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Dec 2011 - Do that again, and you're getting sold on Ebay.....

(998 Posts)
Aethelfleda Mon 18-Feb-13 22:52:04

Shiny new thread with no listing fees!

Aethelfleda Tue 14-May-13 14:15:49

New Thread

my bathrooms are full of dust, grout and tiler. DS thinks it's all hilarious...

mopsytop Tue 14-May-13 12:51:40

Nice one xiao, I think you're right.

Xiaoxiong Mon 13-May-13 23:37:01

Thanks for advice all - I read through, thought hard, and called other neighbour - we are both cooking some freezer food and bringing it round tomorrow. We are seizing the "opportunity" of sick friend being in hospital so she doesn't even need to know it was us - we'll knock on the door and when the kids' grandmother answers, just hand it over as if someone asked us to make it. They have really denied general and specific offers of help multiple times from many people, so it does feel interfere-y. Oh well, they can always throw it away if they really don't want it and hate us for making them feel obligated or something.

In other news - my mother has included me on a cced email to whole family attaching home videos of this Christmas. However - in the email she has misspelled DS's name. She hasn't done this before, and also spelled my cousin's name just fine (her nephew, same age). I am seething but recognise it could just be a typo. But misspell her only grandson's name? I'm 19 weeks and still no communication or acknowledgement of pregnancy. But apparently she's arriving in the UK a week today to see us hmm

Love the new thread title!

figgy thinking of you - can you tell your parents what you're going through and get a bit of rest while you're there?

NorthernChinchilla Mon 13-May-13 19:58:39

If we change it to 'Cybermidgets' then I'm with you aethel, check on the Dr Who reference and sounds slightly less like an infestation of small determined bugs grin

Have you not gone to the EPU figgy? Always worth getting checked out if for general health reasons, but can understand if you cba. Hope the time at your parents is soothing at least.

That sounds awful Xiao, the poor woman- that level of illness just doesn't seem right. I'd see if you can offer practical things, like others have said- and specific ones, like 'looking after the kids after school for an hour so you can go to the hospital'; 'picking up the dry cleaning/pet food/parcel from town', etc.
I think it's lovely the way you're second guessing your instincts, it's very perceptive smile. People assume that if another culture is nominally 'white/protestant' etc, they're similar, but I know with my German step mum the differences can be profound!

We've selected the estate agent- unsurprisingly it's the ones who did give us the figures and haven't called us today to pester- and hope they'll do OK, just need to haggle on the length of contract and fees a bit. Didn't book as we had DS's parents' evening tonight- he's getting on fine, very confident, just need to focus on getting some words out of him now grin!

Figgygal Mon 13-May-13 18:09:19

New thread new thread!!

Im still bleeding so pretty sure thats it will need to keep self together as off home to scotland thursday night a week with my parents blush

AnAirOfHope Mon 13-May-13 13:06:19

Like new thread title grin

I think i would take a dish of food over and ask if you can help and state what you can do like it would help i can pick kids up from school, look after them, help clean or do some shopping for you, just let me know. Then wait to be asked.

janey223 Mon 13-May-13 12:55:36

It's all politeness and not wanting to 'be a bother' but I'm sure they would actually very much appreciate your help X!

Aethelfleda Mon 13-May-13 12:53:12

Let me do you a grocery shop so you have easy food in. Shall I come and look after the DCs tomorrow so you can see DW? Let me help cos this is clearly rubbish and I want to make things easier"....

Good luck and hope she gets better very soon. Tho getting better in order to have chemo sounds pretty sucky too.... sad

As a total aside, my bathrooms are a war zone. Yay.

Also: new thread... Any ideas?? "Dec 11: running around after our Cybermites"??

Aethelfleda Mon 13-May-13 12:50:00

Oh no xiao, your poor friend sad

In terms of English privacy, it sort of depends on the friend and how well you know them/what they are like. The perception of stiff-upper-lip is often just that. So if you say "can I help at all" it's not always clear if you're just being "polite" or you really actually mean it. Likewise people say "no thankyou, we're fine" to deflect the politeness when really they would love some assistance, but don't want to put you out.
So the easiest way to get around a "no we're OK" is to then ask AGAIN, and make it clear you really do care, do want to help, and it's ok, nay, almost compulsory to say yes because declining would be rude....

So ask how hubby is doing, ring him up or invite yourself over for a cuppa if you are close enough, and then make the polite offer: hen he says no look him in the eye and say "dude, you must be ShaTTeRED. I'm so sorry you have all this crap going on and I want to help. Let me do y

Xiaoxiong Mon 13-May-13 12:19:25

Well the girls stayed with us till around 3pm until their grandparents arrived to pick them up (I guess they live a long way away). They gave us an update - lumbar puncture to confirm suspected meningitis as a complication of cancer surgery. They can't start the chemo/radiation till that's sorted I think sad

But more importantly, do you think that there's a point at which friends/neighbours can step in and help a family in this situation, despite them declining help?

They only called us on Saturday night because it was a total emergency and paramedics were at the door, but I do worry that unless they open themselves up to accept more offers of help, there will come a breaking point.

In the US people just show up in this situation and pitch in without an invitation, clean the house, stock the fridge with food and the freezer with lasagna and baked ziti etc. BUT I am mindful of cultural differences, the much higher standard of privacy here in the UK, so I always second guess my instincts.

DH thinks we should all keep our beaks out and wait to be asked again, but I and our other neighbours are all desperate to help. I really wish there was some way we could just secretly stock the freezer for them or just turn up with some shopping without pissing them off.

janey223 Mon 13-May-13 00:59:22

Figgy I'm so sorry hmm

Air you need a night out!!! Get out and have fun!

Monkey seems to have a new word every day for the past week or so, today was blue, he can now say yellow, blue and green. All I hear all day is car, cook, tea, tree, roaaaar! And today he constantly sung a-a-a apple b-b-b ball, if only he'd eat a blooming apple confused

His pronunciation of a lot of words isn't great, I think if he had less he'd probably pronounce them better.

SevenReasonsToSmile Sun 12-May-13 22:32:24

Raaahhh! DH had a big argument with MIL earlier, she had only seen DD2 once so far (literally lives a minute away) and was meant to come this afternoon so we'd made plans for the morning. She phoned to say she would have to come in the morning as she needed to cook BILs roast dinner in the afternoon. While I will never think its right I can just about accept that BIL has always been more important than DH, but how dare his fucking roast dinner be more important than my kids angry

xiao hope she's ok, sympathies on the pains.

Aethelfleda Sun 12-May-13 18:59:12

Oh no xiao! Is your friend any better? Hope her DC are alright and you know a little more about what's going on.

I had a lovely day out yesterday, met some friends in the pub and then went on to an evening event with DH for a friend's fortieth birthday party.
Just a leetle hangover this morning but it was well worth it. We hardly ever get out but lovely DSisInlaw babysat for us.

Today was spent recovering and trying to continue to fix our fence (it's going well but is slow). Excitement tomorrow though as finally our men are coming to rip out manky old showers and replace them with super new shiny ones!

Hope those valuations were good northern, remember to repeat the mantra throughout... "The estate agent is not our friend...."

Xiaoxiong Sun 12-May-13 05:18:09

And now I have my comeuppance - at midnight DH's phone rang and he ran over to babysit our neighbours' kids (2 under 4) while their mum was rushed to hospital. I can't believe I whined to him about my aches and pains all evening now, feel like a total idiot.

I will go over with DS when he wakes up - hopefully he (and pancakes!) will be able to distract them a tiny bit from being too sad and scared when they wake up to find their parents have gone somewhere while they were asleep sad

Xiaoxiong Sat 11-May-13 22:29:49

I feel so sore, absolutely like I've been beaten up with a baseball bat. Round ligament pain I think? Plus loads of sciatica, plus having to pick up DS every 5 minutes and carry him up and down four floors and he is so HEAVY now...I can't believe he will continue to get bigger, can't they just stay little babies??

I need to look back at our old threads to see whether I felt like this last time around. I seem to have blocked it all out - DH remembers it though and assures me it was the same last time.

NorthernChinchilla Fri 10-May-13 20:09:39

DS is exactly the same Cheung, loads of really expressive cough babble but no real words; definitely understands stuff, especially if it relates to food, but no proper words yet.

I'm really sorry to hear about the possible MC figgy, hope it's not too painful. It is grimly ironic, I know what you mean. Hope the weekend is vaguely bearable and that DS sleeps and lets you sleep at some point...and that your DH is being ultra-supportive.

Belated happy birthday to you Kat, hope you had a good one!

Two more valuations this weekend (so DP has to keep the house clean all the time what an awful shame grin) then decision on Monday. Whoever we choose we'll get the ball rolling despite the fact it'll be early June before it goes on the market, no point waiting.
Naturally, the wrecked place with the wonderful garden I was eyeing on Rightmove has vanished...

CheungFun Fri 10-May-13 18:51:32

Oh Figgy hope you're doing ok? I'm rubbish at knowing what to say, but hugs from me.

Air I think you need to make a bid for freedom (a night out) when you're not feeling so down, maybe organise something with your friends or a school mums get together? 4.5 years is too long grin

Well DS is not interested in talking as far as I can tell, he babbles a lot and says 'dadadadada' a lot. I know he understands a lot e.g. 'do you want a drink?', 'can you choose a book?', 'bring me the puzzle' etc. I'm sure he will start talking at some point!

I'll try to catch up on the thread now, sorry for not name checking everyone.

AnAirOfHope Fri 10-May-13 16:00:51

Its so ironic that im stressed and tired and kid free but i cant sleep cos im stressed/depressed/over tired!

AnAirOfHope Fri 10-May-13 15:57:03


Aethel envy of secrate rooms and hope finger is better soon

Queenie sorry about the holiday and Darcie sad enjoy the film

Im in a low mood due to:
1) sick children
2)lack of sleep
3) Dh going to wedding do tonight on his own when i stay and look after sick children on no sleep
4) never going out on my own since having children (4.5 fucking years)

Inlaws have take kids and im in bed crying at the rejection shown by fw/dh.

I know im unreasonable and he can go out but im depressed and tired and i will still try to fake happy sad

(I never go out, was looking forward to it, its dh coworker i dont know getting married and dh cant have our anniversary off because she is on honeymoon, angry the cheek of some people) wink

SevenReasonsToSmile Fri 10-May-13 15:33:36

So sorry figgy.

Figgygal Fri 10-May-13 15:05:16

Thanks ladies I'm not in pain just bleeding a lot it could be worse.

Gary DS only saying bubbles, ball, juice, mummy, daddy and uh oh really and lots of animal noises I'm not worrying though it'll come. He jabbers constantly.

Cm sent DS home yesterday with play bags shed made 1 is peppa pig themed with 4 books and peppa toys, 1 is Ben and holly themed again with books and toys the other is the scruffiest giant in town with a bag of his clothes (shoes, tie, socks etc) should keep him busy.

He's been up since 7.15 why is he still going???

BeeMyBaby Fri 10-May-13 13:59:31

Figgy I'm really sorry to hear about that

Gary I think DC1s generally are slower at talking than DC2s, as Air said, my DDs are the same - DD1 could only say a few words at this age (and only in Berber, no English at all) where as DD2 can say lots of words now, particularly ones which DD1 commonly uses - help me, and me, look, MINE, NOooooo!, Weewee and Duck! are probably her favourite ones.

GaryBuseysTeeth Fri 10-May-13 13:10:15

So sorry to hear your news Figgy, any chance it's not a mc? Hope all goes 'well' at EPU on Monday. Hope you have a peaceful weekend & here if you need a handhold/rant. x

Belated Happy Birthday Kat!! Hope you have a lovely weekend!

Aethel envy I would love a secret room, my best friend at school had crawlspace in her attic (bedroom! lucky cow!) and I was so jealous!
Hope you have a lovely night out on Sat!

Hope you & DH have had a lovely day Queen!

<calpol> for DS Faffin. Glad it went well with architect & builder, enjoy arguing with DH!

Northen hmm sorry to hear your 1st estate agent sounded like a typical one, hope the next two are better!

Going for a late (was last weekend) Wedding Anniversary meal/night out with DH tomorrow, DS is staying with PIL and then on Sunday we're taking him to a safari park for the first time!
Still only saying mama, dada, egg & yummy here...DH is starting to worry,

Faffin Fri 10-May-13 12:28:25

So sorry to hear that figgy

Sorry the holiday didn't go as planned queen. Enjoy your film

Glad there wasn't a break aethel and that the finger is on the mend

Belated happy birthday Kat

Poor DS has a very sore teethy bum at the moment. Have had to bring out the big yellow guns for that one!

We had a meeting with the architect and builder last night. They're going to rig me up a temporary kitchen, incl washing machine, in the dining room smile. Build will take 10-12 weeks so I'm very relieved about that. I don't know how you coped doing your kitchen up when DD was a newborn jiggle. Now for me and DH to argue make lots of decisions about the kitchen, appliances, furniture, windows, floor etc. etc.

QueenofClean Fri 10-May-13 10:02:01

Figgy sorry to hear that. sad

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