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December 2012 - so, do we all know what we're doing yet?

(994 Posts)
MaMaPo Sun 20-Jan-13 04:56:17


Secondsop Sun 20-Jan-13 15:10:07

pmgkt I go by weight not age - i figured that babies of the same age could be dramatically different sizes and stomach size is the name of the game - but am ultimately guided by his hunger. Eg we moved up to 120g when he wasn't at the weight for it yet because after his 90g feeds he was waiting 10 minutes to see if any more food was forthcoming and then crying. It seems to be working because he's putting on weight in leaps and bounds, but he is getting breast milk as well so is getting extra food.

SpottyTeacakes Sun 20-Jan-13 15:11:50

COD you're doing so well I hope it clears up soon.

pidj and cookies how are the roads your way? I've got to be at Southampton general for nine tomorrow confused

HoneyMumandSon Sun 20-Jan-13 15:15:46

Barbeasty no, he has somehow worked out to scream if we put him in the Moses basket at any point other than when we go to bed. Will only sleep on us until we're in bed!

If we persevere do you think we'll persuade him eventually?!

itsMYNutella Sun 20-Jan-13 15:22:43

Too much of a pansy to start my own AIBU thread but I need to vent...

I am really angry and I'm sure I shouldn't be so angry but I can't help it.
Earlier in the week DP was reading something about not putting yourselves under pressure as new parents and avoid all stress (other than a newborn with outrageous gas issues obviously). Then the next day he asked if his parents could come over this weekend for another visit. confused I said I'd prefer not to see them again so soon because they have only been critical thus far and made us both rather sad. Also all they can think about is their grandchild and they feel entitled to visit and see him (they actually asked DP on the phone this week why they are being kept away from their grandchild). DP has explained to them that we have been to hospital twice (once for T -jaundice issue; and once for me - uterus not contracting properly) and we're busy enough just trying to sort ourselves out.

I also pointed out that he had said we should avoid stress and then he had allowed his parents to put pressure on him. Then he had to persuade me to say yes sad I said yes because I know he is always stuck in the middle and feels hugely obligated to say yes.
We try and get out for a walk every day, we all enjoy the fresh air and some daylight.
The PIL were supposed to be here at 16:00. We arrived home from our walk at 15:40 to find them standing on the doorstep. They couldn't agree (between themselves) if we had said 15:30 or 16:00 so decided to come at 15:30 hmm

I think we need to have a talk with them and set up some boundaries. I feel it's unfair that they manipulate DP and don't seem to have a problem doing it. Or am I overreacting?

SpottyTeacakes Sun 20-Jan-13 15:31:24

Honey he will get there eventually, if you really want to do it in my experience it takes a couple of weeks of hard work and then they get it. I do think slowly slowly low stress is best. And if it all goes wrong it doesn't matter, tomorrow is another day and you can start again.

Nutella tell them to bugger off. DP's parents have only seen DS about three times blush they know we are busy and tired and so tend to lave us to it, as do my parents, and just ask to visit every few weeks which is fine by me although they always tell me how knackered I look, why do people do that? Everyone thinks they have the right to comment ffs, of course I look knackered grin

SpottyTeacakes Sun 20-Jan-13 15:32:06

Oops I just ate a whole packet of Jaffa Cakes whilst typing that blush

itsMYNutella Sun 20-Jan-13 15:40:38

DP had told them they could visit for one hour. Well there are 3 minutes left. The hour for me & T has consisted of a nappy change, followed by poosplosion and full clothing change followed by feeding quietly in bedroom... I'm so tempted to wander into the living room and say goodbye (once the unfillable child releases my nipple)... I know it wouldn't be at all helpful but I would like to take the pressure off DP and I don't give a rats about pissing them off.

FriendofDorothy Sun 20-Jan-13 15:43:46

I was trying to work why the other thread was so quiet!

SpottyTeacakes Sun 20-Jan-13 15:50:07

grin FoD

Nutella just go in and say 'Well it was lovely to see you, me and ds are going to have a nap but we will look forward to seeing you again, shall we say three weeks saturday?' or something?

Bellaboo123 Sun 20-Jan-13 15:53:46

Nutella not unreasonable it sounds like they're being really thoughtless, you're tired and more sensitive and need to worry about your family unit without having to stress about pleasing inlaws. These times are tiring they'll be plenty of times to enjoy their grandchild!

Clarella Sun 20-Jan-13 16:03:07

bugger. rich tea dunking disaster while catching up....

SpottyTeacakes Sun 20-Jan-13 16:05:12

Serves you right you dirty dunker wink

Clarella Sun 20-Jan-13 16:09:30

not unreasonable nutella, can dp talk to them? we've been v careful about visitors etc as I had anxiety in pregnancy and didn't want it triggered - dh has been v careful to limit relatives etc talking it over with me and it's really helped (I'm so well now it's weird). but you do have to be careful if possible - pnd can hit anyone without warning.

honey I wonder if you should focus on just the moses basket bit for now? take tiny steps?

really feel for you thrush sufferers <hugs>

Clarella Sun 20-Jan-13 16:10:15

jaffa scoffa grin

StaceymReadyForNumber3 Sun 20-Jan-13 16:10:56

grin spotty!

nutella YANBU at all I wish people would just think about how they are making new parents feel. This time around I'm ok but with ds1 I was awful, and I think other peoples expectations and the pressure that put on me contributed to my PND. Take care of yourself and sod thinking about their feelings!

Well me and ds just had an hours nap on the sofa (with him propped up on my legs, with my legs bent up iykwim. And DH in the room). I feel decidedly more human now which is nice. Gotta sort dinner out now though oh the joys!

Clarella Sun 20-Jan-13 16:13:30

sorry nutella, mis read a bit of it, your dp also needs to realise why no stress (lower risks of low mood etc) - and what you find specifically stressful, which he may not understand. its really hard seeing others pov and definitely now more than ever.

halesball Sun 20-Jan-13 16:15:34

Aww Nutella, maybe your DP needs to have a word with them, maybe tell the PIL who is more approachable, that you would like some space to get to know your LO. What a horrible position to be in though.

COD i hope they figure something out for you. The pain just stops a good BF relationship, so i hope it leaves you both soon.

MyDaydream Sun 20-Jan-13 16:19:50

pmg I went on how much he wants to eat, the box says he should be on 90ml but that doesn't touch the sides and hes still crying for more so upped him into 120ml. Although we only feed 3 formulas a day rather than all formula.
nutella not at all unreasonable to tell anyone who's causing you stress they can't visit. Although understand its a lot harder to actually say, especially if they're manipulative.
Jealous of your dunking clarella, I have custard creams but DP is too busy to make me a cup of tea and I'm pinned down.
Does anyone have a double pump and are they as time saving as they seem? I've rented a single that I've got until they call saying they need it back but am struggling to find 40 minutes to express when I'm alone and still eat, drink and pee. Is it easy to do both at the same time? I'm really unsure whether to she'll out if I'll still struggle to do both together, but ice started noticing a reduction in my supply so need to do something.

HoneyMumandSon Sun 20-Jan-13 16:28:51

nutella YANBU. In laws need to deal with the fact that they aren't the centre of the universe and that they don't actually have any entitlement. Of course they can see their grandchild, but when it's convenient for you.

PurplePidjin Sun 20-Jan-13 16:48:02

In laws are like teenagers - they need to know there are consequences to overstepping the mark!

Pretty clear down my way, Spotty, but I'm 25 miles away from Southampton

Mega clingy baby has cluster fed all day, calpol has calmed him a bit and the boys are being collected shortly by my parents so they can visit my gran - 2hours of peace for me!!!!!

HoneyMumandSon Sun 20-Jan-13 17:06:53

pidj glad you're getting some time to yourself grin Does calpol work to calm clingy baby?

itsMYNutella Sun 20-Jan-13 17:32:11

Thanks everyone. T has been having a bad day and wouldn't settle so the PIL didn't get to see him much but I had to hand him over to DP so I could go to the toilet. So I sat and chatted to them, in between yawning and generally being not very friendly they left about 15 mins later.

Hmmm, T is asleep... Think I might have a nap

WillYouDoTheFandango Sun 20-Jan-13 18:04:12

nutella not at all unreasonable. With DP back at work family time is precious. I've become very antisocial. Just been to Dneph's birthday party and refused to let J be passed tound like a ragdoll. If PiL want a baby, MiL can push one out of her own fanjo.

Pgmkt midwife told me that if the baby regularly finishes his bottle then it's time to take it up an ounce. We're on 4oz, he usually takes between 3 and 4 but sometimes guzzles 6oz

Clarella and Spotty don't make me come and separate you! Mmm biscuits!

Daydream I double expressed using a medela. Took some getting the hang of but was a life saver with regards to time. Even managed to go Hands free after a few days. Word of warning you look like a cow when you're doing it! DP used to shudder when I popped down the cups of my sexy feeding bra and strapped on the milker!

Enjoy your solitude Pidj (classic autocorrect to podge then, probably wouldn't have gone down well grin )

StaceymReadyForNumber3 Sun 20-Jan-13 18:13:36

I have had a whole half hour with noone sucking my nipples it feels like a win! Lol definately having a growth spurt!

I've got my 6wk check tomo morning and my blood test to check the gestational diabetes was just that and my sugar levels are normal now.

Fingers crossed for a good night for all tonight!

itsMYNutella Sun 20-Jan-13 18:24:56

That hap lasted all of about 5 minutes... Back to screaming and inbetween feeding hmm has anyone found a cure yet for infant belly pain?? Poor little man confused if there was anything I could do I'd do it! I'm contemplating a diet of porridge...

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