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Letting a newborn cry ?

(13 Posts)
MrsG2017 Mon 24-Apr-17 15:05:46

I must sound like a terrible mummy but how long is too long to leave a new born to cry?

If I pick him up and he falls asleep I can't get him to resettle in his cot, If I stay holding him I will fall asleep and drop him

Chosenbyyou Mon 24-Apr-17 18:47:42


How old are you talking? I think they go through mini phases as a new born and mine keeps falling asleep on me and then waking as I put them in the basket - I have just been trying as many times as it takes, sometimes once sometimes several times.
I personally wouldn't leave them to cry. Do they have any problems with colic or reflux?

PotteringAlong Mon 24-Apr-17 18:51:43

Why does he need to sleep in his cot? Presuming it's your first baby I'd leave him only as long as it takes you to get to him. Actually, that goes for subsequent babies too but depending on what you're doing with your other children it can sometimes take a few moments longer to get there!
But I wouldn't just leave a newborn to cry for any time.

vichill Mon 24-Apr-17 18:55:33

Hello. I think newborns need pretty immediate attention. They really can't be trained yet and are just bundles of instinct telling them they need to be held is to be safe. Billions of women have endured this and it will get better. Good luck.

missanony Mon 24-Apr-17 18:56:41

Swaddling and white noise might help op. You can try bouncing to sleep for naps too

Believeitornot Mon 24-Apr-17 19:00:31

He's only just fresh out of you and needs you to relax.

Cosleeping is safer on a bed with no pillows around and covers well away. I did it with dd properly from birth but fought it with ds and did silly things like have him sleep on me sitting on a chair.

I did quite a lot of reading in to it and nearly drove myself mad but came to the conclusion that dd was safer next to me. I had the covers tucked down so they couldn't go past my waist and wore an extra layers so I didn't get cold. Also got rid of pillows and had a bed guard under the sheet to stop her falling out.

juneau Mon 24-Apr-17 19:01:03

I never let my newborns cry for very long, simply because they often need to feel the warmth of your body and the sound of your voice to feel calm and happy. They don't see themselves as being separate from you so if they're laid down in a cot in another room they can become distressed. Do you have a sling? They're great for tiny babies that just want to be close to you, while leaving you hands free to get on with things.

I also kept a travel cot downstairs in the early days and would lay them in there for daytime naps so I was nearby and they could hear me talking and moving about.

GuinessPunch Wed 26-Apr-17 08:41:16

Go to them immediately.

HumpHumpWhale Wed 26-Apr-17 08:43:31

I agree with everyone else, don't let a newborn cry unattended at all if you can help it.

Foreverhopeful22 Wed 26-Apr-17 08:43:33

Depends on age but as you have said newborn I presuming a few weeks

I would try swaddle and white noise. But unfortunately at that age they need cuddles they have spent 9 months being cuddled by you. They still require it

At around 3 months you can try leaving for maybe five mins max but that's about it

Pansiesandredrosesandmarigolds Wed 26-Apr-17 08:44:03

Is there anyone else around who could hold him?

JustMyLuckUnfortunately Wed 26-Apr-17 08:50:50

Newborns don't understand time or how to self-settle so it's too distressing to leave them any time.

However sleep deprivation is incredibly hard, can your DP or a friend help with cuddling DC while you have an early night or a nap? I found after a few weeks getting a few uninterrupted hours made a massive difference.

As others have said white noise or swaddling works for some babies. My DS preferred heart noises so that was his chosen noise on his nightlight. Also if you sleep or cuddle his sheets on his crib so they smell of you it may help. My DS also loves lullaby music so where the heart noise doesn't work that plus lots of cuddles would send him to sleep.

Finally how long do you cuddle before trying to put down? I think we needed to leave it 15-20 mins for him to be in a deep enough sleep he didn't stir.

HTHs and if anyone offers to watch the baby while you nap say yes!

MaGratgarlik1983 Tue 27-Jun-17 22:06:28

Those first few weeks are so precious but also so so hard! I wouldn't let your newborn cry. Pick him up and sing for 20-30 mins then try to put him into the cot if you need to sleep. Co-sleeping never worked for us as my DS just wouldn't do it! Try feeding just before you put him into the cot at night. Swaddling also helped us. One thing that I did in the first week, when my stitches were so bad and my DH are I were so tired, was after a feed and a sing I would put DS into his moses basket next to our bed. Then I'd hold his little hand in mine and promise to tell him about something that I like. One night it was the Discworld books. I would talk quietly until we both fell asleep for a bit. That helped me to remember my identity during that time and my voice would sooth him to sleep. It's hard but it gets easier.

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