonder if the gp considered she might have reflux? You also mentioned she cry's unless she is being fed I don't know if you have tried giving her a dummy it really helped my dd settle as we found that she was feeding for the sucking sensation rather than being hungry. It's really really tough going but you will get there. Lots of skin to skin and cuddles even when she is crying it all helps

Delbelleber Sat 20-Jun-20 12:38:53

Just wanted to offer some sympathy. I don't think there's a miracle cure but you could perhaps try putting her in a wrap sling so she is close to you and also in the upright position which helps the tummy settle.
My first born was a bit of a crier! I felt he never slept during the day and I felt really guilty for just wanting to put him down. Someone lent me their wrap sling at 7 weeks and he slept so well it was amazing. I bought my own after that and he was in it all the time.
If you are having a bad day and nothing is settling your baby it is OK to put her in a safe place and leave her for 5 mins while you get your head together again.
Sounds like you are coping well through all the crying so don't beat yourself up about it. flowers

GenevaMaybe Sat 20-Jun-20 12:43:12

Crying all the time like that is not normal and colic just means unexplained crying. It’s not a diagnosis although people take it to mean stomach pain.
This kind of crying is almost always due to one or a combination of the following:
Silent reflux
Tongue tie

Do you think she might have any of those? I send you my every sympathy as my second baby was just like yours; I cried every day along with her. Turns out she had silent reflux and milk protein allergy.

Spam88 Sat 20-Jun-20 12:52:27

How much is she sleeping? At that age my DS was still just waking for feeds and then going back to sleep. Made me realise that my first bust have been really overtired because we didn't get her to sleep nearly as often - oops!

Sympathies OP, it's hard going. They do get better soon though! And she'll become a lot more interactive which makes it more rewarding. I think your GP was right to prescribe the antidepressants though.

Blackberrythief Sat 20-Jun-20 12:58:06

Massive hugs and huge sympathy, mine was exactly the same and it is horrible when they're like that. Have you tried baby massage? That was recommended to me for my colicky baby. If you have one near you I would highly recommend a cranial osteopath, I wish I got mine seen to sooner as it really helped the colicking.

Ditto the sling, try a moby wrap and see if that helps, mine preferred being held but would still cry (but was hysterical when put down).

Do not be afraid to pop her in her cot to have a 5 minute breather, your hormones will be making you very sensitive to her cries as well. If it's any consolation mine also screamed through her 6 week check and poor hubby was soaked as she was peeing so much from all the crying! Mine turned a corner when she was about 10 weeks but hopefully yours will get better before then thanks

Totters123 Sat 20-Jun-20 13:08:58

Thanks all so much for your sympathy and advice, I've been trying to make sure shes sleeping more as I think she was likely getting overtired. Coumting all her naps and sleeping hours I realised she was only asleep about 12 hours a day and she should be sleeping at lesst 14 hours a day. I also put her to bed an hour earlier the last 2 nights to see if that woild help. She was much better yesterday but has regressed back to crying today (so far). I have got a sling and use it in the daytime for her to sleep in, but in the evenings she doesnt like it! For those of you that had criers/colicky babies - did it get better gradually or did it just stop? And if so when abouts?

OP’s posts: |
Delbelleber Sat 20-Jun-20 13:25:12

I second the cranial osteopath suggestion.

Spam88 Sat 20-Jun-20 16:46:32

How long is she awake between naps?

Bellesavage Sat 20-Jun-20 16:56:33

My dd was like this, it was cow's milk allergy

Jennyz123 Sat 20-Jun-20 17:12:33

Hi there OP, wow do I remember these days! It's so hard to know what's causing it- I know lots of people whose little ones struggle with colic who really rate the likes of colief, infacol, gripe water etc. None of that stuff helped us massively tbh and is a total pita when bf- the thing that really worked was reducing stimulation.

Our baby has been desperate to take in every ounce of the world from the second she was born and would fight sleep like a trooper, even though she needed LOTS. The colic definitely naturally reduced from 12 weeks on but that felt looooooooong... what helped the most was definitely the sling to get good long naps in the day, and then come 6pm we would go for a walk with her in the sling as she was so overtired and over stimulated over the course of the day she was inconsolable. We'd walk round the block twice at a really good fast pace - we were lucky in a way she was a winter baby so the dark was on our side but could still be worth a go? As soon as we picked up speed she'd be out like a light. Then when we got home, straight into night time conditions (dark, white noise, dummy etc) - normally she'd wake when we took her out of the sling but I'd feed her back to sleep and because she'd actually napped rather than screamed all night she was able to drop back off.

I have no idea if any of this would work for you, you'll probably develop your own crazy elaborate and totally different thing that works for you and your baby! Just thought I'd share in case it's helpful- I found articles on purple crying useful too. All the best - things will get better I promise.

GenevaMaybe Sat 20-Jun-20 18:35:54

Overtiredness is your culprit here. Try and not have her awake any longer than 1hr 45min at any time of say

Spam88 Sat 20-Jun-20 19:33:01

I was going to suggest an hour.

hopefulhalf Sat 20-Jun-20 19:36:33

Have a look at these resources

hopefulhalf Sat 20-Jun-20 19:39:39

I found this graph very useful

GenevaMaybe Sat 20-Jun-20 20:09:57

An hour is a bit too short. You will end up with a baby that catnaps.
At 8 weeks I would suggest a very very loose routine that goes like this
7am wake and change nappy
Change clothes etc
8.30 try to settle for a nap. If she won’t settle, top up feed
8.45-10am nap
Wake from nap, nappy change
10.30am feed
11am play on playmat, look at black & white picture books, tummy time
11.30 start to settle for nap. Top up if needed.
11.45-2pm nap
Wake up, nappy change
2.15 feed then play with mum and dad
3.30pm nap
4.30pm wake and feed
5.30-6pm walk in pram for small nap
6.15pm bath
7pm feed
7.30pm stories and cuddles
7.45pm bed
10pm dreamfeed

Jennyz123 Sat 20-Jun-20 21:30:45

Oooh forgot to mention the other godsend - the extractor fan!! If it was raining so we couldn't do our walk we'd swaddle her and walk her up and down under the extractor fan in the dark - think the industrial strength white noise seemed to shock her into stopping crying for a nanosecond and then soothe her - worth a shot for recreating womb conditions (tight space in the swaddle, dark, rocking, noisy)!

Theyweretheworstoftimes Sat 20-Jun-20 21:33:09

Cranial Osteopath saved my sanity. Well worth the money.

Totters123 Sat 20-Jun-20 21:53:35

Thanks so much for all your suggestions and cammeraderie - GenevaMaybe the routine.sounds doable so I will give that a try. In terms of the cranial osteopath - does anyone know if they are operating during lockdown? I've heard mixed reviews but at this point am willing to try anything.

OP’s posts: |
123456kent Mon 22-Jun-20 23:03:34

My osteopath is seeing clients, he does cranial osteo. My baby is the same age as yours, she doesn’t have any of these issues, but my first did in some ways so I have been through this (not as hard though). it’s really tough, things were much better between 2-3 months. You deserve a medal to cope with it! Well done

Mumofagirl Fri 03-Jul-20 21:32:13

I switched from breast feeding to using formula - cow and Gate Comfort for colic and constipation. Best thing I did for the crying and saved my sanity. Although I did have the guilt of no longer breastfeeding, my baby was much much easier to settle within 2 weeks or so of using the formula. Screaming reduced by about 80%. My baby is now 20 weeks old and has slept through the night since about 12 weeks. I put this down to the comfort formula.

I feel your pain and really hope things improve for you.

Rosebel Mon 06-Jul-20 17:44:14

I second the Cow and Gate Comfort formula. It was the only thing that worked on my second baby. Although I only tried this when she was 12 weeks old so she might have been getting over her colic anyway
If you use it you need teats with quite a wide hole though as its thicker than normal formula.

alislim Mon 06-Jul-20 17:57:30

Hi. My son was a colicky baby. He got over it by about 4 months or so. We put him on the comfort milk and he also needed a good nap routine. He became a very happy baby and now he's a very happy little boy.
I also struggled at first and definitely had the baby blues. It is a cliche but please believe that it is a phase and you will get through it.
In fact all the cliches are true regarding child rearing.

Take care.
You've got this daffodil

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