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The 11th Gemini bus - Trudging through the terrible twos

(997 Posts)
AGnu Mon 13-Jul-15 14:18:38


Loraline Mon 13-Jul-15 16:08:43


like the name grin

Loraline Mon 13-Jul-15 16:09:09

Trudging through the Terrible Twos with Jazz Hands

peardrop2 Tue 14-Jul-15 08:45:11

Thanks Agnu smile

This is the thread that I get my bfp wink

Wow Bring I love that dress! You will look stunning. Have you seen the brides dress? I wore a black bridesmaid dress once, sadly looked nothing like that hmm

Agnu, I know what you mean...I hate it when things end, especially events that you've put a lot of effort to attend and shared memories of your children growing up! When we eventually have to stop our music class I don't think I'll be able to hold it together grin Could you start your own group?

AGnu Tue 14-Jul-15 17:26:06

I'm actually feeling quite down about it today. We're planning to start up a more mum-focussed group with a crèche in January but that feels a really long way away. It's suddenly hit me that come next week we'll have nothing imposing any structure on our days at all & it'll be entirely up to me to organise us. Pre-DC I used to spend most days in bed watching TV so I'm not great at doing stuff. blush I can't even figure out what to do with the DC between their quiet time & dinner time. I wake Runt at 4 at the latest but there's 1-1.5 hours to fill before I even start getting dinner ready. I've taken to just popping him in Calf's room & leaving them to play until I've got dinner ready but that means that Calf is in his room for hours. He doesn't seem to mind most days & will let me know if he needs attention or wants to come down earlier but, as much as I want to foster his ability to entertain himself, it can't be as helpful to his development as other things I could be doing with him. I just don't know what else to do! He gets bored easily at the park, I'm scared of taking him anywhere less enclosed in case he runs off & I can't chase him while keeping Runt safe... but I seem to be having a mental block on things to keep him entertained at home. We did a few things this morning after I stopped avoiding getting them up because I didn't know what to do but nothing lasted more than 5 minutes. Right now I feel like sending them to live with someone who does know what to do with them while I just crawl into a hole & wallow in self-pity. blush

It's just a phase, give it a few days to a week & I'll get bored of wallowing or inspired for a new project & the poor DC will barely have time to eat with all the activities! DH has offered to sit down & chat through some ideas of things to do but I'm not sure that's going to be overly helpful - I'll just end up feeling bad for not fulfilling his plans & like I'm a bad wife as well as a useless mother! <Sigh> I sooo should've recognised that this was going to be a difficult time for my depression. I've been feeling so good recently & we've had various playdates & things going on & have a few exciting things planned so I thought I'd be fine but it's always the day-to-day drudgery that gets me down. Plus the weather isn't helping. I always feel down when it gets grey after having been sunny for a while.

Sorry, I'll stop whinging now! blush

Fx for that BFP pear! When are you getting tests done? How far through this cycle are you?

bringonthetrumpets Tue 14-Jul-15 21:34:01

agnu It's really tough sometimes to even just put clothes on for the day, so I totally know what you mean about setting up playdates and entertaining the kids. DH tries to be helpful in suggesting going to meet-ups and groups and the like but I'm a pretty introverted person to begin with then you add in the constant interaction of the kids and on top of that meeting with mums you don't know well and trying to act like you like other people's kids (I don't, I totally don't care what people think when I say that, I just don't really like other people's kids that much)... I just start fast-forward thinking about what I'm going to feel like when I get home from said play-date and dealing with the kids when we get back home and I usually just figure it's not even going to be worth it. Pretty Negative Nelly, I know, but it's a daily thing I think about when trying to figure out what to do for the day. Don't you just love how DHs figure that they are going to "fix" it all for you when you just want to feel a bit of self-pity for a while before figuring you'd better sort it out yourself? maybe that's just me being a weirdo then...

We are rooting for you Pear!

It's 3:30pm and I feel done for the day. I've entertained, fed, cuddled, read to, fed, entertained, cuddled, and fed to M. This last hour before DH comes home is seriously dragging and I just want some freaking time to myself!

AGnu Tue 14-Jul-15 22:54:57

I love that you get me bring! grin There's absolutely no chance of me going along to any more baby groups. I just can't integrate into a group like that. I only went to the Monday group because I was one of the leaders. I needed that role to hide behind so I could just pop off to check something on the register if I was feeling awkward. My main aim at the moment is getting involved in the local home-ed community. It terrifies me because they're a well established group & I'm scared they're a little cliquey. I can't really HE without having a group of like-minded people for support though. I did actually briefly toy with the idea of sending the DC to school earlier just so I wouldn't have to meet scary new people! blush

YY to not putting proper clothes on - we had a PJ day today. Calf even asked me where we were going because I brushed my teeth. Apparently I only do that if I'm going out... Not true, usually I brush my teeth before they wake up! I struggle with going out anywhere because I never want to be out for hours but it seems like such a hassle to get out just for half an hour... Eventually I either talk myself out of it or I've spent so much time dithering that we need to be doing lunch/dinner instead!

I hate the pre-DH coming home time too. I never know what to do with the DC & never quite know exactly when DH will come home. I think my sanity would be restored a little if he came home at a regular time every night because then I could plan for that part of the day!

kittykatsforever Wed 15-Jul-15 15:37:54

Marking spot before I catch up

peardrop2 Wed 15-Jul-15 15:44:28

Anyone know if the Next sale is on this weekend?

Loraline Wed 15-Jul-15 16:09:44

I can imagine that's tough AGnu. I'm a total extrovert so spent my maternity leave going from one group to another around the area but I know that doesn't suit everyone. I'd struggle to get through to day inside although primarily, as you say, because I wouldn't know how to entertain Call day! Quite fancy a pyjama day though. Often don't get dressed with C on Tuesdays until around 9/9.30 (he has a little snack/tv time around then and I get dresed) which is late for me these days!

bring I totally relate to that last hour feeling. DH usually gets home at around 6 and yesterday I was sitting with C at 5.45 reading another story when DH rings to say he's having a problem at work and won't be home for at least another hour, maybe more. Can't be helped - it was genuine and it's rare for him and to be fair, he killed himself racing home in time to read C's story and put him to bed at 7.20pm - but I could've cried!

Feeling quite optimistic this month. Sunday will be day 23 of this cycle (so AF should be due) so I'm madly resisting the temptation to get a first response test now. Will hold out. Don't want hopes dashed just yet.

peardrop2 Thu 16-Jul-15 00:10:35

Lor, good luck for the weekend! It's definitely worth waiting to test. I've started treating myself for waiting. Last month I had a manicure smile

peardrop2 Thu 16-Jul-15 00:13:08

Agnu - talking about treats...any chance you could take some time out from the kids this weekend even if it's just for 1hr? The hour makes such a difference smile I think it would be good for you to have a little me time if your DH was up for it?l. Worth asking!!

AGnu Thu 16-Jul-15 12:32:24

He regularly takes the DC for a few hours at some point on the weekends. I usually sleep! grin

peardrop2 Thu 16-Jul-15 13:09:32

Oh well you're lucky then! I never get that as my DH pretty much works 7 days a week running his own business confused

Loraline Thu 16-Jul-15 13:09:50

My DH did that too when I was on maternity leave. I used to do post-natal yoga at home and have a bath. Heaven. These days we spend equal time with C anyway (one day during the week and all together at weekends) so we don't do it so much.

kittykatsforever Thu 16-Jul-15 15:07:53

Yes pear next sale Saturday grin
I'm the same as you lor personally can't bear to be in the kids drive me crazy time drags,I'd much rather take them visiting people, meeting people, going to the park. If I do have some time to kill and it's nice we strawberry pick in the garden or bake, they love mix mixing grin I don't know how you get then to play in their room mine would last about 10 mind before tracking me down to make a den or play read or generally miether

Loraline Thu 16-Jul-15 15:43:53

Oh yeah, playing in his room would not happen with C. I already get 'mummy we play together' and lots of 'look mummy, look. Mummy. LISTEN' as he points to his ear. grin

Baking does go down well. He eats a lot of omlettes and eggy bread (aka french toast). He loves nothing more than beating the eggs, leading to his latest 'Mummy, I LOVE eggy bread'

AGnu Thu 16-Jul-15 19:38:43

A stair gate comes in handy... wink Calf really is oblivious to people most of the time, unless he wants to know something & then it's just why/what/where/when/why/why/why... For about 20 minutes until I stop answering! hmm Runt, on the other hand, stood at the kitchen door earlier they're not allowed into the postage stamp size kitchen & held out his hand until I took it, said "come" until I followed him to a wall & then "sit down" & thought it was hilarious that we were sitting against a wall in the middle of the hall together. confused He does that sort of thing regularly! Or just fondles my trouser leg. <Shudder> I can see my calm afternoons disappearing when he drops his nap!

I didn't wait for DH to get home tonight, just got on & put them up... Runt was in bed by 6.50pm & Calf was in his room with some books because he fell asleep while playing this afternoon so isn't tired enough to sleep & would just go manic if I tried to make him. I wish every evening could be like this but then DH suddenly decides he's absolutely definitely going to be home in time for dinner so asks me to keep the DC up & then doesn't get in until 7. No idea what time he's going to get in tonight - he's got to get home early tomorrow so he can take the boys out with some man-friends for a man-BBQ so he'll be late tonight because apparently he's the only person who works at his company & so must do all the work all by himself even if it means that he's there until 10pm. If he got paid for his overtime then we could afford a nicer house further out of the city & rent a little flat near his office so he could work away during the week & I could actually keep the DC to a schedule... Maybe I should LTB... wink

peardrop2 Thu 16-Jul-15 23:48:09

Agnu - I wouldn't be able to work like that in my house so I can understand how frustrated you must be feeling. I keep to the bedtime routine whether DH is at home or at work otherwise I would go crazy not having my own schedule to keep!

Bpear also wouldn't play on his own longer then 5 minutes but your oldest is older then bpearso who knows what will happen in the future!

peardrop2 Fri 17-Jul-15 00:08:49

That said... I've been meaning to ask you all whether you're experiencing later bedtimes in your house?

Bpear is still napping from about 1:30pm-3:30 (he goes down at 1 but doesn't let me leave for 30 minutes) and I cannot get him to sleep before 9pm at the moment. I suspect it's just a phase with the warm weather etc. our bedtime routine hasn't changed but the amount of time that he wants me to lie on the floor whilst he nods off has increased hmm it's only been a week since he's stopped demanding that we cuddle on the old bf chair. It's a massive improvement that I'm now allowed to sit next to the cot now thanks to my mum helping me break his habit. When we cuddled on the chair the time was shorter (20 mins). Anyway, he's in the cot at 8pm but I'm often having to stay with him for an hour otherwise he cries and cries and we have to start all over. The other main problem is he's just not hungry at 5pm anymore . Perhaps I need to make lunch at 11:45 and try and make the gap between lunch and tea longer somehow. He doesn't have a snack in the afternoon. When I think about it...maybe I need to be more on schedule smile

Loraline Fri 17-Jul-15 11:14:53

We're not having later bedtimes as such but it does always take C about an hour to go to sleep. We put him down in bed at about 7.30 and he often won't be asleep until 8.30. We experimented with later bedtimes but it would just take an hour from whenever we put him down. Even the evenings when he's unbelievably tired and howling, wanting bed, he takes about an hour. The odd time he goes by about 8.10, and when we travelled back from Dublin and he missed his nap completely, he was gone in about 3 mins but that was a one-off.

C has always struggled to fall asleep and just needs a long time to drop off. He naps for up to 2 hours at home still (around 1-3 ish) too.

We don't stay in the room with him though. I leave after about 10/15 mins. Sometimes have to go back in a couple of times. Dh stays longer but rarely has to go back in after that. Trying to get him used to us not being with him and just leaving him in bed to go to sleep before we put him in a bed, from which he can get up and wander after us!

kittykatsforever Fri 17-Jul-15 11:42:54

They are around the age where you start dropping naps im afraid girls! I know you don't want to hear that lol
We are ok with kitten at the mo but last weekend she had no nap sat or Sunday and has cut it down to more around 20-40 mins If she does if she has a long nap it can be more like 8 -8:30 when she falls asleep the later in the afternoon the worse it is I have heard her singing twinkle twinkle at 9 before but you know I don't going her room wink she can sing all she likes lol she has messed around though but I know with tiger it was around now we had to stop naps as she was waking up at like 5 when kitten was still night feeding and I couldn't deal with an early rise after being up in the night too
Up at 4:30 tomorrow pear??

Loraline Fri 17-Jul-15 16:01:39

C seems a way off dropping his nap yet. He's often dying to fall asleep by 1 and he'll happily sleep for two hours. The falling asleep at 8.30 thing has always been the case. He just takes time. But he can sing away too, or talk to his toys, or act out all sorts of funny scenarios. He also does start to cry/moan a bit when almost sleep and calls out for me but he doesn't actually need/want me. It's just part of how he falls asleep. We only go in if he genuinely wants something and is properly calling for us.

AGnu Fri 17-Jul-15 17:54:58

Lalalala, I can't hear youuuuu! wink Seriously though, Runt doesn't sleep every day but will usually happily play in his cot or shout to go in with Calf if he's not tired. I do have to pay more attention if they're in together though because Calf likes to play "rough and tumble games" with him which usually revolve around making Runt lie down so Calf can stand on him. hmm Mostly they find it hilarious but occasionally it can get out of hand.

Runt's another one who will happily play in his cot for an hour before falling asleep most nights. It makes things tricky for trying to get them to share a room because he'll get out of bed & disturb Calf who then goes hyper & we have to remove Runt for his own safety! Runt is still in the cot in the corner of our room at the moment & I can't see that changing any time soon. It's fine though, we're all used to it so it doesn't bother us!

DH has taken the DC out for the evening & I have no clue what to do with myself. I'm not into the normal girly pampering type things, I'm terrible at tidying or cleaning... I pretty much don't know how to exist unless there's someone else around. I'm like a human mirror - I'm futile without someone around to reflect! blush I'll probably just find something really trashy to watch!

AGnu Fri 17-Jul-15 17:55:47

That sounded somewhat more despondent than it was supposed to...

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