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Return to work

(18 Posts)
MG35 Sun 01-Jan-17 22:17:30

My babba is 7 months an i have absolutely and utterly enjoyed my mat leave but the time has come to return to work and i am dreading it. Not only is my boss leaving, my co worker is now my boss. I am so anxious about going back.

Babba wiill be with grandparents and shes with them a lot so im not worried about leaving her just wanting advice on how people got through the initial return. Im also going back full time and fed up of smart comments questioning why im returning full time like i dont feel bad enough hate explaining as its personal (finances, work on house and pending wedding ) and its no ones business.

Feeling very deflated wish i didnt have to work!!!

GimmeeMoore Mon 02-Jan-17 18:58:27

You need to toughen up to the snidey comments,and not take to heart
No one asks a man why he works ft earning a salary as a parent but ask mothers
Keep in touch with work,do a visit prior to return.
Lose the mummy guilt otherwise you'll emotionally always be on your knees anytime someone comments about working.
Can I ask why do you feel bad about returning to work?

MG35 Mon 02-Jan-17 19:31:12

I feel bad and sad that ill be missing precious moments with my minnie me. I would rather be with babba but financially its unrealistic to not work or be part time.

I just would rather be with her longer than 7 months the saving grace is shes at home from home with grandparents

shalalala Mon 02-Jan-17 19:44:41

MG35 you could be me. I go back next month. DD will be looked after by family but it doesn't stop me worrying about not seeing her everyday (I work long hours)

GimmeeMoore Mon 02-Jan-17 19:55:27

What precious moments?you make your own precious moments (hate that expression)
As parent you'll be there for any number of special significant moments
If you burden yourself with mum guilt you'll be in a constant spin about this
And trust me there will be plenty of others who'll happily guilt trip you about precious moments,and that's what you need to toughen up to.
As a working mum you're a good role model,you remain employed,you financially contribute.you demonstrate to your child mum works too

No one ever thinks a relationship will fail,but remaining in employment is a better safety net than being unwaged and dependent on a man

Summerdays2014 Mon 02-Jan-17 19:58:29

I'm going back to work 3 days a week this week and and dreading it. My son is going to nursery and I'm so sad I won't get to be with him everyday. I've had the best year of my life and I'm now praying for a lottery win...

GimmeeMoore Mon 02-Jan-17 20:03:11

Come on ladies,get a perspective you're going to work not an oversea posting
All this mum guilt.tsk. No one ever wrings their hands about dads returning to work
If you all take that attitude into work you're setting self up to be miserable.very
You need to compartmentalise and lose the mum guilt and get on with going to work

MG35 Mon 02-Jan-17 20:04:05

What i mean by precious moments is any firsts such as a crwal or walk a word a roll over a silly smile i want to be the first to see these with my babba.

I have a very stressful job working with families I know i have to do it just dont want to do it leaving her to deal with crap

GimmeeMoore Mon 02-Jan-17 20:10:41

If you construct a precious moments frame of reference you'll be constantly guilty
The significant things are love,consistency,and this can be maintained whether you work or not
Parent & child Attachment and positive regard isn't diminished if you work.but if mums clock watch and fret wondering what precious moment they're missing you're setting yourself up for misery

MG35 Mon 02-Jan-17 20:51:58

Shalalala I hope that babba being with family gives you some comfort during those long hours. I used to work ridiculous hours and i wont be doing it when i go back. Good luck and all the best with your return x

Hellmouth Mon 02-Jan-17 20:57:51

I understand how you're feeling, I'm going back to work next week and I am absolutely dreading it. My partner has convinced me to go back but we actually won't be better off financially as every penny I bring in will be going on childcare and my travel to work, but DP's salary just about covers rent and bills. Also my commute is ridiculous so I won't get in until my son's bed time sad

Sorry will stop moaning now!

MG35 Mon 02-Jan-17 21:00:41

Summerdays2014 i understand your point exactly if only we coukd spend every day with the little munchkins but im sure its worse for us than it is them, a transitional object from home might help your little boy feel close to you such as a hankie or teddy bear with your perfume on it. I know i will be bringing babbas muslin cloth to work with me!!!

We have to think of the nice things we'll be doing with them at the weekends/days off and of course the lottery!! Have a great first week, hope your little boy enjoys nursery xx

MG35 Mon 02-Jan-17 21:07:36

Hellmouth you're not moaning, its a natural response to a catch 22 situation.

I wrote the post for mutual support, empathy and understanding.

Good luck with your return next week hopefully after a few months you can re evaluate your situation and see what the best option is for your family. Take care xx

GimmeeMoore Mon 02-Jan-17 21:30:59

All my children are primary school age.they all went to nursery ft at 6mth and initially it was a financial stretch. But over time because I remained in work I progressed,it got easier. They are happy,well adjusted children ft nursery has in no way impaired their development or attachment

hellmouth if one salary just about covers your outgoing then yes you do need to work to contribute.two wages are a safety net that one sole wage isn't.if you're partner is asking you to work,to share the financial responsibility then yes you should.

Mn has numerous posts with women struggling to get back into employment after not working. Lost work contacts and no recent experience.

Your children will be fine when you return to work, and I'd advise a strategy to manage your understandable but unfounded anxieties

Tips
When you discuss nursery or grandparents be positive
Discuss your work positively around your child
Chose a familiar toy to take to nursery. Write a list of your child preferences,tips for handling your child
Lay out baby and your clothes in advance for the week

Hellmouth Mon 02-Jan-17 21:55:27

GimmeMoore DP said he supports me in what ever decision I make, he just felt it would be better for my mental health if I'm at work because sometimes I find being at home lonely.

MG35 that's the plan! All the best of luck to you going back too.

GimmeeMoore Mon 02-Jan-17 22:39:23

Fair enough,your post implied you felt coerced "My partner has convinced me to go back"
And yes imo work is good for mental health,it provides structure,social contact,stimulation

rosewineisgreat Mon 02-Jan-17 22:51:10

I found the first 2-3 weeks really tough but it's all fine now and DC loves nursery. Good luck.

1sttimemama1986 Sat 11-Feb-17 19:45:57

Hiya, I can relate to these posts so much. Returning to work in couple days. My baby is 8 months and I'm sad to not be with him but longer.

Really get annoyed when people say oh your going back part time though? I'm like er no im the breadwinner actually and bills got to be paid. My partner will be going part time.

I am suffering awful mum guilt despite accepting benefits of working financially, for my mh, career progression, role modelling for my boy etc etc I guess knowing all this helps but I've decided to allow myself a bit of sadness about it all. Ultimately I will go back to work and all will be fine in a few weeks.

Wish me luck for Monday ladies. Xx

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