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October 2012 babies - over here nobbers!

(1000 Posts)
Smorgs Wed 02-Jan-13 19:36:21

This really will be the thread where all our babies start sleeping through the night... right?!

BoraBora Fri 18-Jan-13 19:54:29

Am just having a bit of a look at attachment parenting. Do you have any of Sears books, Oren, or any other recommendations for reading?

What I've read so far completely chimes with me.

londonlivvy Fri 18-Jan-13 20:16:23

argh. I am stressed. DD had her jabs yesterday. she was v tetchy in the afternoon and so I gave her calpol, as the nurse had advised. she slept great despite her room being 14oC. (I have since realised my parents had turned off the radiator in her room).

today she seemed fine. then five pm I thought she felt hot. 37.4 armpit temp 36.8 is normal. so I gave her calpol. I measured again at seven and it was 36.4 but she still feels hot. I've just tried to take it again but armpit is a complete pita. I ended up waking her up, reducing her to rage and not getting a measurement. wishing I had bought the ear thermometer.

I'm down at my parents though they are out at a party.

do I wake her every hour to check? or just loosen blankets etc and check her again at 1030pm feed?

help and reassurance please girls.

squidkid Fri 18-Jan-13 20:29:19

Hey London.
Sounds stressful.
I have also accidentally slept baby in a far too cold room - it's ok.
All those temps you've mentioned are fine (37.4 is ok) but I think there was some discussion a few weeks back about the difficulties of getting accurate temps with little babies. Is she well and normal in herself today - feeding as usual, wet nappies, not been drowsy? If so I would just remove a blanket and check again later at an easier time.
If you are concerned about her feeding, behaviour (esp too drowsy), not many wet nappies... prob worth giving more calpol aftr 4 hrs and keeping a closer eye.
You are her mum, you know better than anyone if she's "not right". But don't work yourself up into a stress checking temps if she seems ok.
Hope that helps.

hufflepuffle Fri 18-Jan-13 22:09:58

My son is Definately a bloke. He rarely laughs for me. Laughs for daddy tho! This evening I had indigestion. Burping like a pregnant woman. DS found this hilarious. Near made myself sick trying to repeatedly burp. He was actually cackling......

Boys! grin

(don't wish to stereotype! Feel free to burp at your girls and see if they are so highly amused!)

lisbethsopposite Fri 18-Jan-13 22:14:38

A naughty quick post and run.

I had the cyst removed on Thurs. (Barthalain's - it's in the vagina!). I was knackered facing op so I gave myself a big treat for the night! I booked a carer to mind baby from 8PM to 9AM (post-op).
Anyway there was a bit of drama as to whether or not they would do the op as my temp was 38 and I had a cough. Anyway they decided to go ahead.
I got home around 8pm and I had to 'pump & dump'. I had some expressed milk for baby and we also used formula. I had the BEST night's sleep. Unbelievable. I woke up feeling like a million dollars.
I had to go to my GP today for removal of a 'wick' which I visualised as something about half a matchstick. Anyway the nurse pulled out about about 15inches of bloody ribbon. My lady garden, which I don't see too often looks like a scary jungle. Swollen and bruised.

Anyway GP put me on anti-biotics.

I could not BF for 24hrs post anaesthetic, so I went out this morning leaving baby with AuPair (who is fab). It reminded me of those chats we used to have that we would love NOT to be pregnant - just for one day. I can truly say I enjoyed my morning with my boobs covered.
Jeans will definitely remain in the back of the wardrobe for a while!!

I hope everyone is hanging on ok.
A friend of a friend lost her baby here at 32 weeks! I cried when I heard. Look how far we have come. A night off for me was fabulous. I'll keep it in mind the next time it is getting too hard.

YompingJo Fri 18-Jan-13 22:38:30

Londonmrss, I got really stressed during a difficult feed last week and made a really loud noise of frustration at dd. Immediately wished I could take it back. She paused, looking at me, then cried really hard. I actually made her cry by being mean to her sadsadsad. I have really given myself a hard time for it. DH said she would have forgotten after a couple of minutes and she still loves me. He's right. Doesn't excuse my behaviour but it was a one off, the only time in 13 weeks that it has happened and every other thing I have done for her has been to make her feel safe and loved and secure. So don't worry, your feelings are normal, it is really hard to stay calm, I think you'd have to be a saint to manage it all the time. I am sure others have felt the same way too.

OctoberOctober Fri 18-Jan-13 23:02:03

wooleybob on the travel cot front, the best one I have seen is the Graco one a friend used. We had a Phil and Teds for DS1 which was alright but I always found it a bit annoying the way it tapered upwards so meant it was a bit diddly lifting him in and out. If I remember rightly, the reason we got it was because it was longer than most of the others (but narrower I think). Need to fish it out to take to my parents as DS bursting out of carrycot.

lisbethsopposite Fri 18-Jan-13 23:45:04

On a small amount of catch up Olive - my DM drives me nuts with her advice. There is some good stuff but loads of nonsense. E.g. 'Go to the dr at the first sign of a cough and get antibiotics' angry
I wouldn't bother trying to explain myself, if I were you, on the BF. My DM suggested I BF in the bathroom at home at Christmas - no support there! I try to be deaf and let it over my head. Sometimes that means I completely stop listening altogether and I get caught blush
I am on DS2, and when DS1 was born my DM kept going on and on about a premature and underweight baby at the time that was sleeping through the night - 8 hrs without a feed!! I checked with my MW friends who said they would WAKE an underweight baby for feeds, not rejoice at the sleep. Couldn't convince my mum though.
It is a bit rotten, because when you complain about a problem, it's like they use that as a stick to beat you/show you are going wrong.
Mothers IMO are in the category of things that must be accepted because they cannot be changed.
They love their grandchildren to bits and are wonderful to them so it's not worth falling out.

Smorgs Sat 19-Jan-13 03:05:25

Hmm 4am seems to be playtime confused

londonlivvy Sat 19-Jan-13 07:58:47

Thanks squid. By 1030 she was measuring on the low side. 35.4 . It's the same this morning. (One measurement was 35) but she seems happy and smiley and so I've calmed down. Relly appreciate the reassurance

Sorry to post and run everyone but am down at my parents whilst DF has his exams. No snow here in Cornwall.

Woolybob Sat 19-Jan-13 08:19:46

Thanks october will check that out smile . Was reading mumsnet reviews and the top ones are either that or one of the tent type ones. Need to go and have a look and a play in rl I reckon.

londonmrs that sounds rubbish, hope you're ok and feeding improves, you're allowed to self involved on here. Remember that some lo sleep through 12 hours (not mine!) without feeding so at this age I don't think you have to panic so much about dehydration. Hope you go on your walk and enjoy it, you did exactly the right thing handing over to your dh and leaving the room. We all need headspace sometimes.

yomping she will have forgotten immediately, you're doing a great job.

Well after a series of poor night's dd only woke twice in 12 hours last night! What's more at 4.30 she woke immediately when I put her down but then just lay there making happy squeaky noises and sucking her fingers noisily for 20mins and then fell asleep herself. shock grin .

I put her down to sleep on her crib in our bedroom for naps if we are home and use the baby monitor now, we also use it in the evening as she's asleep about 8pm now. Although since dh's been away I've just gone to bed with her. She gets better all the time and is 15 weeks now so there is hope for those with poor mappers/sleepers grin

Orenishii Sat 19-Jan-13 09:32:47

bora yes I read lots of Dr Sears stuff, the Continuum Concept - which is where we started - and then as a weird act of synchronistic timing, one of DH's clients runs Babies Know. And then just this as a sort of practical life stuff.

I do think a lot of people do AP without calling it that. It's just I also think we fall into thinking we shouldn't as well - thinking we need nurseries or whatever, and creating distance for our own benefit rather than our baby's. I'm not making judgements on anyone else - to each their own smile I just tend to think we get bombarded with marketing, products and theories for the convenience of others and we've ended up with a society that tip toes around children rather than being child led but placing them firmly within the family rather than as a sort of separate component.

I read the CC and it really resonated...I'd read a lot of other anthropology stuff like the Third Chimpanzee and just loved CC on that level. You'd probably be interested in CC.

BoraBora Sat 19-Jan-13 10:52:51

Thanks Oren, I shall have a read. I was talking to DH about it last night and he was telling me abiut CC.

BoraBora Sat 19-Jan-13 11:23:28

Oren it's very very interesting stuff. How closely are you following it? Do you plan to be a SAHM?

Orenishii Sat 19-Jan-13 11:36:42

We're very committed to it but it's hard shaking off a lot of the social the moment practicing the rucksack hold to have him on my back while i do stuff and include him rather than get a playpen etc. The stuff about including but not making him the centre is really the approach, and meeting his needs with compassion helps my anxiety and stress smile I do have a pram but i don't like it - it's purely because i'm not yet strong enough to shop and carry him.

Would love to be a SAHM but we'll have to see how finances are. There's a good section on working and this approach which helps. We've also put him down for a Montessori nursery when he's three.

There are times i default to a distance but revisiting these books, and others like Playful Parenting help.

lisbethsopposite Sat 19-Jan-13 11:41:03

Zara I thought your ILs were in Dublin and you were the Kiwi . Have I got it wrong?
I get pangs reading about your Mil wanting her sons to be near. Girls like to be near their mums - where else would we get such great advice!?
One of my worst nightmares would be if my sons settled on the other side of the world. Of course i want them happy but hope they find a nice local girl. grin

Londonmrss Sat 19-Jan-13 14:04:29

Not wishing too cause any controversy, but is it bad to occasionally let a baby be by themselves? It's a genuine question and it's something I wonder a lot. My baby is happy to play on her own sometimes. Really, I often stay near her and whenever I look, she's happy and smiling and cooing. It means I can get things done and as long as she knows I'll always come immediately and trends to her needs if she does have needs, I figured it was good for a baby to develop skills in self-selling but also just playing independently. I thought this would raise a child who is independent and strong and free but secure in the knowledge that they are loved and looked after.
Am I damaging her with this attitude?

FirstTimeForEverything Sat 19-Jan-13 14:10:55

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BoraBora Sat 19-Jan-13 14:20:53

Great - I think it will do a lot for my anxiety too. I get freaked out by lots of stuff that CC says is natural. I love the including but not centre - that's EXACTLY how DH naturally does it, and how I want to be more if the time (I often respond with anxiety and drama! "Oh my god she's crying, drop everything I think she's really ill!").

I've ordered a couple of book smile before they get here can I ask your opinion on something? DD doesn't like being in the sling a lot of the time (she will sometimes though) I guess if we'd done it from birth shed be better, but is it too late at nearly 12 weeks? Should we persist in putting her in it in the hope that it'll be better in the long term? I would feel that I wasn't being very sensitive to get short term needs??

I would love her to go to a Montessori but it seems that proper Montessori only have morning sessions, thus basically insisting on you being a SAHP.

funchum8am Sat 19-Jan-13 14:36:56

Londonmrs I also leave babyfunch to play on her own at times. The vast majority of the time, I am in the room observing her or at least nearby doing some knitting or reading or mumsnetting and that is when I have seen her do lots of things for the first time eg reaching for a toy, rolling to her side, grasping her rattle etc. I think babies need a bit of space to explore their world rather than having us direct them all the time. Sometimes I use the time for a quick bit of sorting clothes, putting a wash on, and she seems happy with those times too. Obviously if she cries out I always go to her though. I would think we are not alone in letting them be alone at times. Hope I am not getting it all wrong though!

We are having horrific nights and my solution was co sleeping and letting her feed at will while lying down, but last night she fed so much she was full at 3:30am and just screamed!! DH got up with her about ten past four, thank god it is a weekend. She didn't go back to sleep til 12 but is still asleep now-hopefully when I wake her in a sec she will have caught up on her sleep and can go back to her normal routine and have a better night. Se wakes about 1:30 and won't go back in her crib after that EVERY NIGHT without fail! I totally sympathise with those who have come close to losing it, I am regularly in tears about the sleep issue and it even makes me tearful just thinking about it in the day now. But, this too shall pass etc.

Phew I think I needed to get that out, feel a bit brighter now. Thanks if you have read all this!

BoraBora Sat 19-Jan-13 14:48:25

London, I think it would be really unhelpful to be constantly stimulating baby and being on their face all the time. They need the chance to assimilate all the new information. Remember everything is new to them, so it can all get a bit much having Lamaze toys waggled at then constantly smile

BoraBora Sat 19-Jan-13 14:49:07

*in their face, not on their face. That would be dangerous.

hufflepuffle Sat 19-Jan-13 15:02:44

Quick nosy and catch up as I'm in work and DH is practicing being SAHD! londonmrss sincerely hope u feeling better and missy feeding better?? I hav had 3 episodes in past few days of screaming at boob..... As ever, glad to read it here first. Took the approach he is not hungry and just left it for another hour. Happier baby. He is def feeding more efficiently and less often. Hav been having lots of nipple attack feeding lately, perhaps he was trying to tell me something.

And yes, I completely and utterly encourage and delight in DS playing by himself. He cannot possibly want to sit/lie on me at all times or wiggle stuff at him!! He happily lies on mat or rug and looks at/ swats various things or just examines his surroundings. I'm usually in same room but I'm not afraid to do what I need to around house while he is content and I check on. I am pleased that he is secure and independent enough to do this and cannot see how I could function any other way! I also spend time with him on floor playing or in my knee to sing/ talk / massage but he gets fed up with me annoying him too!

Best get back to it .. ....

Olivess Sat 19-Jan-13 15:35:25

Thanks for all the support regarding DM/MIL advice. I guess being a mum makes you open to all sorts of unwanted advice. I'm just going to nod and remind myself that all babies are different and to trust my instincts. That's what I dislike so much about Gina Ford etc... there's no room for your baby being an individual etc... Talking about dislikes - hope not to offend anyone but I really hate how the baby whisperer book has those categories for babies - angel, text book, grumpy etc...How can you put a label on a baby like that. Baby olives changes on a day to day basis or hourly, sometimes an angel, sometimes grumpy. it depends on her mood, what we're doing etc... Just like I have grumpy days, touchy days and calmer days. Rant over!!

Yesterday I went to work to request going back part time (I'm a primary school teacher). Turns out I chose a terrible day to go in, lots of stress with various children etc... So the meeting didn't go great. She started by saying no she wanted me to stay full time but did end the conversation by saying she would think about it after I pointed out a few possibilities. So we'll have to see. I feel a bit stressed about it but DH is very calm and rationalised it all to me.

funchum8am Sat 19-Jan-13 16:31:15

Good luck With the flexible working olivess, DH is a primary teacher and has just floated the idea of going part time at his school too. However the head responded by saying she is considering retiring so they both have some sorting out to do (he is the deputy head so she presumably would prefer him to be there full time to help with the transition to a new head.). Fingers crossed for you, should be possible with this much notice.

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