DP knocked over my breast milk and it's caused a sh*t storm

[Eslteacher06]

So this evening my DP knocked over a bottle of breast milk that I had just pumped, and was very difficult to get as I was trying to BF DD at the same time. He immediately got on the defensive, rather than being contrite, and it ended in us having a row and now not talking. I know it wasn't intentional but he just doesn't seem to get how upsetting it is to see something you've worked hard to get (while living on fumes) be ruined.

He has been amazing in a lot of ways especially in the last few months of pregnancy as I was so ill. He's also been great since I had my c section a week ago but I get the feeling he isn't coping as well now. Our 3 year old is very excited about the new baby but has been acting up. I feel I'm having to check on him and how he's feeling all the time as I feel so bad I can't do more to help. I wonder sometimes if he thinks I'm being lazy...he made a joke about it earlier.

I was sobbing tonight and he just sat next to me on his phone ignoring the fact I was in bits.

I've no idea how to move forward from this :( He will want to just forget it happened, but I can't as having a new baby is hard enough without your only source of support.

[Sandybval]

I think you know this is about more than some spilt breast milk. As disheartening as that is (I know, I've been there!), you acknowledge he didn't do it on purpose, it seems you are just after more support from him- which is more than reasonable. Men can struggle with a new baby too, you probably need eachother, rather than hang on to the breast milk spillage try and talk to him about how you're feeling; otherwise it will blow out of proportion but not get to the root of the problem.

Congratulations by the way!

[Myfoolishboatisleaning]

The spilt milk isn’t the issue here, but you know this. He sounds like a bit of a twat to make jokes about you being lazy, but why do you keep checking that he is ok? You are the one that just had a baby.

[roundligament]

Just to say I wept when I knocked over my milk or my husband chucked it or my mum washed it up after I pumped in almost vain for hours
I really really feel for you

Make sure you make a joke of him being less clumsy and jump into bed and have a rest.
Have you got proper vessels to transfer it to to avoid this? Can you syringe it up?

[Fucket]

OP can I ask why you are pumping when baby is only a week old? Sounds like a lot of hassle. We were always told to advise new mums to concentrate on establishing feeding with baby and once supply settled then try pumping, 6 weeksish. Although in certain situations it’s unavoidable.

It’s just an awful amount of stress to put yourself under. Baby will be feeding little and often at this stage, in order to bring up your supply and because tummies are so small at a young age.

If you can avoid pumping I really would and try again in a month or so.

[Eslteacher06]

Thanks guys. I think it is more than the milk... especially for him. Apparently he assumed the worst when it happened (thinking I would kick off when he already felt bad) and said "you always do this" when I was crying.

@fucket DD has/had a tongue tie and is really sleepy when feeding. It's hard work to keep her latched on and to get a decent feed. I'm scared of mastitis, so been using a hand pump thing to drain off an ounce or so once she's finished that side.

I do have bags to put the milk in but the hand pump doesn't have a lid. Lesson learned - it's not going anywhere near him again! Lol

[Fucket]

Yes I had a very sleepy baby, and it’s very annoying when they nod off.

I’m glad you’re not expressing milk just for you husband to feed the baby. It’s amazing how many dads expect new mother’s just to pump off random pints of milk at a click of a finger so that they can have a go at feeding too.

[CottonSock]

I cried when dh accidenlty tipped some away. 6 years ago and still feels quite emotional. Sounds silly but I totally understand

[GertrudeCB]

He made a joke about you being lazy ? Please do remind him that you have grown and birthed a human being and are now keeping it alive with your breast milk

[beingmum39]

I am surprised you're expressing so early on, I had emergency C-section and was advised not to express til babies feeding established , this was 6 weeks or more down the line. I know it's exhausting especially when you're feeling unsupported, but when breast feeding men often feel like a spare part, perhaps he feels like that and his frustration is being took out on you. Let him do the next feed when you've expressed and you can go get some much needed rest