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June mummies '05 thread 13 - the one where they they get to enjoy Christmas - well the wrapping paper!(304 Posts)
one brand new spanking thread ready to go!
Am utterly distraught. Have returned from a couple of post-work hours in the pub, having been told by a very good friend of mine that ds is willful and that it is our fault for not setting boundaries (Might add author of comment is childfree). I am so upset - ladies, if you can, please tell me ds is normal? If I have missed a trick, please do tell me (but tactfully, e.g. not in Leeds station, leaving me sobbing in front of the general populace).
A homeless bloke came up and kissed me on the cheek whilst I was in the taxi queue, that is how sad I am!
Trib, this is one of my irregular jaunts on to MN, however, on all the threads I've read about you and your DS, the problem is clearly with your mate and not with you or your DS. I know this is a good friend, so i'm trying to be a little tactful here, but what sort of friend, especially one without children, starts passing judgement on your parenting skills? Your DS always strikes me as a perfectly normal little boy. I'd be really upset if someone said this about my DS, however, it is clearly nonsense. Please don't let this upset you!!!!
Trib, some of the others who have met you may be better placed to help, but if willful includes screaming tantrums cauing ds to hurl himself at the floor with more aplomb than a premier footballer (even causing carpet burns he does it with such force) at the slightest trigger, then either your ds is normal, or I have 'problems setting boundaries' too! I remember once (pre-ds) tutting on a plane at some poor mother whose child was having a tantrum because they'd taken her pram away to store during the flight. Totally cringe at my former self, and would like to go back in time and slap myelf vigorously with a 3 day old haddock. What childless people think they know about childrearing could fill an encyclopaedia. What they do know wouldn't fill a stamp.
Feeling the absolute knackeredness that comes with late pg now, kind of wanting it all to be over. But then feeling guilty, because (AFAIK) it's going ok, and dsis has had a problem picked up on her 20w scan. They basically aren't sure what it is, but it could be cystic fibrosis (it's in bil's family), or a malformation of the bowel. They won't really know until it's born, so the nice cosy homebirth they'd planned is out the window, instead she'll have to be intensively monitored throughout pg and then deliver with paediatric surgeons standing by . Precarious business, making babies.
absolute crap trib a child needs to discovers his/ hers own personality and limits gently guided by parents/ carers, a child who never displays 'challenging behaviour' is a child i would worry about, utter tripe and people without children should not pass judgement
honestly what limits/ boundaries can you impose on an 18m old so that he will not ever display behaviour deemed 'inappropriate'? it's just not normal
2happy sorry about the current worries in your family. it is really so hard
sorry to but in on this thread, but Trib..I think I know your DS quite well aswell as knowing children in general. I cant see anything wrong with him at all.
I believe children do need some boundries, but at this age they are very thin lines not 10ft walls. What they need most of all is love and security and he gets loads of that.
Thank you all ladies - as ever. (Btw, auntymandy is ds' childminder, and I have to say I value her experience greatly and am very lucky to have her in my life). Ds has never done anything bad at this person's house (it's a bloke, btw) - he tends to press the buttons on the DVD player but we don't let him do anything that might be damaging. In fact what normally happens is that we chase around after ds stopping him from doing stuff, whilst this guy says "oh let him get on with it, it's FINE" - so this accusation came completely out of left field.
Alas I work with this person, we've been friends for years but are currently in the same team, on the same block of desks even. I was going to ask to get moved anyway, but I think I will see if that can be done asap.
2Happy - so about your sister. Just hoping it works out for her - is there a possibility that nothing is wrong at all, or is it definitely one or other of the options you've outlined?
What a lovely CM, Trib
No, at first they hoped it was a one-off that would disappear at another scan, but they've now had 3 by consultant radiologists and it's persisted. At first they thought it could be due to a genetic problem and she was going to have an amnio, but then they decided there were no other markers so more likely to be a primary bowel problem. It is still possible that he (it's a blue - can't have all those scans and not know ) could be not too badly affected, but they're worried the bowel has perforated and that would lead to a very poorly baby, and there's a high risk of early delivery or even stillbirth. She's remarkably calm - she says 20 weeks is too long to be in a permanent state of worry, but I just feel so bad for her, she will be in limbo all the way through. And she would never have known if she hadn't have paid for a private scan - 20w scans aren't standard in Scotland
new thread = more chatting!!
Trib - your son is an angel in comparison to my dd2 so i hate to think what your friend would make of her!!
Thank you ladies - and katz you are quite wrong about your lovely dd2, I think they are a well-matched pair
KVG - was that the Waitrose in Bury? If so, I will be in there like a shot over Xmas, ensuring that ds is as appallingly-behaved as possible, just to annoy the good burghers of that town. I love the idea that Waitrose children are inherently 'better' than Tesco ones. We shop frequently in both and I have never noticed an improvement in ds' behaviour whilst in Waitrose!
Btw: tiddlerdom = classic typo.
2Happy - of course I don't know your sister, but I don't think it will be possible to maintain an attitude of 'wait and see' for the remainder of the pregnancy. I know you will be anyway, but my experience of grieving is that you can appear to be fine but be desperately in need of someone to ask the difficult questions. We Junies are all rooting for her and as an extra measure, I will have my tame Dominican do some praying (if that's okay). (Btw I'm talking Dominican as in religious order, not a person from the Dominican Republic I hold captive to do my praying).
Btw, can't believe 20 week scans are not standard! I know round these parts 12 week scans aren't, but 20 weeks ... argh. I know my mum finds all this scanning malarkey incredible, and my grandma looked at a scan photo like "what the hell is this?" but thank goodness times move on.
20 week scan (stares dreamily into the future)..That seems a lifetime away. At 15 1/2 weeks and counting every nanosecond. Although, looking at my stomach, I seriously look about 5 months gone. Why why why wasn't I born taller than 5"?????
BTW, I didn't know Bury was posh enough to have a Waitrose. Us S.Manc's clearly don't understand these things.
My DS reserves his wobblers for walking through our local town centre. I try to hold his hand to walk in preplanned direction. He screams, sits on the floor, throws his head back, thus creating an alarming back arch, whilst tears are rolling down his face at the general indignity of his tired mum trying to lead him to/from the car. Usually accompanied by lots of pursed lips from passers by and a few sympathy looks from other toddler mums.
Or is that just my little terror?
Ha Ha Ha ROFL Trib at image of you having captive locked up specifically for praying
Trib, as everyone else has said your DS is perfectly normal, what tosh your friend is spouting - blimey what would he have made of my DS's reaction to a balloon lost to the rafters when first meeting him I just have to say DD is at the same time and absolute honey and a monster and at 18mths that's how they ALL are and should be
2Happy, so sorry to hear about the result of your DSIS's scan, she's in all our prayers (and mine are real as I don't have any captives to pray for me! )
KVG - Hello nice to 'see' you again Ha ha ha at the Waitrose thing - you should have said to her 'sh*t this is Waitrose - I thought it was Lidl'
Hello to everyone else hope you all doing well
Had fun putting up the Christmas tree and dec's on Saturday - although I will admit to itching in my seat for 2 hours until DS went to bed so that I could rearrange the baubles so that the tree wasn't heaving under the burden of being laden on the lower branches of one side only
Jonah - Bury = Bury St Edmunds in this context Definitely posh enough for a Waitrose. I still like tea's suggested response though (there is no Lidl in Bury St E however).
giddy - I've heard olive oil is good for cradle cap?
He he he - class my ar*e but I love it anyway
DS had really bad craddle cap, and DD started with it too. Both have eczema and not sure if this exascerbates (sp?) the problem. Any hoo - olive oil is just great and much kinder to their hair and cheaper too. Just heat it alittle then massage into craddle cap, and leave preferably for a couple of hours (I usually do it over night). Then in bath wet hair and gently comb through lifting the bits that come off EASILY - don't force it, then shampoo. If it's really bad you may need to repeat it a couple of times. When I first did DS he was 2 1/2 and so had loads. It took about 4 repeated attempts to get rid of it, but it did go. Since then it comes back occasionally but I just repeat the process (about twice a year) and that keeps it at bay. I'm told he will grow out of it so I'm waiting to see. With DD I've only had to do it the once so far (when she was about 8mths) so fingers crossed tat I haven't just jinxed it Good luck.
Trib - just a quickie - managed to read back over last thread to catch up abit and if you are down our way over Christmas it would be great to meetup. I'm working the wed after Christmas but that's it so free to meet up just about any other time...text me if you do come down
oh g-d, i thought you meant bury in North Manchester. Bury St Edmonds sounds much posher. I'm sure the better class of citizens there are deemed fit to have a Waitrose. I was about to get Waitrose-envy there, why we weren't allowed one here. Still, i have an M&S 5 mins walk from my front door, so all is well in scoffing world....
Giddy, nope not been to dobbies - tell me exactly where it is and I'll be there - love a good meet up maybe if trib comes down we can make it a threesome (plus family hangers on)
Re the brush, no I used a normal long handled comb and just gently combed backwards iykwim teasing the bits free. Don't worry about the hair caught up in it, I figured this was just the hair that would naturally have fallen out if it weren't trapped by the craddle cap - god I hope people have eaten their tea before reading this - sounds gross
Jonah - I prefer M&S to Waitrose although I'm whispering this as my good friend's DH now works at Waitrose! Must say tho out of everything I'm a Morrison's girl at heart - must be the Jewish side coming out [slaps forehead whilst muttering 'how much? my God!oi vey']
Tea - all you've now succeeded in doing is giving me yet another thing to feel guilty about, not being a good Jewish girl and loving Morrisons. If I could afford to only shop in M&S (even with DH's discount card I can't justify it) I would.