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The 30-something mummas have stopped drinking & smoking even more foul mouthed graduation!

(21 Posts)
openerofjars Sun 24-Feb-13 21:21:42


Made you jump...

How are you all doing? I am back at work fuck me that went fast and all is chaos here as usual.

Love to all and babies, including mini-Jewels. Hope all is okay and you are getting some sleep. DD is an awesome sleeper for now but her big brother still isn't, so I'm reclaiming a karmic debt, I think.

I may have IBS, rather than the gynae ishoos that I was told I have, so am trying to follow it up at the moment. I fear I am a tossed to live with due to the pain, and DH is sadly very neglected.

Fish, I hope your DD is okay: I know a little lad who had scald burns on his hand when he was a baby and you can't tell now, at all. I know what you mean by guilt, though: I dropped DS on his head when he was just 1yo and I still remember it like it happened yesterday, but happily he doesn't.

Anyway, will drop by again soon, but in the meantime here is a cache of chocolate and booze, in case anyone wanders past and gets thirsty...

Fishandjam Wed 16-Jan-13 15:03:00

<dodges tumbleweed>


Fishandjam Thu 03-Jan-13 21:38:54

Hi wino!

Ohhhh man, I feel your pain on sleep. DD never recovered from the 4 month regression. Still wakes 11pm, 2am, 5am. If she doesn't wake at 5 it's because she's remained awake since 2. I've tried pointing out that she's almost 7 months and really does not need the tit at night, but she just tells me to get tae fuck.

Though I'm cutting her some slack at present; a week ago she got badly scalded by a spilled mug of tea. Luckily "only" 1st degree burns to neck and shoulder. Healing really well and shouldn't scar. But the guilt is horrendous...

Great news re jewels. Can you persuade her on here for an update?

Impatientwino Fri 14-Dec-12 02:10:56

Hi de hi campers

In the middle of 4 month sleep regression and its fecking horrendous!! Hourly wakings are absolutely killing me sad I've not had more than 2.5 solid hours kip since 13 nov <sobs>

He's 5 months next week so hoping it improves soon

Here's some good news though - jewels had a baby girl a couple of weeks ago and all going well smile

Hope you are all asleep

Fishandjam Mon 10-Dec-12 12:31:48

Yo muthas. Just a quickie (huh, I should coco) to say hello. In middle of sleep training DD as I was close to breaking point with her not sleeping properly. It's going OK but I'm foggy with knackeredness. Chocolate is even more of a friend to me than usual.

openerofjars Thu 29-Nov-12 17:47:50

Hello my lovelies.

This is likely to be a v quick one, because I am trying to stop DS eating a lolly stick while supervising DD who is sitting on the floor and playing with toys in an adorably neglected fashion. We are also listening to Christmas tunes and being a bit lazy.

Sorry for the long time no see: the dust is just settling after moving house etc and we have now been in for two months. DD is now 6 months and has had her first solid food. I had mostly forgotten how gross weaning is but it's all coming back <onto a bib>. Groo.

That sounds really scary, Wino, and I'm glad you got it sorted. Funnily enough, the same thing happened to DH when he was a baby but the doc wouldn't believe his parents because they would take him to the surgery and nothing would be the matter: it only happened when he cried. So the rents basically had to take poor baby DH to the doc and deprive him of his favourite teddy to get him to herniate. But then that was the 70s.

Hi fish and ta for your message! Hope all is well with you: I'm on the iPad app and my short term memory is screwed for some reason <glares at children> so I can't remember what you are up to even though I read your post five minutes ago. But I am sending you warm and friendly Christmas mulled wine vibes.

I have just had to beg a nurse to give me antibiotics for mastitis for 7 days only as I have my first night out in about two bloody years planned for next Friday. Timing, eh? Mastitis, I ask you. As if my tits didn't look bad enough these days. angry

Anyway, the children are being respectively annoying (DS, Whois bored ) and loud (DD has rolled onto her tummy and is regretting it) so I must fly.

Shove the prosecco on ice for me x

Impatientwino Sun 25-Nov-12 02:04:07


So nice to hear from you! Can't believe where the time is going!

Great to hear about pip, aside from the sleeping [sympathetic emoticon) she sounds very cute! It must be soo hard having two!! I salute you I really do!!

Well in my camp Seb was 4 months old yesterday!

Well, my last post about Seb having colic was completely wrong, shortly after we ended up in a & e with a strangulated hernia sad changing his nappy during his usual meltdown and found a huge lump in his scrotum local hosp can't operate on such young baby (8 weeks) so we got taken in ambulance to royal London where they operated - the hernia was a mobile one and they said his intestine was very swollen and had been travelling in and out if his scrotum probably since birth - just took us 8 weeks to happen to have his nappy off when it was stuck there - poor thing must have been in agony! was not the best launch into to parenthood - scared the living shit out of us!

After that all been quite usual I think! Happy smiley boy who lights up my life! He is amazing!

Still feeds ever two hours the sod so I seem to permanently be feeding or about to or just have! Finding it very draining now particularly as we are in the middle of 4 month sleep regression!

Urgh it's awful! Wakes every hour or so for a feed or with bad wind! He's had the vomiting bug and a cold so sleep is a very precious commodity in this house!!

I really hope it ends soon as I'm like a zombie at the moment!!!! Oh yeah and my bloody hair has started to fall out!!! With the amount of feeding I've been doing I thought that might be a bit longer down the line!

I hope you are all well my dears!

<chinks glass>


Fishandjam Thu 22-Nov-12 21:59:22

HI everyone!

O. M. G. DD turned 5 months last Monday. I seriously cannot believe where the time has gone. I seem to get nothing done other than a few loads of washing and trying to resist selling DS to white slavers when he's being a tantrummy twitbag but the weeks are flying by.

DD - Katherine, or "Pip" to her mates - is proper cute. Still has bawling and squawking as her specialist subject, and is the world's worst sleeper; can't get her into a routine no matter how hard we try, and she's still waking at least once a night (more usually twice) for grub. But if I'm getting a bit narky with her, all she has to do is put on the wide-open-eye and cocked head smile, and I turn to marshmallow. I can even forgive the fact that my madly-lactating boobs now look like spaniel's ears.

DS, bless him, is pretty good on the whole, just a "normal" toddler (i.e. miniature sociopath with the personal hygiene and table manners of a drunken ferret). He's veyr good with DD, just v demanding otherwise. To be expected.

Any of you other mo's still out there and surfing?

Impatientwino Sun 16-Sep-12 06:33:07

Hello hello!

Oh my god! Can't believe where time has gone! Haven't posted since just after Seb was born! Been surfing the bf pages and reading the classics to amuse myself during night feeds but sentence construction has failed me for a while!

Seb is 8 weeks tomorrow and is just lovely! He's a proper little piglet - gaining weight like mad! He was 9.8 born and was 13.6 on Tuesday 11th!

He is still feeding every 2 hours in the day and every 3 hours at night and refuses to go to bed until at least 9/10pm but once we get him down he stays down aside from getting up for feeds until about 7/8am so he knows it's nighttime which I guess is good.

He has bad colic and is on colief so am expressing then giving him it in a little milk in s bottle before each feed which is a bit of a faff but really helping him.

He is a happy contented baby and he's really alert which is lovely but the little sod refuses to sleep in the day unless on me so I need to commence battle with getting him to nap in his crib but I keep waiting for a day when I'm not too tired so it could be a while grin

Am loving motherhood, hardest thing I've ever done but loving it.

jars so nice to 'see' you! <MASSIVE bearhug>

I salute you for having two children alone and then uni and a house on top? <shudders> amazing!

Really nice to hear everything is going well with dd grin She sounds just gawjus!!

Right, seb finished feeding so must wind him - isn't that the dullest thing in the world - sooo boring!

Ah, cheered me right up seeing that you've posted smile

Mwah x

openerofjars Fri 14-Sep-12 22:20:08

Hello my darlings, if any of you are still watching this thread!

DD is now 15 weeks tomorrow and is going blonde so has funny two-toned hair, half the dark hair she was born with and half white-blonde roots (mine are the other way round). She is amazing and wonderful and can do all sorts of fab things, such as standing on my knees while being suported under her armpits. My jeans are covered in pudding because i was eating dinner with her on my knee and she tried to jump into my icecream. It's been a wee bit mad here as we are moving out of this house on Monday, then into the new house on the 1st October (don't ask) and I also got my OU assignment in three days early in the end. Phew. After we've moved I will do absolutely fuck all for a month.

I hope you and your lovely babies are all okay: if I don't hear back for a while I will do some PMs to say hi.

friedfrog Tue 21-Aug-12 23:20:13

Hey....can't stop , how's everyone doing?


openerofjars Mon 06-Aug-12 13:29:31

Ey up dudes, how are you and your lovely babies doing?

Congrats, wino, you star! See, it was so totally worth it! Fab news about your c-section experience and your DH sounds like he is doing all the right things (although I would be expecting chocolate icecream as well, if I'm totally honest). Don't you just feel like Superwoman now? Look, you made a whole real person in your abdomen!

Okay, so my dramatic life continues: my car died, just after passing its MOT. The engine boiled over (or something) and now it is dead. So, in the space of three months I am going to have:

had a new baby
got a new car
finished my OU course,

and if it goes through, which it should,

moved house.

I'm not really trying, am I? I should be getting divorced and starting up a business as well.

Right, off to write some more OU essay while DD sleeps.

friedfrog Thu 02-Aug-12 14:39:36

Hi lovelies (brings in amazing pulled pork flat breads and a cold Corona)

Wino congrats hun, it sounds like you have had a positive experience. am so glad it worked out for you smile Izzy was the same with the night time Moses basket! Swaddling is the only thing that works for her.

Jars I have got rid of all the books, fuck em! They made me feel like a failure...we are doing our own thing and all much happier....and shhhhh i let her sleep on her tummy during the day which seems to help her wind situation!

Fish I am so gonna try the hot water bottle thing I think at the moment we swaddle her which she is not a massive fan of but works, she soon wriggles out of it though!

This sounds awful but I am relieved to hear you both say you cry not that I wish you to be feeling like shit but I have days where I cry over anything and cant wait for OH to get home so I can be by myself for a while. Some days I really resent OH going to work and still having some of his old life. I didn't think I would feel like that. But then she does some thing and i could burst with love and pride......crazy

I cant believe she is 6 weeks already and smiling.....I will post a pic when I can capture it.

Love to you all.........


Impatientwino Tue 31-Jul-12 15:36:24


Sorry for long delay, I've been a bit erm occupied!!! Our gorgeous boy Sebastian was born on 23rd at 11.34am and I can't believe he is over a week old already! Motherhood is amazing, breastfeeding is going really well so far and I'm enjoying just being at home with him and DH, just feeding Seb and trying to sleep when he does. It's like one incredible groundhog day but one I could very happily be stuck in forever. I can't describe how I feel at the moment. It's all going so fast though, he's so little but growing and changing every day. Trying to cherish every second with him.

C section was honestly fine - it was a bit strange and and there were a lot of people in the theatre milling around doing things to me which is a bit unnerving at first but within 7 minutes of them starting the op Seb was out and with DH and the midwife - they then spent 40 mins or so stitching me back together while DH had cuddles and I had face to face contact with Seb. His little eyes were poking out of the towel just staring really wide eyed.

Because the spinal removes the sensation of pain but leaves you with your sense of touch I actually felt them lift him out of me which was incredible. I can't describe the moment I saw my son, the sense of relief and love that came washing over me was amazing.

As soon as we were in recovery I had proper skin to skin and then breastfed him. The first feed was pretty immediate so was fine but by the time it came for a second feed I was feeling really weird/sick/dopey and he was very sleepy so my amazing midwife spent about half an hour hand expressing colostrum into a syringe from my boob and gave it to Seb which tided him over until we were on the ward and I felt more with it.

A week in I feel pretty good, still on pain relief but able to care for my son and do a few little jobs around the house - DH is amazing, he is really looking after both of us.

Sorry you are all having a bit of a time of it, theses babies are such trouble makers. Seb seems to hates his mose basket with a passion too - but only at night? No idea but not going to stress, it's early days so hopefully he will change his mind, thanks for water bottle tip will try that!

please can I be excused, I need to wee and have a wash and find my pain pills before Seb wakes for another cluster feed! Sent DH to bed for a well earned nap and now missing my man servant to peel my grapes etc!

Catch up soon ladies



openerofjars Thu 26-Jul-12 13:48:53

wino, hope you and baby are okay, come and join us when you're ready.

frog, fuck Gina. Fuck her right in the ear. And the bloody baby whisperer. They don't have your baby. Only you have your baby and if routines aren't working for you and her, ditch the books (or well meaning relatives or whatever).

Cuddle your baby and let her boss you around. Feed her to sleep if you want to. You cannot, cannot spoil a 4 week old baby. Get in the bed with her and chill out. Eat chocolate a lot. Don't let some bloody book tell you what to do. And she will sleep in her basket but it doesn't matter if she goes to sleep in your arms or in the basket. She's only just got used to being outside your body, after all, and she can't read parenting books yet, so she doesn't know what she's supposed to do.

The most down I ever felt when DS was tiny was after reading the how to books. I felt like I was failing as a mother, until some lovely person in real life basically gave me permission to mentally tell the experts to go fuck themselves.

Fish, I don't have a baby yelling but I am yelling a lot and have bouts of depression hitting me on occasion. Colic is shite, DS had it and we basically infacolled the hell out of him and spent every evening walking up and down, singing to him. It was fucking hard work and when he got to about 10 weeks and turned into a much easier baby it was like fog lifting.

On the bright side, it's nice and sunny here now! I swear my low mood is partly due to the weather, as well as baby blues and -dude-my-thighs-are-massive-and-I-look-like-a-dugong-itis. Also, could be a side-effect of the mini-pill and nothing to do with the amount of crap I have been eating, oh no.

DD is fabulous and massive. She is a gorgeous little thing and has now started doing these amazing smiles: I will stick one on my profile if I can.

Got to go, she is waking up and I have spent her nap time Mumsnetting rather thatn doing my MA. Again.

Fishandjam Thu 26-Jul-12 10:08:55

fried, step away from Gina Ford. IMO Izzy's too little for a routine just yet! But here's a top tip - put a hot water bottle in her cot/Moses basket. Obviously take it out when you put her in, and make sure the sheets aren't too hot! We find it really helps the transition from being held (which is of course nice and warm) to cot (which would otherwise be cooler).

Why were you told to wait 7 weeks before expressing? I've been doing it from zero hour. And after doing it for 12 weeks round the clock for DS, one considers oneself something of a guru in that regard wink

Fishandjam Thu 26-Jul-12 10:01:11

Hey all,

wino, you will now be the petrified proud parent of a small version of Winston Churchill. Congratulations!

Sorry for radio silence. We are having a bad time with colic. For once my irreverent approach to life has deserted me. I'm exhausted and can't stop crying sad Little Pip yells after feeds, in the middle of the night, when we're out and about, you name it. And she is LOUD. I just dread the next bout... She's gaining weight fantastically (a mate of mine has nicknamed me Gold Top Tits) but that's small consolation when it's taking 3 hours to settle her after the 2am feed. I'm either feeding her, trying to get her to stop screaming, or desperately trying to catch up on sleep. Family life is totally down the cludgie; poor old DS is in nursery full time (rather than 3 days a week) because I just can't cope with them both. Cue horrible guilt about neglecting older child!

I know things will improve but I hope it's soon!

<and breathe>

How's everyone else doing?

friedfrog Thu 19-Jul-12 20:32:30

Hi wino how are you feeling about Monday? Sorry the ECV didnt work, at least your oh wont hear you make farm yard noises!

jars glad you like the decor, a french man called Claude did it. I am so jealous of the expressing! I am to scared to start as I an being told to wait 7 weeks, when did you start?

So I need advice getting Izzy to bed, we bath her at 7, wack her on the boob and then try and put her in the Moses basket in our room. It's 20:18 and she keeps screaming when we put her in the basket? What would you recommend? She is 4 weeks today, should I forget the routine? Feeling pretty miserable about it and OH is getting mega frustrated!

Btw help yourselves to some of the awful very generous gifts we have bestowed on us.

Peace x

openerofjars Wed 18-Jul-12 22:29:08

Good luck, wino, and thanks frog! Like the new thread, good decor. Loving the mobiles and baby gyms next to the bar. I think they tone down the vodka wall.

Today I have mostly been expressing milk so that, get this, I can go to bed in a few minutes and DH can do the bloody midnightish feed and I can sleeeeeeeeeppppppp! Tonight I have remembered to express milk before going to bed so I don't wake up pinned to the bed by my boobs and unable to move, which is what happened last night.

Also, it occurs to me, if I build up a stash I can have a Night Out.


Where are all my shoes etc?

Impatientwino Wed 18-Jul-12 21:43:14


Can't technically post here yet as c section not until Monday (ecv failed boooo) but wanted to mark my spot and bring you all some nice wine and cupcakes before I get a bit distracted by my baby!

I'll be back when I'm a mummy! Hope all is well with your gorgeous babies.


friedfrog Tue 17-Jul-12 22:34:37

Hey guys

Tip toes into room and whispers as too scared in case i wake the baby, distributes large coffees and matchmakers.. Use them to keep eyes open or devour in one, you choose!

I thought that as we are starting to pop one by one I would start a thread here so we can compare how utterly terrifying wonderful motherhood is.

My neck has developed a permanent crick and I smell like old cheese! How are you guys doing?

Frog x

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