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December 2011 - they'll soon be one, put away the <haddocks> and bring out the bunting!(997 Posts)
I loved kate's thread name but thought we needed a birthday theme for this one. We'll soon have 6 weeks of birthdays to celebrate!
Anyone who's gone back to work - how long does it take to become less horrendous? On day 3 so far and hating it with a passion...
((seven)) and all of you battling the whys. Someone once told me that when a kid asks why, they don't want to know reason they want to know purpose - so when they ask "why does the sun shine" if they hear "well the sun is a ball of incandescent gas that converts hydrogen into helium which is very hot and shines through space" that just prompts more whys. But if you say "to make the grass and other plants grow and keep us warm" that is more satisfying and reduces further "whys". That sounds suspiciously glib to me and I can't imagine it could possibly work with a real kid in the real world!!!
hawthers it took three months, which was the length of time it took me to convince them to let me go down to 3 days a week. After a couple of weeks full time I just sort of went blank and plodding which was I think some sort of coping mechanism and poured all my energy into reading the internal policies, drafting my business case application and hounding HR until they made a decision on flexible working. I'm really sorry you're hating it, I remember not exactly sobbing in the toilets but this heavy sort of dragging blank feeling on a thursday going into work and thinking...two more whole days until the weekend and then...repeat...
DS has so far got this wooden cart and play blocks for his birthday. And that's it Nothing for Christmas yet but I'm sure I'll see something I love for him between now and then. I figure he'll get some stuff from friends and family but I'm going to put the money towards planning a play room for the new house so that will have to be a belated Christmas present for him. I'm getting lots of inspiration from pinterest (disaster envy site) and apartment therapy playroom ideas and playfullearning.net - perhaps too much inspiration, I'm a bit overwhelmed at the moment but will start with shelves/cubbies from Ikea and build up from there.
Sorry posted too soon hawthers - just to say keep posting here for support, I remember how that transition back to work really was crap so keep reaching out, we'll be here. Hugs to you and hope it gets better and/or you can work out a compromise (would you ever consider proposing compressed hours? flexible working? WFH where possible?)
Unhelpfully, it depends hawthers, and depends on not just the job, but you, where you're at, the kids, their needs, your DH, etc.
It may be that you just need to give it a few weeks until - my most used phrase- it becomes the 'new normal'. It may be as Xiao says you need to look at flexible working. However, it may be that you now feel you want to completely change or give up work, but don't know if that's an option for you?
I was fine with it straight away when DS was 4.5 months, but it's such an individual thing.
DS has one big toy from us for his birthday; the others from friends and family he'll probably get as extra Xmas presents this year. As family are so far away, but we're visiting them all for Xmas, we'll just tag it on. We're asking for his birthday cards to be sent here though!
And yay for Freya and her poking tongue MissRee! I find it brilliant when DS pokes his out, which is crap of me, but I do encourage it back
So sorry to hear about the woman at your class seven, how sad. Was it her first?
How's DS today BJR? Have ((hug)), you and DS really seem to have been through the wars recently.
And good luck mopsy. I hated, hated, HATED, at the end of an essay, doing all the bloody pagination, references, making sure the references were in the correct format, etc, etc. Takes for bloody ever and is sooooooooooooo boring. Do you think you'll be done by Xmas?
Success here, by total chance, on the outfit front. Went to our local Mothercare, and they only had the elf and Father Xmas costumes. Grumbled, but on my way out I noticed something, grabbed, and there it was! One Xmas pudding outfit, and in DS's size . The staff told me that they'd never stocked that line, but that a random person had returned that one outfit to their store a week ago for a refund, and they'd just put it out.
My little pudding was meant to be!
I think mostly its the team I've come back to, in my job everything changes yearly and its very brain draining and I've lost my confidence.
Testing the christmas name change must confess it is the same as last years - lack of imagination on display there!!
Hawthers definitely give it some time as said up thread it will become the new norm, i went back to work when ds was 6 months i had been off 7 i was ready to go back, he adapted to childcare really well and within a couple of weeks it was like i had never been away. I guess the question will be whether you want it to become the new norm did you go back FT or PT?
I am not buying DS anything more than i listed last night his bday is 22nd and he is getting everything that day from us, PIL, friends here as on the 23rd we fly to scotland and not dragging pressies up with us to then take back down so he can have pressies from my parents and DB and my friends on xmas day. I am sure i will be more generous in future years
Octoboy is getting a spinning top, some more stacking cups (he's addicted), a toy fisher price phone thing and some odds and sods. He's far more interested in cups and cardboard boxes so it's not worth spending too much this year. The minions are going to help me choose his birthday present when the sales start, bonus of a January baby!
Hope everyone is having good day. I went to collect my eBay bargain earlier, the playmobil pyramid, complete and boxed, for £10! I'm going to have a happy Boo on Christmas Day
It takes a while to get used to the juggle hawthers, as northern said every job is different. This was my third time back into a stable job, so I had things pretty sorted in terms of routine. But I remember when going back after DD1 I felt perpetually stressed for the first month or so, as I felt I couldnt stay at work til the job was done the way I used to (8-8 is no hassle when you have no sprogs and a hubby whose commite gets him home at 8). And similarly when I did work I felt guilty aboit leaving DD for a ten hour day (which I used to do twice a week). It's swings and roundabouts. After that first month back things got a lot easier, I'd found ways to manage my time to avoid late finishes, had a policy of prioritising so same-day stuff was always done but some things could safely be picked up next shift, and tweaked my dropoffs a little to miss school run traffic... It will get better as you adjust, I hope.
It's colllld and the day got sucked by work. Evening of tidying/housework awaits and I really must retax the car and sort out some paperwork/filing (ooh the excitement chez Aethel..)
It's my second time going back so I thought it wouldn't be as bad but last time I hoped I'd be pg again pretty quickly. This time that is not the plan so I think it feels worse. Plus I just had a major wobble yesterday. All looks clearer today and feel better about it all.
It gets easier with time, I think it took 6 months to he totally on top if it last time. I just had a confidence hit with some worky stuff which I couldn't get perspective on. But today much easier to let it go.
hawthers glad to hear today was better.
Today I froze my arse off waiting 90 mins for a train which was delayed indefinitely because of "adverse weather conditions" (read: 2 snowflakes) and finally gave up and came home again to "work from home" which basically meant waiting for emails which never came and trying hard not to get in the way of DS and his nanny
while MNing. I'm actually glad I didn't go in as I see from the train website the journey home would have been just as bad. I need to come up with something to put on my timesheets tomorrow...a lot of non-billable "legal development" probably, aka. reading blogs and articles.
I need advice on my crap narcissist FIL situation but may post over in Relationships as I have bored you all about this so many times. But in a nutshell DH wants me to let bygones be bygones and let sleeping dogs lie etc, and be there when his dad comes round next Fri to see DS on his first birthday. I see no reason why this man should get to come and play happy families having a nice morning with us after all the shitty things he said and did without apologising or making any acknowledgement of what happened. And even if DH is ok with that - and even if I don't make any objection to him seeing DS - I don't see any reason why I should have to sit there pretending and possibly making things worse as I will almost certainly sit there in total, stony silence giving him evils and/or ostentatiously refusing to talk about anything other than the weather. Buuuut...DH is begging me to be there with him and I am really torn.
Ok I am going to post on Relationships now as I actually have no idea what to do. Arrgh!!
Boy, boy for sale, going cheap .... very cute, walks well, points and says no. Seems to have superhuman powers meaning he does not require sleep. Any takers??
DS seems to be doing a bit better now but is still very unsettled, hopefully once he finishes this next batch of antibiotics he will be ok for a bit!
Glad work was a bit better hawthers, i'm sure it will get easier over time once you've got used to things again.
With the growing out of intolerances Seven they said its very rare to see a child still have the same problems at 4 but obviously can't guarentee it. They have said to try reintroducing every 2 to 3 months. How has Eva been this last couple of days following your trial?
Difficult situation Xiao like you I think I would find it hard to play happy familys especially if FIL hadn't even bothered to acknowledge of what he'd done. In the past DP has tried to go down the happy family route after PIL have done shitty things, but its not really worked out too well. Sorry I know thats not very useful, hope you get some good advice from the relationship board.
Did have more things to post but have forgotten. I blame sleep deprivation. Plan for day, pack car, drive to parents, hand over baby and then sleep. DS is having his first weekend away and will be staying with Nanny and Grandad for 2 nights while I go to a wedding. DP will be at home with DSS. So I am mostly looking forward to having 2 nights to sleep in a hotel room with no one to disturb me, (although i'm sure wedding etc will be great too).
xiao its very difficult particularly when you are trying to protect the two most important people in your life from something like that. But if your DH wants to try to have a relationship with his f I guess you have to support him until he is ready to let that relationship go. Way easier said than done as we basically don't have any contact with fil and our lives are immeasurablly enriched by that! He sounds strikingly similar to your fil (are we related?) Has met DS1 once and never even suggested meeting DS2
but I'm sure he's been bleetimg to his many lady friends that hr is not allowed to see his gss and I'm sure if they were girls he would have bothered even less. Nice.
So in summary I don't know what you should do! Sorry. What has helped my DH is being a father himself and this has crystallised (sp?) his opinion on his fathers actions in the past.
Thanks for your advice. The advice on the Relationships thread was pretty much split down the middle!! Anyway I've posted the draft of an email I will send to DH to see what they say.
BJR I'm sure his superhuman powers of no sleep are hiding his true superpower - perhaps invisibility or ability to fly? He can conquer the world
hawthers I want to get where you are - no contact at all. Would DH could come round to that way of thinking again...
I hve zero contact with one of the kids' grandmothers. She is a nasty narcissistic woman who is an expert emotional manipulator. She has managed to squirm her way back ino the lives of the other four grandchildren, but is too wary of me to try it on with my three.
I have no advice, but I can say that my three aren't suffering for the lack of a grandmother, their other one more than makes up for it
Oops I've just bought more bday presents including a tummy time pop up nursery/school house...... Must back away from Internet shopping. Dh is suffering thru yet another Xmas tunes countdown bless him!!
<puts the kettle on>
evening. If anyone sees my motivation please pass it back. Thanks!
<makes large mugs of builders' tea>
BJR Two whole nights of undisturbed sleep? Sounds fantastic! Have a great time.
The DC's only just got rid of colds and now have shiny new ones . DD is coping fine with hers, but DS is really suffering and is off his food again poor thing. That's not going to help with the weight gain at all!
With it being birthday time of year, I was thinking it would be nice to dig through and find the threads from a year ago when we were all going into labour and posting birth stories. Who was it that ended up with an unexpected home birth because it all happened so quickly? Was that you jiggle or someone else? plu maybe? And who can forget the absolutely lovely message posted by xiao's DH, which brought a tear to my (admittedly hormonal) eye?
Oooh, yes, that would be lovely Kate! I do believe MissRee is the queen when it comes to that sort of thing... Hope the DCs get better with the colds, it's bloody relentless isn't it?
Sorry you're in such a crappy situation Xiao; your FiL's behaviour has been ridiculous, and my heart bleeds a bit
am soppy for your DH wanting to maintain a relationship with someone who'd behaved so badly, iyswim- he obviously loves his father and wants him to be a father, despite the evidence...
Glad it's a bit better at work hawthers; I've had a few days like that recently, as with the massive re-organisation I'm essentially doing a new job, and there have been some truly shitty moments (hence a couple of weeks ago's angry job search). I think in a way the litmus test is that if you do feel better the next day or two, you can tell it was just that day; if you were still feeling unhappy some days later, then it may well be time for a job/work-life re-think.
How wonderful you'll be getting two nights off BJR, and if you want to sell him briefly we're only up the road ! Yesterday DS only had one 30 minute sleep all day, but he is currently sleeping longer at night... is your DS waking hideously early or not napping?
I am currently counting out the 1, 2 and 5ps that I have collected over the year to cash in for my long weekend break...it's part of the tradition. Just got the ones to go and have really smelly hands now!
kate yes! I forgot about DH's posting on that thread! I will dig it out and link it here (and have a bit of a happy weep about how great he was and is still, even if his father is a bastard).
Aww aethel how'd you know mine was milk no sugar. Motivation to do what? I'm sure we can give you a good kick up the bum Thanks for your advice on my other thread, I made the changes you suggested and sent it and when I got home DH was very happy to see me and said he wasn't upset and doesn't mind if I'm not there when FIL comes round. I think your suggested removal of my cassandra-like doom-ridden predictions was key. He doesn't think he needs any more counselling though <sigh> So I guess this is how it will be for the foreseeable future.
I ordered a Christmas tree yesterday for delivery today and it didn't turn up. My ONLY piece of Christmas planning so far and it has already gone wrong!
Also maybe TMI but given that I have been converted by Mumsnet to the joys of a slow cooker I am trying another MN staple - a mooncup. If it works I will be truly pleased as I hate hate hate both tampons and pads.
I read through all the birth threads a week or two back, I was doing a lot of nightshifting!
Scratching, squeezing, hatching and latching and the one before that have all the births I think. Although seven you were about 5 threads earlier than that
Lovely to read most of the posts and my wonderful DH's message when I had DS, but my post about FIL's initial poisonous email has really struck me. I am still angry but to read my posts as it happened a year ago - just awful to relive it.
Gosh, loads of births on the first page already! Makes me want to be pregnant again.... Thanks Xiao.
Well, I should be at work but DS woke me at 3.30am, and given the fact that he wouldn't settle I knew it had to be another ear infection. Checked this morning and I was right, so am now waiting to take him to the Doctor's.
It's sooooooooo frustrating- he clears up, and then a few days later gets very minor snot-sniffles, and it just sets it off again. I don't know whether the anti-bs actually do anything, or if it just clears up of its own accord within 7 days, and the anti-bs are just being given as a precaution.
But am shattered, and getting on with the household jobs I would have been doing on Saturday, seeing as I'll have to work from home then . Was hoping to enjoy a Saturday trip out to our historic high street with the boys, but nope, will be stuck in front of a bloody computer.
northern hope DS finally kicks the ear infections soon.
xiao lovely to see that thread again, though yes DD was quite a bit earlier. I think airs Hope might have been on the same thread though as she was only a few days later. I don't know why but the thought of mooncups grosses me out.
Both DCs have bad colds, I was looking forward to seeing the village lights switched on but don't think we'll be going now. DD had her next jabs (including MMR) this morning, I feel really mean when she's poorly already. They were happy to do them but said they'd understand if we wanted to postpone them, if she got something like measles though and I'd postponed I'd never forgive myself.
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