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Join our Postnatal Clubs forum to find parenting advice for newborns.

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Join our Postnatal Clubs forum to find parenting advice for newborns.

Post-natal clubs

I hate being a mum

79 replies

lifesjoys · 22/04/2017 23:22

Hate it, spend my days stressed out.
Don't look forward to waking up in the morning, don't look forward to bed.
My child just cries all the fucking time!

PND?? Not when I'm not with him.

I've had enough

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BootCampSucker · 22/04/2017 23:25

I'm so sorry you're feeling this way. It is bloody hard. How old is your child?

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lifesjoys · 22/04/2017 23:26

He is 26 days old & im ready to throw the towel in

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daisygirlmac · 22/04/2017 23:26

Hi lovely, sorry to hear you're having a shit time. How old is your DS?

I felt like absolute crap a few weeks ago (when DS was about 8 weeks old). He cried constantly, wasn't sleeping and I just thought fuck this I can't do it. I did manage to tell my health visitor and there is support so if you can tell someone you can get some help. The hardest bit is telling someone I think. Is your partner supportive? I always think if you can get some sleep everything starts to look a bit more manageable

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lifesjoys · 22/04/2017 23:27

No partner, single mum (not by choice).

Limited family nearby

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lifesjoys · 22/04/2017 23:29

Ex doesn't want anything to do with him. I'd literally give my right arm for his family to be involved

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2ManyDicksOnTheDancefloor · 22/04/2017 23:29

I felt like this for the first four weeks with my first. The thing that changed it for me was swaddling and using a dummy, have you tried either or both?

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Mermaidinthesea123 · 22/04/2017 23:30

I too loathed the baby bit, hated every second. Felt like my brain had died looking after this screaming monster. However when he started talking he was much more interesting and now he is 34 I would never be without him, we are such great friends and he is so sweet and supportive.
Not all of us like babies, it will pass really soon, keep hanging on in there.

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Want2bSupermum · 22/04/2017 23:31

You are 26 days in. It gets better. Please go and see your GP on Monday morning and tell them you can't cope with your baby when you call in. They should book an appointment for you as a matter of priority. Bring the baby with you. They could have reflux or an allergy to their food (friend who BF had babies who were all allergic to her milk if she had dairy).

In the meantime ask your OH, family and friends for help with the baby. Mothering doesn't come naturally to all. It's a huge adjustment and caring for a baby who is always crying is no fun at all.

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daisygirlmac · 22/04/2017 23:31

That's really bloody hard, you're right in the thick of it as well. Is there anyone at all who could give you an hour to have a nap and a shower so you can just have a bit of time for yourself? I'm not going to say it gets easier,
I'm sure it does at some point but that doesn't really do a lot for you right now. Is there anything specific you're struggling with? We might be able to suggest some ways to make things easier

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Want2bSupermum · 22/04/2017 23:34

Def see if the dummy or movement helps. My kids all loved the rock and play or the little travel swing. Dd1 loved the vibrating chair.

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lifesjoys · 22/04/2017 23:41

He's on gavsicon
He's on cow and hate comfort
He's fed every 2-3hours
His bum is changed very regularly
He is bathed most nights
He is given infacol
Teething gel

He continuously screams.

My family aren't as great as they made out & I don't have an OH

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lifesjoys · 22/04/2017 23:42

Oh, he has a dummy & ive tried swaddling him, he goes mental

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2ManyDicksOnTheDancefloor · 22/04/2017 23:48

This won't be popular, but, have you tried swaddling him tightly and leaving him to cry for 10 minutes max. My dad made me do this, and she fell asleep. After this I kept the 10 min rule, I would only go back in after 10 minutes, it changed my life. She soon fell asleep quickly.

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nappyrat · 22/04/2017 23:50

The first bit is so fucking hard.

You will get through it.

You are doing amazingly to be doing all the stuff you've listed.

You are amazing.

Keep saying to yourself: this too shall pass.

My little one is nearly 4 & is just brilliant to be with.

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lifesjoys · 23/04/2017 00:15

Everyday I wake up & hate my life

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lifesjoys · 23/04/2017 00:16

I swaddled him & left him for 20 minutes. He screamed.

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LondonStill83 · 23/04/2017 00:24

Op do you have a wrap sling?

Have you given him infacol and gaviscon on advice of GP? We found both made our son worse... turns out he was screaming due to a dairy allergy

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ItsReginaPhalange · 23/04/2017 00:37

It is so so so hard. Even harder in your position. Trust me though, eventually it becomes amazing. It really does. But you need support and help now. Talk to your health visitor, they must have some support/help/advice. I had a baby who cried none stop,I felt at the end of the road. For me it was the sleep deprivation, I just couldn't cope with it. I have limited family but once I told friends how low and miserable I was, they helped. Is there anyone in RL you can talk to?

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lifesjoys · 23/04/2017 00:55

I've told my mum how I feel, all I get is "it gets better". Well it's not getting better.

I'm done

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SoapyTitWank · 23/04/2017 01:02

Those early days are like a fucking endurance test I swear. It takes you to breaking point I totally get you, so many of us get what you're saying, you are absolutely not alone with that feeling.
You are sleep deprived which is totally horrific and makes you feel hopeless. You are not hopeless, you will find a way to make it through the coming weeks and you will look back on this and think 'shiiiiit I did it'
Call all the help in you can, gp, midwife, health visitor, helplines etc - I remember calling a feeding helpline and literally being talked down off the ceiling with baby screaming in the background.
This is hard but not impossible x

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Want2bSupermum · 23/04/2017 05:45

When we visited the U.K. With all 3 as babies they all did badly with cow and gate and aptimal. Hipp was a success.

I would also get the plug in rock and play. If he has reflux he can sleep upright.

Please go to your GP and bring the baby.

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RaeSkywalker · 23/04/2017 06:04

Please go and see your GP.

Regarding comfort milk and gaviscon- my son has quite nasty reflux, and I've always been told not to use them together because they can both cause constipation. Obviously my GP might be wrong, but it could be worth looking into?

Is there anyone who can look after your DS for a few hours so that you can get some sleep?

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yallamamma · 23/04/2017 06:09

There's nothing anyone here can say or do except try to reassure you it WILL get better. How about a good long walk in the buggy. Put your headphones in. He'll nod off eventually.

Many people told me at 6 weeks things would change, and they did, a bit. DS napped a little longer, cried a little less, and I could snatch an hour to myself which was literally life saving.

So many of us know how you are feeling right now. It's shit. And it's even shittier to real use you hate it so much and the guilt that naturally brings.

Speak to GP/HV. If they are useless try a children's centre and keep looking until you find someone to help. It shouldn't and doesn't have to be this hard on you.

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yallamamma · 23/04/2017 06:10

*realise

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cloudchasing · 23/04/2017 06:19

I was just the same as you OP, I absolutely hated it when my dd was born, I felt like I'd been hit by a brick. Her dad was completely useless, wouldn't even take her for an hour so I could have a sleep, and she cried solidly all evening every evening with colic.

I can remember going into the bank one day, and bursting into tears when the woman behind the counter asked about her. She said just wait until about 3 months and it gets better like magic... she was right. But by god I hated the early days. That was nearly 20 years ago now, and I did go on to have a son 7 years later. I knew what to expect the second time around, but I still wasn't keen on the newborn stage. Some people just don't enjoy babies.

I feel for you, and I know you don't believe it right now, but it honestly really does get better