friend has had an emerg c section , please tell me she will b ok??

(51 Posts)
muma3 Wed 21-Jun-06 15:38:03

i have had 3 normal deliveries and im worried for my friend as she has had to have an emerg c/s . we talked loads about having a vaginally delivery and although she wasnt niave to the fact that a c/s may be necerssary we never discussed it as such .

im worried that she was scared and that she will not bond with baby after and be so pooorly recovering that she wont enjoy the whole experieance as much as i did .

please help me to understand that she could of had a reasonabably positive experience and that i shouldnt feel so sorry for her .

she was in labour for 16 hours had forceps episiotomy and the baby was just too high up she was rushed to theatre.

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muma3 Wed 21-Jun-06 16:27:15

bump im worried for her but should i be? she wil be ok wont she ?

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KBear Wed 21-Jun-06 16:30:43

she will be fine. I had no problems bonding with the baby and breastfed. It's a bit scarey when it's an emergency but it's all over now and with a good friend like you I'm sure she'll have lots of help and be fine.

BROWNY Wed 21-Jun-06 16:31:33

muma3, thought I'd just tell you about when I had an emergency c-section with my first daughter, due to pre-eclampsia and not dilating. I was rushed to theatre and had to have a general anesthetic. Cutting a long story short, I suffered with postnatal depression for a long time afterwards and needed a lot of company and support - I felt I needed the hospital to explain to me what had happened fully, so I could completly understand. I hope your friend recovers fully and bonds with her baby, but in all honestly she is bound to feel exhausted and maybe a little upset that she didn't have a vaginal delivery. HTH

waterfalls Wed 21-Jun-06 16:32:00

She should be fine, at worst a bit traumatised for a few days, I think most emergency c sections are very calm and organised, mine was when twin 2 had to be delivered by emergency c section ten minutes after delivering twin one vaginaly.

muma3 Wed 21-Jun-06 16:32:40

think she will be so out of it though that she might just let them give baby a bottle too?

think it was such a shock too

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KristinaM Wed 21-Jun-06 16:35:18

Please give her lots of support. She will be very sore as she will have stiches in both places IYSWIM.Obviously lots of women who have an emergency c section still manage to escape this!!!

Racers Wed 21-Jun-06 16:35:24

I also had no probs bonding and breastfeeding, but I did feel the need to talk about it and most people were a bit unwilling to let me do that - 'oh the main thing is you are both ok'. mmmm yes, but please let me feel a bit sorry for myself and, frankly, recognize that I'm in shock - I'd wanted a home birth!! With your shoulder to cry on, I'm sure she'll be ok.

bamboo Wed 21-Jun-06 16:42:33

I agree it doesn't necessarily follow that she'll have trouble bonding or breastfeeding. I didn't like many here - so many other factors come into play with that, I guess. She will need big pants though so make sure someone has thought of that. I didn't have anything like that in my hospital bag so mum was dispatched forthwith to buy some.

waterfalls Wed 21-Jun-06 16:45:38

Oh and warn her not to drink anything fizzy, absolute agony on the stomach.

muma3 Wed 21-Jun-06 16:52:47

thanks for all your support i have no idea about c/s and am so worried for her .
my dp has just told me to stop going on . i told b/f dp that i am sorry for bugging him all day to find out what has happened . when i explained this to my dp he said
"you probably have done his head in but he wont tell you will he "

im now left not knowing what to do or say . whether to back off completely or carry on being there for them . should i just leave them to contact us or make an effort to check they are ok ? he has made me feel really paranoid and when i told him it has upset me he told me to "stop going on " argh!!

what should i do now?

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muma3 Wed 21-Jun-06 16:56:08

i would love to have any other tips from you guys to pass on
(have informed her of MN but she hasnt had time so far to register )
not sure if it is a good idea to pass them on though as dp has made me feel like crap about it all . i was well excited last night but he told me i was acting like a pysho and they will think i want to klidnap baby. ffs she is my best friend and i want to be there for her and help as much as i can . i have had 3 babies myself so i know you sometimes feel smoothered by guests and need time to settle home but everything i do he says is wrong .
please tell me where i should draw the line???

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chubbleigh Wed 21-Jun-06 17:11:12

Know the score, was 18 hours in labour, then suddenly all hell broke lose, you know things could be bad when consul. gyno starts screaming at his staff. At first was so consumed with baby that did not think about it too much, only later shed tears over it all. Mostly felt dissappointed and also do not appreciate the fact that if I have another it too could be a section. It did not matter that I was not awake when he was born, I had bonded with him well before that. Like any other birth, the details fade with time. Practical help is best, she won't be able to drive for 6 weeks and also housework like heaving dyson up and downstairs is out. Go and clean her house and do her washing and she will love you forever.

UniSarah Wed 21-Jun-06 17:13:19

muma3- a positive C-section tale for you.
I had an emergency c-section 3 months ago when my lad was born,after 24 hours of contractions he was still v high up and not showing any signs of coming down and his heart rate was dipping alarmingly with each contarction. for me the op its self was very calm, I was sick before and after due to the anathetic, my blood pressure dropped quite a bit too.I had IV lines all over the place and a catheter. BUT 12 hours later I was sitting out of bed, 24 hours later i was pottering about the ward.
I've had no more problems breast feeding than any one else and fewer than many. Boy wasn't interested in feding for the 1st 12 hours or so, but thats not unusual. The boys daddy got to know him while I was suffering from the anasthetic and being kept in theatre a bit longer, boy and daddy had a nice cuddle in the recovery room.
I didn;t want to see any body but dh during the 4 days I was in hospital, I just wanted to rest and get to know my son (we had lots of loooong cuddles). Not deal with recounting the tale of what happened again and again as other women on the ward seemed to have to do for each set of vistors they had.I also didn;t want to see people while I still had a catheter in , its not very dignified having a bag of wee hanging on your chair arm.
I have no regrrets about the c-section at all even tho we had planned a home birth. With out it probadly my son and maybe I would be dead.
5 days after the C-section I was up to walking down the road ( half a mile each way) with Dh pushing the pram so I could go and have a cuppa at the breat feeding surport group! I gather I got up and mobile fairly quick, but I was fairly fit before hand and didn't seem to have any problem moving.
maybe back off a litttle from " bugging " your friend dp, hes probadly knackered too :-) send her or him a txt or somthing offering to pop round when they wwnat to see you and wait for the invite. If you havn;t been invited in 4 days maybe repeat the txt with an offer of coming round with cake.
sorry for ty[pos, boy os on my lap and fidgey.

muma3 Wed 21-Jun-06 17:14:32

i said to her dp that if he wants me to meet him at the flat later when he gets home and do an few things like washing or whatever then just ring . he said thanks for the offer but he would be ok . i said anything that i can do just ask . he said ok . maybe dp is right maybe he is fed up with me going on and bugging him or maybe he doesnt want to accept help . bit hard to say "yes you can come and lean my house " he might of just being polite .

oh god i dont know what to think or say/do now.
dp just came in room and shouted at me . saying i always start rows.

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muma3 Wed 21-Jun-06 17:22:26

just texted him and said i will give them a few days etc and will wait to hear from them when they are ready i said sorry etc etc

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muma3 Wed 21-Jun-06 17:23:17

he texted back and said your not bugging us just curious dont worry x


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bamboo Wed 21-Jun-06 17:26:24

Obviously, I don't know your friend but I wouldn't have wanted friends to commiserate too much over the method of delivery of my dd. I preferred their congratulations as I had just had a baby after all .

UniSarah Wed 21-Jun-06 17:27:25

Thats cool. they are Ok, they know your agog for news and when they are ready they will tell you what they want to. it might not be everything. thats their preogitive. relax and getting cooking cake to take with you when you do get invited round.

muma3 Wed 21-Jun-06 17:31:03

of course im not wanting to go round and tell her how bad her birth was or even ask questions but i just want to help thats all and my dp has made me feeli like i cant offer without being OTT
sad because i have been so happy today , he comes in and put a dampener on it

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Normsnockers Wed 21-Jun-06 17:32:04

Message withdrawn

waterfalls Wed 21-Jun-06 17:35:45

Dont let him get you down for being a good friend, I would give my right arm for a friend like you.

madmarchhare Wed 21-Jun-06 17:36:26

Dont fret, it really isnt such a big deal, loads of women have them, albeit a bit of a shock.

I think its tricky to start talking about bonding/feeding etc.. because you dont know how things might have been even if she had had a normal delivery.

As it goes, I actually felt worse a few days later, give them some space.

Your help will probably be much more appreciated when her DP goes back to work or when everyone has done their fussing and think that everything is back to normal.

mazzystar Wed 21-Jun-06 17:36:44

Hi there, if I were you I would leave the CS to her to talk about if she should want to. She may be more in need of your help when her DP goes back to work, in the mean time maybe you could cook her some meals for the freezer!

Bink Wed 21-Jun-06 17:56:16

She mightn't even have thought the emergency c/s was that big a deal - I didn't think mine was.

The only differences were that (a) my dh got to be the first to hold ds, which dh and ds now think of as an extra-special treat memory for them; and (b) the recovery bit is a bit different - you're not supposed to drive for six weeks, you have to be a bit careful about how you get out of bed, pick up the baby and so on - but really recovery from a vaginal birth takes a while too.

So now you've texted them, and got a response which to me sounds nice and friendly, I think the only thing you need to do differently is remember she mightn't be able to carry heavy things for a bit. So maybe offer to do some shopping for her, if her partner's back at work, something like that. Otherwise, no big deal. Definitely not an automatic bonding problem.

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