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November 2012 - all the babies have arrived

(1000 Posts)
StuntNun Wed 12-Dec-12 23:16:45

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horseylady Thu 13-Dec-12 15:36:23

Someone slap me. I am not feeding my baby poison by giving him formula, he will not die.
Even thinking about starting to bf will break me. Expressing was stopped because my supply was low and the stress was getting to me. He's sometimes sleeping through.

I will be doing it for me, not him. That is wrong. I am not a failure even though I feel like the worst mum in the world.

Move on horsey, move on.....

StuntNun Thu 13-Dec-12 16:09:27

Horsey okay we've all been lying to you, it really is poison! wink Are you thinking about relactating? It would be possible but I think you are just torturing yourself. I persevered with breastfeeding DS1 through his breast refusal and ultimately it led to PND and failure to bond. I didn't start to build a real bond with him until he was 4 or 5 and we may never have the close relationship I have with the other two boys. So bfing isn't necessarily the best thing you can do for your child. My DS1 would have been better off on formula. IMO you have done the right thing. Can you allow yourself to regret that breastfeeding didn't work out without blaming yourself. It wasn't your fault, circumstances conspired against you.

TheDetective Thu 13-Dec-12 16:09:59

If you are a failure then so am I!

But I don't feel I failed? I feel I did what I could for as long as I could!

You would fail if you weren't feeding your child. End of!

Both me and DS seem happier for the decision.

Please don't feel any guilt. You have absolutely no need to. You are doing the best for your son right now.

YellowWellies Thu 13-Dec-12 16:12:39

Horsey slap! You are the best Mum in the world for E.

I think it would be incredibly difficult at this point to try to relactate - is that even the right word? BFing isn't just for Mum it is for baby too but seriously hon with Christmas coming up and the family stress that that entails - does it sound like a good idea to you?

TheDetective Thu 13-Dec-12 16:14:06

Horsey breastfeeding was breaking the bond I had quickly built with Oscar. I could feel it ebbing away. I made the decision as hard as it was because I was not going to allow myself to feel that way any longer. I'm finding feeding him a pleasure now and am not dreading him waking up. I spent the last week feeling like bf was my life. And I hated it. Which was strange as I didn't at first. Maybe I'm weak, but it all just got too much in the end.

No regrets.

PetiteRaleuse Thu 13-Dec-12 16:16:21

Horsey if that is the case then I am CHOOSING to poison both my children and a bad mum for not liking breastfeeding.

No you are not poisoning your baby. Formula saves lives, and the mental health of many many struggling mums.

And formula feeding is not failing. It is feeding your baby. How is that failure?

Kyzordz Thu 13-Dec-12 16:27:47

You're not a failure at all Horsey, please don't think like that. It's easier said than done though, I know I felt a failure too when making the decision to FF. I did it because if I hadn't I really don't think we'd have bonded as the stress of sitting and expressing constantly because he couldn't/wouldn't latch on and the lack of sleep had me sat in tears in a corner all the time. Formula isn't poison anyway - I can't argue breast milk isn't better BUT formula is perfectly fine too smile

Sorry to hear J is the same tits, poor little fella sad

My LO likes sleeping on his front too bluetinkerbell, he sleeps alot easier on my front, especially if he seems a bit distressed at all for any reason.

Thanks all for the tips smile I've raised his bed so his head end is higher, and I check his temperature every four hours (or more if i'm feeling particularly neurotic!) and so far it hasn't gone above 37C, it's been between 36.5 and 37 every time. He's still feeding roughly every 4 hours but sometimes will be happy with as little as an ounce and a half if I left him to it sometimes, which doesn't seem like an awful lot at all sad On the other hand he has only been sick once and he did drink another couple of ounces after he was sick to sort of make up for it. I'm pretty much feeding him on demand at the moment, for example he had 3oz at 2pm, really didn't want more, and then he's just had another 1.5oz, and doesn't want anymore again. Normally he'd have about 4-6oz and go four hours, but I'm thinking he's best off drinking when he wants to drink, to keep his energy to fight his cold.

If he wants to sleep do I let him sleep? He doesn't go massive periods, longest is five hours at night and still the four hours in the day. I guess it depends how much he's drinking and how he is in himself?

He pulled a stunt on me today. Just finished 3oz, sat upright but asleep (I keep him like that after feeds because of the silent reflux, he does have the infant gaviscon now but still) and he started coughing and then choking. He brought up the tiniest little bit of milk and stopped breathing for what seemed like forever. My mum was here with us but what if she wasn't? What if he does it and I can't make him stop? I'm utterly petrified. I know he's all bunged up and struggling with mucus but do they frequently cough/choke/splutter? He doesn't seem to have much of a cough at all unless he's just fed. I'm assuming it's because it's irritating his throat as he's just been using it, or something? He will cough if he cries too, and also will cry when he's coughed. Often it sounds like he's bringing something up but it never results in any mucus coming out, just him pulling a face and swallowing it back down. After the sicky/choking episode he had some thick green candles that the nasal sucky thing got out with the aid of cotton buds. He sounded lovely and clear after that for all of five minutes!

I'm not sure I'm cut out for this you know :'( This little person, the most important, wonderful person in my life depends entirely on me and I just don't think i'm good enough for him. I'm sure he deserves so much better, someone much more competent and calm and collected than I am. After his choking earlier I just went to pieces, and it wasn't even that serious in the grand scheme of things, I know worse happens to them but I really fell apart. What use am I to him? I need to pull myself together and I know this, but saying it and doing it are very different. I have only just gotten over being scared of being left alone with him, and now it's back sad I hope it goes away again

PetiteRaleuse Thu 13-Dec-12 16:46:34

Kyzordz, it might help to buy a decent first aid book and read it. I was recommended 'when your child is ill'

I bought it because DD1 was never ill until she became mobile, at which point she started banging her head, a lot. I needed to understand signs of concussion. Having a little knowledge does help not to panic.

It's scary being so responsible for such a tiny being, but babies aren't as fragile as they look - they've fought the hardest battle through pregnancy andbirth. As long as you are vigilant and get help when you think something is wrong you will be doing a brilliant job.

With your baby being full of a cold his breathing will be a little strange and it does seem like they are choking sometimes.

PetiteRaleuse Thu 13-Dec-12 16:49:39

Mght be worth getting him checked out in the morning though. A Dr would listen to his chest to see hw much phlegm is in there.

pikz Thu 13-Dec-12 16:55:52

horsey you are doing an amazing job. I too keep thinking I've failed as the breast feeding is just not working properly and it's taking all my strength to keep on expressing all his feeds. For ever step forward with Brest feeding we take 2 back it feels like.

There are 3 of us out of 8 of the NCT class struggling badly. The other 5 make it look like a walk in the park. It works so differently for every person and every situation.

You are an ace mum. Keep faith in that.

Big hugs all round.

Kyzordz Thu 13-Dec-12 16:59:42

Thanks petite, I'll order that book. He was seen on Monday and the doctor said he's really healthy, chest was clear, just has a snotty nose. It might help me to feel better going tomorrow too though. I have his six week check Tuesday and doctors Wednesday too and I won't hesitate to take him to be seen over the weekend. Logically I know he's fine, it just panics me when they do things like bringing stuff up and then not breathing. It must've only been for about ten seconds that I couldn't get him to breathe but that's long enough for me!

PetiteRaleuse Thu 13-Dec-12 17:06:10

It'll put your mind at rest to take him in and ask what you should do if it happens again.

My LO has funny breathing - has done since birth but it is improving, possibly linked to her heart murmur which is sorting itself out - feels like she's doing apnea sometimes, it worried me at first, so I understnd your panic.

PetiteRaleuse Thu 13-Dec-12 17:07:30

This is the book

Izzybuzzybuzzybees Thu 13-Dec-12 17:07:59

Popping in to mark place. Will try keep up this time!

sweetpea1112 Thu 13-Dec-12 17:11:02

Horsey I know exactly how you feel. Oscar is ff because our issues with bf were causing me not to bond well with him & I didn't want every feed to be a battle. We are both so much happier now but that doesn't stop the guilt. My SIL had a baby 2 weeks before me & is bf her baby and I find it hard to hear about how her feeding is going - especially as her baby actually sleeps at nightenvy but I hope the guilt will ease with time.

Sorry, this probably isn't particularly helpful for you but just wanted to let you know that you aren't alone in these feelings.

YellowWellies Thu 13-Dec-12 17:12:23

Just has HV over. Jonas is still putting on 1/2 lb a week so is now on the 91st centile for his gestation! He's a grand 9lb 9oz am chuffed grin. But his thrush still isn't really shifting sad

Also asked the HV about restarting running and she warned that doing too much exercise can make the milk bitter (from lactic acid?) so to take it easy if I intend to keep nursing - is this true, it sounds like an old wives tale?

daisychain76 Thu 13-Dec-12 17:23:14

Kyz the fact you are so concerned about your LO tells me you are a great mum ~ l would be equally scared in that situation and l‘m on dc3. On a practical note some nct groups, surestart centres and clinics offer baby first aid courses. These early days are often so scary and stressful but it does pass and you will start to feel more and more confident as time goes by.

ValiumQueen Thu 13-Dec-12 17:28:20

horsey <<slaps around face several times in a very loving empowering way>> that is all smile

horseylady Thu 13-Dec-12 17:28:42

Kyz -- choking is a regular occurrence here. ESP when he had his cold.

Thanks everyone. Had a rather unpleasant encounter. Ended up me being rather evil back teaching the cow a lesson and asking her what would she prefer a starving baby? What if he'd been adopted?! How would she like to see him fed then? I'm not a nasty person, I hate things like that. But how insensitive?!

Sadly I got in my car and cried and posted (dh didn't answer his phone).

horseylady Thu 13-Dec-12 17:36:28

Kyz to add, it's something that used to happen at every feed, but like his grunting, it's something he is slowly growing out of. Scary though to just suddenly start doing it!! Scared my mum when he did it to her. Last week he was choking and you could see the milk rising up his throat. Was horrid. But ok apparently!!

Vq - thanks!!

FatimaLovesBread Thu 13-Dec-12 17:38:14

Marking my place

ValiumQueen Thu 13-Dec-12 17:46:05

Remember, when a baby is born, a mummy is born too. We do not expect them to get things right first time. We learn together.

ChunkyTurkeywiththetrimmings Thu 13-Dec-12 17:46:36

There are always stupid people that make judgements without knowing the facts horsey. It's not helpful to anyone. Yes, breast is best & yes the HV/MW/medics have to promote bfing, esp as so few people actually try to do it but formula isn't poison. It's like bm is gold, formula isn't mercury, its more like silver. And who would turn down silver jewellery if offered??!!

Those people with sore bottoms - if it isn't piles, it might be an anal fissure. If you've had a bit of a hard poo, you can get a little tear, which hurts when you go & bleeds a little. A bit of sudocrem applied after using moist toilet tissue to clean the area should help...

Have had DS weighed again today. He's gained 310g since last Friday - 10.5ish oz. Have no idea how that's happened. I used to feed DD like mad, & she'd gain the usual/expected 5-6oz a wk. So strange how every baby is different, even how differently your own body behaves each time. I now have a 9lb 13oz hefferlump.grin

YellowWellies Thu 13-Dec-12 17:54:48

Chunky 10.5oz - your name seems apt is that what you've been feeding him? smile Well done!!!

glendathegoodwitch Thu 13-Dec-12 18:13:16

Awwww hugs horsey you are doing what is right for you and your baby x I can't stand my hv - she's about 22 and in 37, I've got 3 kids and work on a maternity ward so probably know more than she does, yet my friend who's a hv of similar age and kids - I ask advice from all the time, I think they should match the hv to the mum ie young hv with teenage mums etc...

Dottie loves sleeping on her front and during the day when I'm next to her she sleeps on her front in her travel cot.

Those having problems getting LO's to sleep in crib - have you tried swaddling?? I had Dottie sleeping on me for the 1st 10 days until someone suggest I try swaddling again (tried in hospital but she just yelled so thought she didn't like it) do I gave it a go and she settles sooo much better - it works better on babies who's startle reflex is quiet sensitive ie with noise or movement etc..

Am loving these quick feeds and have realised bf isn't painful or uncomfortable anymore!!!

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