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Dec 08 mums - any more for any more?

(988 Posts)
JumpJockey Wed 17-Apr-13 21:02:20

New thread! Hope this is ok smile

Rubena Thu 18-Apr-13 13:48:40

My smilies are coming out all wrong on the phone. Pay no attention to them the hmm was suppose to be a sad face - although my emotions are all over the place. Predictive text is doing my head in too.

Rubena Thu 18-Apr-13 13:51:41

Oh and thanks Vag I def won't. I couldn't sleep at night sending him there. I know it's going to be hard enough seeing him go off to big boy school, let alone somewhere awful. I just told the pre-school staff and they all went oh no stay away from that one sad it's under review etc with Ofsted. it's just horrible. So, bankrupt we will be, but at least I'll be able to sleep at night.

Indith Thu 18-Apr-13 13:54:20

Oh Vag sad I'm so sorry. Love and strength to you and your dear friend.

McKayz Thu 18-Apr-13 13:54:24

Oh Vag that is so devestating. sad

DeidreBarlow Thu 18-Apr-13 13:56:46

Oh darling vag, you poor love! What awful news, your right news like makes you truly grateful for what I do have. I really wish I could come by give you a big hug and a brew or even a wine. Thinking of you x

Honsandrevels Thu 18-Apr-13 13:58:54

Oh Vag, that is awful. Pnd is such a bastard. Lots of love and light from us.

Rubes Is your robovac completely ruined? I can imagine the disaster that was! How very stressful re schools. There are lots of advice threads in the primary education topic which might help if you are thinking of appealing.

Am I the only one who wouldn't dream of going in and looking at my sleeping darlings in case they woke up?! At the end of a bad day I'm just thankfull they are in bed, and that makes me happy enough not to want to throw then out of the window!

Indith Sorry to hear you are having school stress too. Have they changed the criteria?

Honsandrevels Thu 18-Apr-13 14:03:17

Cross post-tastic there.

DeidreBarlow Thu 18-Apr-13 15:51:34

Bloody awful day for DS, have genuinely bred a monster. Can't even look at him sadsadsad

He just keeps saying he doesn't know how to stop. I don't know either so not much hope sad

sybilfaulty Thu 18-Apr-13 15:59:32

What's happened today darling? You sound so sad. Can you take him for a run in the park so that he can tire himself out and use up some of that e energy. Hugs yo you xxx

DeidreBarlow Thu 18-Apr-13 16:35:01

I am sad, so is he but he genuinely can't seem to control his temper! He scratched one child, pulled the ear of another and the hair of another. He claims one of them stood on his fingers so he pulled his hair. Thing is he doesn't differentiate when these things happen as accidents or on purpose and lashes out on all occasions!

I also realised that about 80% of my conversations with DS revolve around his behaviour, who he has hasn't hurt etc. I genuinely have no idea what he does in a day I just assume he spends 6 hours hurting people.

He is the boy no one wants to play with now & who can blame them! sad

JumpJockey Thu 18-Apr-13 16:47:32

Vag darling so sorry about your friend sad

and Deids, am just popping cheekily on at work but really hope you and DS can work something out to help with his behaviour. Sending you big hugs.

EffiePerine Thu 18-Apr-13 17:24:20

Vag: that is such sad news, and I teared up too thinking of how we all struggled through those early months with each other, and how we all did little checks when we were worried. PND is such a horrific condition sad. Sending you big hugs. I really hope the finances get sorted too. It may be a blip in the grand scheme of things, but still very stressful for you and DH. I hope your DH isn't too upset, I think it can be very tricky philosophically for the main breadwinner.

Dudes: as Indith very wisely said, it sounds like an emotional response, as much as my firstborn's tendency to burst into tears at the slightest hint of being thwarted. There's a difference between reacting and trying to deliberately hurt someone. That said, is it worth having a chat with your health visitor or GP in case there's another issue to rule out? Does he have any sensory responses that make it worse? I know I need to watch noise levels around DS1 for example, and he is very sensitive about hair washing and brushing. If there's something in his environment that he wants to stop now because it is hurting him, that might explain the lashing out.

spotofcheerfulness Thu 18-Apr-13 17:25:50

Oh, crikey Vag. I am so, so, sorry to hear that. What a horrible shock. Lots of hugs to you. And you're right, it does put things in perspective.

Rubes, that is a real bummer about the schools, and your hideous day/night. At least on the schools front a) you have the choice and b) where you move to might have some really good (or at least good enough) state schools so you might not have to be shelling out for too long.

Deids I saw your post last night and felt so sad for you, and was hoping today would be better. How stressful sad. Do you think the school he goes to in Sept might be more supportive than his preschool? And I know that's a long way off, but maybe there's something that you can do beforehand? Have you considered seeing a child psych or behavioural specialist privately? I know they can be ££ but maybe just a couple of sessions might give you some tools you could use?
Also a friend of mine whose son was having some similar issues to your DS found this website really helpful:

Thanks for asking about the DSs, they're now fighting fit again (although we have crap sleeping hangovers from the illness so gonna have to bite the bullet on sleep training again). They've given all their lurgs to me though, so am struggling with sinusitis and sore throat. Bleurgh.

Hons I would never check on mine either smile.

EffiePerine Thu 18-Apr-13 19:52:34

Dudes I agree with Spot: the school is going to have a vested interest in working with you on behavioural issues and no, he isn't going to be expelled for lashing out. If that were true much if DS's class would have been booted out long ago! Is he worse at preschool, or is this something you are seeing at home / with friends too? Maybe something about the preschool environment is stressing him out.

Vagolajahooli Thu 18-Apr-13 20:26:26

Thank you lovely friends. What would I do without you. I still feel quite bereft but a friend in Australia is starting a little fund to raise some money for a mental health charity & I know money isn't everything but it makes me feel a bit less helpless. I keep coming back to the sadness though. Today we rode home passed a beautiful daffodil field & the boys stopped me & went & picked me some daffodils as they know they are my favorite. Then like a lightening bolt the thought that her little girl will never be able to pick daffodils for her mum hit me. I teared up & the poor boys got confused. They have been so sweet though. I got the news this morning before the school run & tried so hard not to cry in front of them, but they were looking at me so sweetly over their breakfast clearly seeing I was uoset & I just burst out. Ds1 started to cry too & poor DS2 just cuddled me. I still feel a bit numb. I also feel angry, she was admitted to a psych unit in Brisbane & they let her out on short leave. Then she, well she, took her life. I just can't stop thinking about my mate. They were such a brilliant couple, both vets, they worked in Madagascar on a research assignment. In a little vet clinic on the Isle of Wight & then back in Australia. They had such a great life to live together.

Sorry I need to get this out I think.

One other thing I need to get out is about dudesboy. I don't want to give him excuses & I know the hair pulling wasn't the only thing. But to be fair getting your fingers stepped on does really hurt. I wander of when school starts & there bis a bit more work to do & a bit more order.

Honsandrevels Thu 18-Apr-13 20:40:25

Vag Have you thought about maybe writing a letter to her baby for when she is older? Something that talks about all these amazing trips, little anecdotes about your friendship. I lost my dad before I was born and I treasure snippets of info about him from his friends. It gives a different perspective on their life. You might find it helps you let your grief out too. Such a sad situation.

Deids From what you have said previously preschool were not dealing with ds well. Is his short temper meaning they automatically assume he is responsible for incidents. Lashing out because someone is standing on your fingers is quite understandable.

JamInMyWellies Thu 18-Apr-13 21:16:26

Hons that is such a lovely idea.

Dieds god you poor thing. He will not be expelled. I do think you need to get some outside help speak to your HV or GP. I also think your nursery are utter pants at communicating with you or with helping little dude.

spotofcheerfulness Thu 18-Apr-13 21:37:16

Can't believe I forgot to say congrats, Jam! Really lovely news. grin

Rubena Thu 18-Apr-13 22:10:31

Oh Vag. On a very small, nowhere near like it scale, I kind of know what you mean. I was gutted with news if schools but it was a culmination of things so hopefully not as pathetic as it sounds. Dh was a star and diverted the kids as he knew I was meltdown status last night. He even left little sticky labels everywhere telling me it'll work out (to be fair he got a new labeller and is giddy about it hmm) but its hard when the kids can sense tour mood anyway. I'm crap at hiding my emotions. Even from kids.
You are a good friend to people. A lovely person. It's why this thread has stayed in tact. Everyone here is lovely and here for everyone else.
It's a lovely idea for them.

Deids as same same as it sounds I really think he will get more structure at school and things will change. I'd be in bits too. Can you get some independent advice like others have suggested? I wish you could visit down this way or we could sort out a meet up like we constantly plan to!

School today was bloody lovely. Fears allayed. Securing a place, and on standby to tour another potentially If a place comes up before sept. I feel lucky that we can [gulp] hopefully afford these schools. I'm still not convinced we can though hmm but dh always so unstressy. I know that's not a word.

Nice to see you spot. We still need to sort out a wine date.

sybilfaulty Fri 19-Apr-13 08:20:49

Oh vag, I am do sorry for your loss. That poor family. Thinking of you and sending love xxx

Vagolajahooli Fri 19-Apr-13 10:59:05

Hons that is a brilliant idea. We have started up a little email group to get the couples friends from around the world together on this and start a fund for her DD & I have suggested your idea Hons. One positive out of this is that people who haven't seen each for ages are getting back in touch again. I remember when my cousin died way back just as all our Dec08's were being born, it triggered all of us cousins to reconnect & it's has been quite lovely keeping closely in touch ever since.

Rubes your DHs notes made me cackle out loud. And speaking of appliances have you heard of a thermomix. It's the latest big in thing in Australia, have you heard of it? Hooray for the nice school & really what would you prefer expensive holidays or peace of mind?

Oh and good news here, DH has been paid, hooray, we can breath again & I can afford to go buy him some black hair colour to cover the mass of grey he has developed in the past month.

beans37 Fri 19-Apr-13 11:08:42

Oh gosh, it's so sad and awful and horrible. It is so hard not to cry in front of the children, especially if you're a bit of a heart-on-sleeve type person, which I am, and suspect you are too, Vag. Your boys are glorious, though, picking flowers for you. How lovely.

Rubes, sounds like the stress of schools may be sorting itself out a bit? Fingers crossed. We were discussing whether to go private for our two if DD2 doesn't get into our local one as her year is so big. Hoping not to have to, though, as I don't think we'd be going on holiday again. Ever.

Good news here is that I'm off and away for a weekend to Lyon in a couple of weeks, child and husband free! A friend of mine lives there, so am tootling out by myself. I am going to confess now that I've only ever flown on my own twice before, so it's going to be a lovely adventure! I am so weedy! I can't wait! Then I have a weekend in Kent the weekend after, again without DH or DDs. Am going to miss them that weekend, as both my sisters are going and we are off to pick furniture from Mum's lovely house as she's downsizing and won't need it all. Think it may be a little heartbreaking. Then in June am going on a hen weekend in Edinburgh alone again! Lots of time off for me! Hoping it'll make up for DH buggering off to two weeks cycling in July/August! It's putting a bit of a caibosh (spelling??) on his training schedule. Hee hee hee!

Deids - how are you doing this morning? How is DS? How was his day yesterday?

I have such a terrible headache at the moment, I can hardly think straight. Driving me potty. Think the painkillers will set in soon. Got to love paracetamol when you're up the duff!

Ooh, and getting quotes in for our building works next week. Hopefully this new baby will actually have a bedroom before it's born!

Artichook Fri 19-Apr-13 11:11:45

Oh I am so glad that your DH has been paid Veg. Can he get some guarantee that there won't be future problems? Like could his company use a different third party to handle pay? I was so sorry to read about your friend, just tragic. I am glad you liked Hons' idea about writing to the baby with some memories. My father died when I was five months old and my Mum asked his friends to write about him, I have a lovely box of memories and descriptions of him from those that knew him best, written while the memories were vivid.

Rubes you really have been having a bad week. I am sorry to hear that your DH is so stressed about his exams but it incredibly sweet that even when he is stressed about his career his thought to do those notes for you. I love that! It sounds like the private school route will work out for you, but also consider wait lists. Around here lots of people get no schools in the first allocation and then get told dismal stories about wait lists but usually they get a good school if the persevere with the wait list.

Deids I hope that your DS has a better day today. Have you tried asking for advice on the behaviour/development boards? I know that wider MN can be awful but there are also lots of very knowledgeable parents out there. I have a book recommended on MN called "How to talk so kids will listen and listen so kids will talk" and its really helped me think through how to get the girls to understand what I am asking them to do.

Did I tell you guys about our school results? I cannot remember now. We got our first choice school which is this brand new free school and obviously I should be happy but I am feeling so very disloyal to DD1's school and I do hate the politics behind the free school. I have got myself in a right state about it which is mad because it was my FIRST choice!

Today is the first day of my maternity leave and I think I am just generally discombobulated by all the change. I am looked forward to being at home with the kids for the rest of the year, but terrified that I will find three too hard. I am pleased to be a lady of leisure, but most of my friends won't be at home with babies so I am scared of being bored and lacking a support network. I am excited DD2 has a s=good school but worried how to do two seperate school runs. Basically I feel quite anxious about everything and can't quite settle. I hope it is just hormones. Maybe I need to try some relaxation techniques.

beans37 Fri 19-Apr-13 11:24:13

Oh Arti - poor you feeling like that. I get like that sometimes and things get magnified in your mind. Would you consider getting an au pair for a couple of months? Could you do that? I've persuaded DH to to that for me come October, once he's had his paternity leave. Just til I get settled into the routine, so will only be for 3 months or so. But enough to get my head round 3??! And they can help with school runs and bath and bedtime, which is always a bonus - oh and housework. Brilliant! If you want to come and visit us, you're always welcome!

Rubena Fri 19-Apr-13 12:12:39

Funny you should say that Arti. Just off the phone to Surrey CC and they said we missed out by literally a whisker and will be at top if list with exact ranking avail May 15th. She sounded quietly confident we would get offered it with all the movement. If that's the case I will be in a right state as I'm liking the idea if private schools after touring them as although expensive, you can see the unbelievable difference, and what you're paying for. That said, we always intended to send them private initially from 11 then we decided 7 ish even but never really from 5!
They have a really good option for dd to start in Sept also, using the govt grants for only about £200 more per term than where she goes now And she would be doing 5 half days! [SO confused]

I see your worry as well Arti It's so stressful all this school stuff- something i never thought would be, really. I think you / we just have to do what works and is easiest / best for your family without worrying too much about loyalties etc. easier said than done I know.

Glad your dh got paid Vag. No I haven't heard of one of those? Will google!

Beans you sound extremely busy the next few months! Great news in the dc3 bedroom! grin

How are you Deids?

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