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October babies. Don't get lost

(1000 Posts)
lisbethsopposite Sat 08-Dec-12 01:11:25

Come in come in.

Orenishii Sun 09-Dec-12 20:40:21

people who felt traumatised or bad about their births - are you feeling any better now?

Not, not really sad The tears have stopped but the disappointment still bites. People look at me like I am nuts when I say I am jealous of women who got to experience pushing their baby out but I spent nine months thinking about that moment and to not get it...hurts. I hypnobirthed for 12 hours through contractions that started at 2 mins apart, and only begged for an epidural when he turned back to back and I wasn't allowed in the pool because I'd been induced. But despite all that I still have a complete lack of confidence in myself for next time - I still didn't push him out. It ended in a spinal and forceps and I might have got him as far as the birth canal but it's not enough, not to me sad

So no, not really over it. It surprises me how much it hurts me. I was only thinking this evening I didn't get to hold him in all his just-born gooey loveliness and it made me so sad.

Twobuttonsaway Sun 09-Dec-12 20:53:03

yomping there is lots of good advice in here for you, I would just like to pass on a comment a midwife made to me, she said follow your instincts as from the first hour after birth, no-one else we know your baby better than you. Trust yourself, as others have said you are doing a great job and babies are hard work even without sleep

october while I wouldn't admit it on other threads for fear of bring lambasted by MNetters, we moved DS1 and DS2 out into the nursery at 7 weeks. They definitely sleep better and so do we. Moses basket is in cot bed to help familiarisation given he will soon grow out of the basket. It's also warmer and cosier than our bedroom which I think helps. Downside is I have to get out of bed to feed, but I find sitting feeding in a chair better on my back anyway.

All that said, suspect I am in the minority because of SIDS recommendations, but we are a non smoking home and he goes down on his back swaddled in cellular blankets to avoid over heating.

Hopefully no one will shout at me wink

Twobuttonsaway Sun 09-Dec-12 21:06:11

squid I think the second time birth is much less emotionally traumatic because you are an "intelligent client"! With DS1 I had no drugs 2 hours of pushing and still ended up with an emergency section. With DS2 was 10cm in 2 hrs and ready to push in car! My instincts made me insist on an epidural even though Midwife said on point, I was right placenta issues meant I would have had to have one anyway.

Ultimately, I think you gradually accept your experience. The most important thing is healthy baby!

Christmas despite us having brand new babe, my dad and his wife, and brother and wife and child have all invited themselves to us shock. At least they are not staying over! Can't turn them away as it will be first family Xmas since my mum passed away 13 years ago! Am sure it will be fun, but a bit of me wishes it was just the 4 of us. Hey ho .

OctoberOctober Sun 09-Dec-12 21:40:05

oreniishi had to google parkour, wow, looks pretty hardcore! I am also unimpressed with my post pregnancy body, saggy tummy particularly unappealing.

Orenishii Sun 09-Dec-12 21:57:15

I wouldn't have said I was any good - not exactly graceful, like - but I did it!

willowtreee Sun 09-Dec-12 23:17:40

yomping excellent advice there from squid i'm sure it's no coincidence that all your worries are all borne from wanting to be the best mum you can possibly be to Alice, surely thats the sign of an already fantastic mum. Sometimes you just need to take a step back to realise that, that's why this thread's such an amazing place to be, others can give you that objective view that's so hard to see when you are so emotionally inv

willowtreee Sun 09-Dec-12 23:19:02

Darned phone
Involved. Fwiw even though i don't post often i have learnt so much more from you guys than i ever have in a book

Cherrychopsticks Mon 10-Dec-12 01:02:36

Bella, that sounds like hard work but seems like you handled it really well. Did your DH let you know he wasn't going to be back? Either way, still not fair.
Oh, and don't get excited about my news- I don't really have any, just teasing. wink

Yomping, I wish I knew what to say to make you feel better. sad Others have said some really great things, especially that you're a team, not opponents. (*Squid*) and forget the rules/books . The couple of hours I spent, a few weeks ago, trying to follow the Baby Whisperer made me feel more inadequate than I ever have as a parent so far. confused
And , in my very inexperienced view, don't wake baby for interaction/playtime etc. - it'll end in tears. DS hates being wakened, and "activity" time only works when he's awake, calm, fed, in a good mood. so not very often
Hope all goes well at the docs, it's great that you're getting help.

Gotta go, our activity time is apparently over...hmm

Cherrychopsticks Mon 10-Dec-12 01:53:05

Arrgh! DS doing marathon feed, can't get off the sofa! I've not even had a shower yet, and there's tea stewing in the pot.

But I can't really complain because last night he did 2 stretches of about 3.5hrs sleep, with minimum settling in between!!! And I was in bed, asleep for most of it because DH did the evening duties and I forced myself into an early night (I'm usually a night owl). It's a miracle! I feel like a new woman. grin

It was about time really as I had a bit of a meltdown yesterday due to severe lack of sleep, no life, feeling like a crap mum and wife, loneliness etc etc.

I too actually nearly shed a envy tear over everyone's nights out Huffle. My main problem is I have no where really to go - 3 of my closest friends left Japan this year, a couple of other friends are always working (the Japanese way) and live miles away. Absolutely no mummy friends whatsoever. sad I was supposed to go to a foreign mothers group on Saturday but its really far away and starts at 10am so involves an early start. We had a very bad night the night before, so I just couldn't get up and out on time and had to give a miss. It's the second time that's happened. They only meet once a month. I might get there before he starts school!

Had a great time with my friends, was really nice to have someone to hold the bags some company when out and about. These are really close friends, known for years, lived together, maid of honour etc. so can relax and don't have to clean up or make polite conversation and stuff. We went out for several meals and DS was great, slept through all. I think it's made me all the more homesick though.

Then parents came, which was nice. Mum was less hard work than I expected (long story) and both helped out with baby and house work. Didn't get out as much with them as mum doesn't walk well.
Still, was very relieved when everyone left. Bit quiet and lonely now though. Can't win...

Ooh he's finally stopped feeding, off to grab a tea.

OctoberOctober Mon 10-Dec-12 03:21:40

cherry I hope you do make it to the group, it is really helpful meeting other people who are going through similar. My second time round NCT group have been bit rubbish at meeting up bit I always find it good when we do manage esp to hear how everyone is dealing with 2.

OctoberOctober Mon 10-Dec-12 03:24:05

bella well done getting through the party, I hope you gave dp what for about not letting you know he would miss the party.

Londonmrss Mon 10-Dec-12 05:57:01

I'm quite jealous of all your socialising. I don't know any new mums, not a single one in real life. I haven't managed to get out to any of those baby yoga type things yet as I wanted to feel like I knew a bit more what I was doing first. Plus none of my friends are doing this yet. I haven't had time to feel lonely but I suppose I should start making an effort after Xmas. just feels a bit like schedule is already full with looking after a baby.

hufflepuffle Mon 10-Dec-12 06:41:59

I too hav not had any interaction with other mums. I get quite teary when out as so often mums with prams come in twos..... I am rubbish at making friends and feel v intimidated by new social environments. Sure the bloody yoga class made me cry on first 2 weeks cos I thought no one liked me!! Blamed that on preg hormones......

Must must must make effort after Christmas. My yoga class has a baby massage one and there are def mother and toddler groups I should go to- feel ill at thought of those. Silly silly huffle. Should be glad to hav the opportunity.

Zara1984 Mon 10-Dec-12 06:59:12

Yes yes to not knowing many mum friends. Am really going to make the effort here in NZ (for temporary mum pals) and when I get back to Ireland. Lesson to all of us for the future - be extra inclusive and reach out when we see teary lonely new mums.

Ok so after colicky screamathon last night I have given Tom some Infacol before every feed. Violent burps and farts but they are over with faster.

No screaming tonight.... Got him down half an hour ago after bath-massage-quiet cuddles-bottle (and Twinkle Twinkle x infinity at drone pitch). Remembered what one of you ladies said about leaving the room before baby fell asleep and he seemed to settle better with me not there. Took about an hour in total from bath to me leaving the room.

Fingers, toes and fanny crossed he stays asleep!!! Have got the baby monitor stuck to my ear for every squeak and am trying to enjoy a glass of sparkling sav blanc (Kim Crawford, think you can buy in the UK, it's lovely!!)... Hopefully he carats asleep till his midnight-ish feed (ie 4 hours).

Bought some swaddling muslins as its hot here - 26 degrees in his bedroom!! Not sure what to do except put him in a vest only and light cotton blanket or muslin?!

DMIL's friend is coming over tomorrow with her toddler granddaughter to see Tom. Bracing myself for polite grimaces because she's told DMIL I'm "spoiling" babba with night feeds because he's not sleeping through the night yet. She let her twins cry it out at 10 DAYS OLD so she could get 8 hours sleep. She proudly said they gave up after 2 nights... shock Hard not to hoik my judgey pants.... She's quite stroppy so I know I'm in for a barrage of "advice".

hufflepuffle Mon 10-Dec-12 07:13:43

Good going on the sleeping Zara and try not to bite your tongue off tomorrow!!! Enjoy your lovely vino!! X

Thechick Mon 10-Dec-12 07:25:21

Thanks for all the welcomes, really appreciate it.

I'm sorry about not name checking, I will do better next time.

My LO has tummy time. I try and put him on his tummy a couple of times a day and he seems to like it. Some days he'll just lie there and stare other days he brings his legs up like he's trying to crawl. He can lift his head for a bit, but its mostly looking from one side to another. Not sure how normal this is. As he was 6 weeks early, he's kind of in the middle of his actual and adjusted age. I don't like the whole adjusted thing anyway, he was 9 weeks yesterday, 3 weeks adjusted.

Im very jealous of you guys getting long stretches of sleep. Every night I hope this will be the night he sleeps longer than one or two hours, and i cant sleep during the day. I know it will happen one day, hopefully.

I felt very traumatised just after the birth, he was 6 weeks early and 36 hours before he was born I was told my cervix was shut and I was definitely not having a baby (but they did give me steroid injections 'just in case'). I was in denial until I was in established labour. I hadn't finished my handover at work. Had hardly bought anything, hadn't even packed a hospital bag. I got to 9 cm without any pain relief (not intentionally) and then had gas and air. He was with us for the first day but then was in the Scbu for 16 days. I think writing it down helped. But I'm fine with it all now. The birth itself I look at positively. I had my vbac and I don't remember the pain at all. This is my second child, ds1 is 13. I think I had more realistic expectations this time about the unpredictability of childbirth and I really do think I would have been fine with an emcs too.

Christmas, I'm not sure what we are doing. My dsis works in a bar and she's working there Christmas day and they do food so might go there. My parents live not too far but I would rather have it at my house but I don't want to cook or do the clearing up after.

We haven't really done the mother and baby groups. I was waiting for his jabs, which happened last week. Will find some after Christmas. I have my name down for an nct tea group but that's starting in the new year.

I made a pear crumble yesterday. Is it wrong to have for breakfast?

Sorry about the epic post, they all won't be like this, off to iron ds1's school shirts. Fun fun fun.

Cherrychopsticks Mon 10-Dec-12 08:13:17

grin @ "fanny crossed" Zara, good luck! And that woman sounds awful, hope you've practiced your nod-and-smile.

Sounds like we're a right bunch of billy-no-mummy-mates! It'd be great if we could meet in real life. Wish I could go to baby yoga or massage Huffle, I can't find anything like that here.

Anyway, i started expressing this week and its going well so far (thanks to some great advice from Huffle grin). So I'm well and truly prepared for when my social life takes off hmm
I seem to be getting about 100ml from one side in 10 mins every morning, is this ok? I'm only doing it so DH can give the odd bottle, or I can go out for a few hours. DS has taken 2 bottles fine so far. I'm hoping next weekend DH and I can go to the cinema and maybe for dinner with MIL babysitting.

We've noticed loads of development in DS in the past couple of weeks. He just seems much more aware, interested, stronger, awake more, more coordinated etc. We've had smiles for a couple of weeks (genius child wink) but they're much easier to get now. It all seems to have happened really quickly. The downside is he gets overtired really easily because cant switch off, and often fights his sleep. He's also found his voice and will often go from sleeping to fever pitch in seconds. He sounds like I'm killing him, when actually there's nothing wrong. He can't keep it up for long though, so we're lucky really.

Squid, I'm one of the lucky ones who wasn't traumatized by the birth, but I'm definitely looking back with rose tinted glasses now - actually quite looking forward to doing it again shock

I'm staying in Japan for Christmas, for the 1st time in 6 years sad. I usually go home for 3 weeks and spend Xmas with family and New Year with the same group of great friends. I'm really going to miss it this year. Christmas Day isn't even a holiday here.
But Xmas eve is a hol (emperor's bday?) so I've ordered a turkey and the trimmings from import meat place AND am splashing out to have someone else cook it, so I don't have to do anything except pick it up. MIL and aunt coming over. Hope to eat, drink mulled wine, play cards, watch a movie and go for a walk. It won't be same but still looking forward to it smile

I'm going Christmas shopping with MIL tomorrow, have to get EVERYTHING and wrap and send it ASAP, otherwise it'll never get there in time. Has anyone else just not really thought about Christmas til now?! I forget, who were the organized ones who sorted everything pre-baby? I envy you.

Sorry for the waffle - another feedathon. I think he's catching up after sleeping so long I'm easily pleased last night.

Cherrychopsticks Mon 10-Dec-12 08:17:26

Pear crumble for breakfast sounds ideal, Thechick, at least it's got fruit in it!

Zara1984 Mon 10-Dec-12 08:45:46

thechick there ain't nothing wrong with dessert in the morning! Breakfast of champions I say! Before pregnancy and when I was fit I occasionally had banoffee pie before my morning run grin the sugar made me run faster!!

cherry do we have the same child?! Eager to see the world, but gets overtired and fights sleep...! Arrrgh.

Ok so DS woke up an hour after going down but it's because he was hot. Took him out of cellular blanket and swaddled him in muslin instead, plus gave him a few sips of cold formula out the fridge (had no cool boiled water prepared). Back to sleep almost immediately and still asleep now!!

Have been meaning to say, I found great black and white stimulation videos for babies on YouTube, search for "newborn visual stimulation". Best played on a phone held exhaustedly over baby's head at 6am.... grin

hufflepuffle Mon 10-Dec-12 11:18:43

Small steps ladies, small steps. Yesterday was first day in shower where did not hurt to wash my nipples!! Well, the good one anyhow.

Nor did it hurt to put dressing gown on!!

And I hav just finished a cup of warm coffee whilst DS playing on floor!

Onwards and upwards!!

Will read and post later.......... X

WantAnOrange Mon 10-Dec-12 11:42:46

TheChick Hello! DD is 9 weeks as well and does the same when lying on her tummy, so for his adjusted age that's really good!

Can't resist poting this link Saw it and thought of Squid.

DD is having a nap shock. An actual nap in her moses basket!!!!!

Cherry I'm 'doing' christmas this at home for the first time, having PILs over for lunch. We usually go to other people but I dont fancy it with Arty being so little and it will be nice for DS to get to actually play with his new toys.

crazypaving Mon 10-Dec-12 12:17:36

Orange DS is also having a nap! But in his carseat blush at least it's not still in the car, I get points for that, right?!

We seem to be in the middle of a 9-week growth spurt. Apparently DS2 is on his own "special" timetable. Grumble grumble. And DS1 is full of snot and coughing like a chainsmoker all over the baby, gah. Means I'm up and down in the night like a yoyo to both of them. I am fucking knackered. And I'm starting to find it difficult to sleep when I have the opportunity, which was a big component of my PND last time, so I'm trying not to panic.

Beccus concentrate? Eh? What were you saying?

Yomping you write so eloquently so many things I felt with DS1. And look, I've got DS2! I echo what someone else said about the fact you worry makes you a good mother, but seriously, what squid said x100. You're on the same team, and what's good for you is also good for her.

Bella I would've actually done physical harm to my DH if he'd done that to me angry Hope he had a bloody good excuse! And well done you for surviving it all, sounds a bit traumatic sad Big glass of wine for you I think!

Zara that woman sounds unbelievable shock Good luck with that one... I think I'd actually have to stitch my trap shut in preparation.

chick mmmm crumble. Healthy breakfast.

I am now officially trying to lose weight, having actually GAINED weight since giving birth sad sad sad I sense this plan may be doomed to fail though, with Christmas so close on the horizon and mince pies sitting in the cupboard calling my name grin

Our Christmas tree is up and DS1 keeps pulling all the baubles off it angry and then fetching me to show me, saying with a terribly sad face "broken!" Grrrrr

WantAnOrange Mon 10-Dec-12 12:24:03

Crazy I have gained so much weight since giving birth that I now cannot do up my coat blush. BF makes me hungry all the time! How are we supposed to find time to excercise? And I have zero will power wrt food. And it's christmas!

Can't help but smile at your DS though. Sorry but it's cute!

crazypaving Mon 10-Dec-12 12:26:48

orange I also have no willpower. Chocolate is no longer a treat, it's a necessity. Need to get out of that headspace! And yes, starving all the time...

I'll send DS round to yours after Christmas to strip your tree for you grin

Elpis Mon 10-Dec-12 13:49:15

Everyone's given yomping so much good advice that I can't think of anything to add - except that it REALLY helps to get out each day, especially in nature or to see other mums. londonmrss - I didn't do NCT so was also short of opportunities. But if you're in London there are generally a lot of drop-in groups for babies. They're cheaper and more informal than baby yoga and often based near baby weigh-in clinics. Did your HV give you a list, or can you find out online? Sorry if this is bleeding obvious, but it wasn't to me first time round.

Had DS' follow-up appointment at the hospital today. It was on the children's ward. Fortunately DD didn't ask what was wrong with the children there sad because in many cases it was all too terribly obvious. Happily, DS' abscess is healing, though it occasionally disgorges pus. Off for the second of his three daily baths. He quite enjoys the perineal massage and has to get naked more often to help it dry out. Hmm. That will be messy.

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