Just had last baby (or have I)

[3kidsandmore]

Hello,

Sat here with my 1 week old baby feeling sad and kicking myself for being ungrateful.

I have a lovely husband, 2 lovely children and a beautiful newborn daughter. However, my husband says 3 is our lot.

I am on a career break and stay at home with the kids which is an arrangement that suits us both. I absolutely love being pregnant and was fortunate enough to have uncomplicated homebirths with babies 2 & 3. I honestly really enjoyed labour and birth and can’t bear the idea of never doing it again.

I am 30 and really hoped I’d feel done now, but the idea of my womb now being closed forever makes me so sad. My husband says if we won the lottery I could have as many as I want, so his reasons are obviously practical rather than anything heartfelt.

We already have the 7 seater car and there is room in the house for another. Has anyone else’s partner changed their minds on numbers after seemingly being adament?

Maybe this is just a case of baby blues and I’ll get over it. Grieving for my babymaking days being done forever is consuming me and I feel like I’m wasting precious time in these early days.

Please be gentle with me if you think I need to give myself a shake and be grateful for what I do have. I am already crying approx every 4 mins for no reason right now and know I’m being stupid!

[HazyDays81]

I could have written this post a few weeks ago! DS3 is nearly 5 weeks. We always said we’d have 3 but I can’t bear the thought of it being our last & never being pregnant again. Like you I loved being pregnant. About a week after I had him I kept crying & wishing I could be pregnant again. I was so happy he’d finally arrived & the rational part of my brain kept saying enjoy having a newborn. I think a lot of it must have been my post pregnancy hormones as now DS is nearly 5 weeks I don’t feel as strongly about it & thankfully the baby blues tears have passed. DH really doesn’t see our future with a fourth (I’m older at 36). Similar to your DH he said it would be too expensive to go on holidays & enjoy life. So unfortunately I don’t have an answer just that I know exactly how you feel & hopefully after a few weeks you’ll feel better about it. Enjoy your precious newborn snuggles. My DS is changing so quickly, I just want to keep him small! My DH said he’s 90% sure he won’t want another but I see how besotted he is with our kids & I hope if I still feel really strongly about it in a year or 2 that I’ll be able to persuade him. Sending

[3kidsandmore]

Thanks for replying HazyDays. Nice to know someone else relates!
Because we agreed 3 and I was content with this whilst pregnant, I really did cherish every day and actually hoped to go overdue. I wasn’t ready to part with the movements and having her inside me and my bump wasn’t uncomfortably big, but she came right on her due date.
Are you certain you’d like a 4th? And do you worry that you’d end up wanting a 5th? I want to feel ‘done’ at some point but if that’s not going to happen after a 4th anyway, then I might as well get over it now.
My 9 day old is already changing too, wish we stop the clock just for a few weeks at least.
Enjoy your DS3 and here’s hoping our DHs come round to the idea on their own x

[HazyDays81]

When I was first pregnant with DS3 in my mind it was our last but as my pregnancy progressed I kept thinking how much I’d love to do it all again. We did want a girl but I can honestly say we’re so happy having 3 boys & can’t imagine it any other way so it doesn’t even feel like a desire to have a girl, I just feel really sad to think I won’t be pregnant or have the joy of another baby. I miss having a bump & feeling baby’s movements, it’s so special. At the moment I wouldn’t say I 100% want a fourth (but I really did a few weeks ago & it was on my mind all the time & I couldn’t stop crying). DH was all set to get rid of all the baby stuff after this baby (& clear space in the loft!) but I’ve already said I don’t want to get rid of things just in case. It seems so final to think we are definitely ‘done’. If we did have a fourth it does worry me I’d want a fifth! At 36 though I feel older this time round & I know the risks increase with age so I guess it would only be one more if we do (& are lucky enough to have another). DH thinks we wouldn’t have enough time to give our children all the time they need if we had any more. Our eldest DS is autistic so has extra needs. I will also need to go back to work part-time & we’re lucky to have parents helping out with childcare but not sure how that would work if we have another. Perhaps see how you feel in the coming weeks/months & if the desire to have another is still as strong.

[3Kidsandmore]

Please be gentle with me! Happy to be told I'm in the wrong but kindly would be appreciated. Feeling fragile.

Advice wanted please about my private rental situation...

To summarise- marriage ended in 2020 and we sold our family home and moved kids to new schools.

I took on a 12 month rental contract last November, to give the kids some stability whilst we all adjust.

I don't like my landlords because of the way they've behaved towards me. If only I'd known the letting agent played no part in anything after finding them a tenant (me).

We have agreed me leaving early in July and I gave them 3 months written notice of this. My question is, is it reasonable for them to demand 2 months rent payments after my departure in July?

Points to note about me and this is totally honest:

• I am a police officer, so a professional tenant- trustworthy & no drama.

-I have paid my rent on time each month.
-I have treated the home with care & respect. I keep it immaculate and they know this.
-I have been polite in all communication with them. All of it is by text message and I have kept the conversation on my phone.

Points to note about them / the house:
-They are a married couple who live in the village so 'pass by' often.
-Within my first 2 weeks here, the windows began leaking condensation was on all ceilings. Mr Landlord came around without a mask, barged in to tell me it must be the way I live, very aggressively. Mrs Landlord then confessed the windows don't have any vents and it's been an ongoing issue over the years.
-Mr Landlord begins harassing me by phone to tell me a window fitter will be around to measure up at a specific time.
I explained I work shifts and juggle 3 young children, all of whom are adapting to a very different homelife. I offered alternative times but he wasn't willing to arrange it for a mutually convenient time.
-I cleaned the condensation and mould myself and said I wasn't bothered about new windows and have found a way to manage it by having them all ajar 24/7.
-A few weeks later, the 25 year old boiler stopped working. I informed them and they said a gas man would be around to look at it in the next couple of days.
-Gas man came 2 days later, identified the problem but didn't have the part required to fix it. We had no heating or water during 4 days of snow, whilst the part was ordered.
-Boiler was repaired 5 days after it breaking, causing us huge discomfort and inconvenience but I did not complain. I am low maintenance and prefer to just find a way around things and not cause trouble.
-Mr & Mrs Landlord have repeatedly found spurious reasons to get themselves in here during lockdown, yet all they've ever seen is a clean and tidy home. I asked them to just leave us be unless there is an emergency, because I like to live a private life and am paying them a lot of money to live here.
-Mr Landlord then sends a barrage of verbal abuse saying they have always been friendly with tenants and don't understand why I'm being difficult and that he wants me out of his house ASAP.
-I text back telling him that's most unpleasant and unlawful, but that I will find somewhere else to live because I don't need this upset.
-A week later he asks whether I have found somewhere yet as he wants his house back. I say no but perhaps I could buy it from him (they had mentioned me being their last tenant before selling up). He says yes, gets it valued and I explore a mortgage possibility.
-I couldn't borrow enough, so a few weeks later, let him know that buying isn't an option for me but I do now have somewhere else to go, so will be gone in July.
-Mr Landlord by text message and Mrs Landlord by email (they both come at me separately by various means of communication) to say if I'm leaving in July, they want rent paid until September.
-I begin to fear they are totally unscrupulous landlords, out to grab every penny and wonder where my deposit was secured. I phone the letting agent and they remind me they don't 'manage' this property but confirmed my deposit has not been protected and to seek legal advice.
-I text Mr Landlord to check my deposit really hasn't been placed in a protected scheme at any point between November and now. It hasn't but suddenly, it was that day.

Should I pay 2 months rent on my exit or would you argue the case not to?

Sorry for the waffle and TIA.