Sex after having a baby?

(5 Posts)
Doodledumdums Sat 06-Apr-13 22:46:49

Sorry if this isn't the right place to post this...i'm new to MN so wasn't really sure where to put it!

I had my DS 13 weeks ago by ECS, and am absolutely loving being a mum, the trouble is, that in becoming a mum, I feel like I have somehow lost interest in being a wife...if that makes any sense? I know it must be possible to be both, but I don't really know how?! DH and I had a great relationship before our baby was born. We're fairly compatible in that we don't have particularly high sex drives, but we kissed and cuddled all the time and love each other very much, but never really had sex more than once or twice a week. However, since my DS was born we have had sex twice, mostly because I just don't want to. I don't really know how to explain it, but I sort of feel like my role at the moment is being a mum, and I don't find myself remotely sexy or sexually driven at all. It's not really bothering me, as I am still floating on cloud nine after having my gorgeous baby, but I am beginning to feel like I am neglecting my DH a bit, and can't really explain to him why it is that I am not interested in sex at the moment. I could just have sex with him to make him feel better, but then i'd feel bad because I don't really want it so would feel like it was fake. Also, our baby is in our room, so the two times we have had sex, we've gone to the spare room while DS is asleep, which feels a bit odd?!

Does this sound remotely normal? I probably haven't really explained myself very well at all. Aside from just feeling like a mum, I also hate my post pregnancy body, and just don't feel like being naked! I do love my husband very much, and he is a great dad to our new baby, so I really don't think this is a relationship issue, but I just don't seem able to see us as parents AND husband and wife?

Can anyone identify with this?

OP’s posts: |
dragonflymama Sat 06-Apr-13 22:58:05

Everyone has to re-establish their relationship after having a baby and then again at various times as the baby / children grow. In the early days & weeks of being a mum you probably feel like you're giving your body enough (to the baby) and do don't want anyone else fussing over you (dh). Things will re-balance in time. I found once our dd slept through the night and was in her own room (@6m as we co-slept) our sex life returned to normal....or should I say the "new normal" as its never quite the same as pre-kids. You just have to be mindful of what's happening with you, dh, baby etc.

steppemum Sat 06-Apr-13 23:18:29

took me months. Lots of reasons, and I can't even blame tiredness as ds was great sleeper.

I think for me once I wasn't ebf (I had started introducing solids) then the hormones slacked off a bit and I felt more interested.

Totally normal, don't worry. Do talk to you dh and explain how much you still love him, just not feeling very sexy because of all the changes. Get cuddles instead if that works

maxpower Sat 06-Apr-13 23:23:51

Sounds completely normal to me. Keeping up affectionate behaviour like kissing and cuddling will tide to over until you get your mojo back. It's clear from your post that you love your dh that's what matters.

Doodledumdums Sun 07-Apr-13 17:27:56

Thanks for all of your replies. It's nice to know that i'm not changed forever! I will stick to cuddles and kisses with both my boys until I feel a bit more normal!

OP’s posts: |

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