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Hated every bit of being a mother

(9 Posts)
Ellahelmans16 Mon 06-Feb-17 20:56:59

I was very excited about being a mother during pregnancy because I had always admired watching other parents with their chubby babies . I thought I could raise one if others are able to do it why not?
But for me it's been one struggle to another it's been 9months and I haven't had a break to myself.From extremely high bilirubin levels (Jaundice),Dyschezia,Acid reflux and not much of a eater or sleeper. My support system was poor.Hubby was not helpful I have been on my own since.struggling with weight gains .Roaming from one doctor to the other. I know I was in serious depression only God knows how I ve been able to continue without throwing this child away.I don't socialize because she just won't stop crying anytime she has to pass winds or poop.She wouldn't take formula and the little that gets into her body she'd thrown up and fuss all day.Tried about 6different formulas and none seems to work .so I'm still breastfeeding and she wouldn't even drink enough throw so many ounces away.Shes 9months now and I'm having the worst time of weaning this child I loose my mind at times and yell at her.She is terrible at everything.i begin to imagine how life would have been without her.Its been extremely horrible I have hated every bit of it till today.Its been a set back after another .I am exhausted!!!i look at my body and highly disgusted!Why is it so hard?????!!!!!!

ThisProductContainsBatteries Mon 06-Feb-17 20:58:31

Have you seen a GP? It sounds very much like you have post natal depression.

denise77 Mon 06-Feb-17 21:01:51

You sound like me a few years ago. Both my Dds breastfed exclusively, I was on my own DH worked away. It was awful, not sleeping and not having a break really gets to you after a bit. In the end and for my own sanity I found that I just had to make the decision to stop. With DD1 I stopped and she was fine, DD2 was harder to stop I slowly weaned her off over a few weeks. Don't get me wrong I loved breastfeeding but there came a time when I couldn't cope anymore. Is there someone you can get to help so you can have a break? How is she with solids?

Aliveinwanderland Mon 06-Feb-17 21:02:45

There always seems to be one thing after another with babies doesn't there? I too was really looking forward to DS arrival but will admit I find it very hard and it isn't what I thought it would be like. Mainly because there always seems to be something with DS. Jaundice, colic, reflux, a cold, croup, teething etc. He doesn't feed well and doesn't sleep well either and is cranky most of the day. I love him to bits and don't feel depressed, but I look forward to the day when there isn't an excuse for his crankiness and he is just happy for a change!

Bluebellevergreen Mon 06-Feb-17 21:08:58

Sorry you are feeling this way OP. I am not a mum yet but pregnant.
I have suffered from antenatal depression and I think you might have postnatal?
For me it helped to take DH with me to doctors so he could hear it from him, and then he was so supportive.
It must be really hard.
Maybe she has an intolerance or something and cant digest? Do you have a health visitor to talk to or any groups in the area?
You cant do this alone.
I am sure you are doing a lot better than you think.
You must be exhausted.
Why not try to make an appointment to see doctor tomorrow first thing or online now to het help?

Bluebellevergreen Mon 06-Feb-17 21:09:15

Get help not het

Ellahelmans16 Mon 13-Feb-17 22:15:40

I knew I was in deep post partum depression I felt like I couldn't talk to anyone because it's me showing others that I'm weak and failed at motherhood.This past week I took it into prayers and God has been good.He has paid us a visit and seem to be changing my sorrows into testimonies.

Ellahelmans16 Mon 13-Feb-17 22:21:55

Thanks everyone for the advice.She is getting better now and so am I.Just decided to take one day at a time and keep praying that it gets better.

SmallBee Mon 13-Feb-17 22:22:50

I'm really sorry this is so hard, well done for keeping going anyway.
I think tomorrow morning you need to pick up the phone and make two appointments with the GP, one for you and one for DD. I agree with the pp that your DD might have something undiagnosed, maybe reflux or a cows milk allergy? Try and film how she is to show the GP.
See if the GP or health visitors have some suggestions about weaning on to formulas.
Is there anyone who could take your DD for a couple of hours even once a week to give you a small rest?

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