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POLITICS needs more fun. Few jokers isn the present parliament.

(39 Posts)
digdeepforanswers Sat 19-Jul-14 10:16:45

SKINNER is good on satirical one-liners. Never does questionTime or Any Questions?. (The word is he refuses scoff pre programme. And the Beeb insist. How tame is that?)

Margaret Thatcher re Willie Whitelaw said "Every Prime Miinister needs
a Wliile" The men are said to have guffawed. Best joke she told.

Camerooney and Ed M do decent joks occasionally at PMQs But it is all so bad tempered. The humour is almost gallows humour. (Lighten up lads)

Going back Clement Freud did dog food adverts and had a very droll sense of fun. He was a Liberal MP and ran a posh cafe An original

Women MPs dont do jokes in parliament. Because the men are said to jeer and abuse them. The Speaker needs to sit on a few heads

notnowImreading Sat 19-Jul-14 10:28:31

Agreed. Sadly, the rumours that MPs broke out into a rousing chorus of 'Oh dear what can the matter be? Michael Gove got stuck in the lavatory' are said to be false. If they can't pull even that one off, their comedy muscles are pathetically puny.

Isitmebut Sun 20-Jul-14 01:47:10

The likes of PMQT will never be a belly laugh if you are relying on Dennis Skinner (the ‘Beast of Bolsover’) for ‘one liners’, unless you are into puerile ideological insults and name calling from our law makers. lol

In fact nearly all the humour is politically subject driven, but every now and then you might get a cracker, like when Vince Cable at a pre 2010 PMQT said Mr Brown ‘had gone from being Stalin to Mr Bean’. Where is the joke you might (rightly) ask, but it was all in the timing.

Lets remember during the Labour years they had MP majorities of over 100 to 140 seats in parliament, and the poor Lib Dems were constantly shouted down and laughed at by Labour and the Conservatives.

Mr Brown (aka ‘Chuckles’ or ‘The Clunking Fist’) was so far up his own ‘everyone here is beneath me’ arse, when anyone scored a point or dared question him, you could SEE the displeasure on his face, which was priceless.

So when the politically persecuted Lib Dems Mr Cable came back with that line, everyone in the House laughed and Mr Brown’s jaw movement dropped more than usual, so although ‘you had to be there’, it made the headlines.

The PMQT tempers and noise level is rarely rise due to questions from the governments own benches, it comes from the H.M Oppositions questions.

And IMO there is nothing like an Opposition opposing every new government policy, accusing the government of incompetence on the consequences of their previous policies in government, or trying to score meaningless points as if still back in the Oxbridge Debating Society, to get a government bench shouting back.

claig Sun 20-Jul-14 18:16:38

'Few jokers in the present parliament.'

Are you serious? Have you ever watched PMQs? Have you ever seen the Labour front bench? Every one a joker - granted, maybe not in the amusing sense and more in the Batman sense - but joker nonetheless, and the sad thing is the joke's on us!

claig Sun 20-Jul-14 18:55:24

Have you forgotten the infamous note with "sorry, there's no money left" written on it and left for poor George Osborne to find and deal with?

They're jokers alright!

scaevola Sun 20-Jul-14 19:00:06


He'll be back.

claig Sun 20-Jul-14 19:03:35

Yes, there's Boris.

Thank God Farage is standing for Parliament next time, at least then there will be one serious politician in the House.

digdeepforanswers Mon 21-Jul-14 11:51:57

CLAIG you are making humour party political Humour is more important than that,

I have watched PMQs the speaker should be left to rejig it.Make it half civilised

I like a barney but their are limits to what shouting can achieve against baying from bothe sides.

How many bars are there in the Commons?

Isitmebut Mon 21-Jul-14 12:20:08

Mr Farage in the UK parliament, possibly holding the balance of power and our future ,in 2015 within ANOTHER half arsed 5-year coalition, what a hoot that will be – verily a Westminster side splitter a session. .

And I hear Mr Farage is already focusing on his transition from MEP to MP, as didn’t he say on the radio (LBC?) that he believes Westminster MP’s should earn a salary similar to an Headmaster, £90 to £100,000, from the current £67,000 a year?

The cynic in me would suggest that Mr Farage who is currently paid an annual MEP salary of £78,0000(?) but also get an additional Daily Attendance Allowance and £3,500 PER MONTH expenses money paid into his bank account whether claimed or not, is getting concerned about his future standard of living.

But generally speaking, as MP’s need to usually run two homes, I agree with him that MP pay should reflect their importance as our law makers and the outgoings associated with the job.

The caveat being that if similar to those main party MP’s whose main individual contribution is regurgitating ideological clap trap on whip demand i.e. ‘Eton toff’ or ‘paid trade union stooge’, Mr Farage continues to grandstand and contribute little to serious politics with unobtainable social objectives to obtain his votes, £67,000 is more than enough. Few get paid MORE as an apprentice (fart arsing around Europe), than they do once obtaining ‘the real thing’.

But hey, if we end up paying £100,000 a year and ‘want a real larf’, never mind Dennis Skinner, we could get FRANK Skinner for that, and widen the audience for politics at a stroke. lol

WetAugust Wed 06-Aug-14 21:33:57

Boris will liven things up when he's back in the Commons next tear Does anyone else think that his EU comments today are positioning him nicely for Conservative leader, backed by the anti EU element of the Tory party.

does he really hold these views or is this just a very cynical move?

claig Wed 06-Aug-14 21:53:56

Yes, it looks like he is going for leadership.

I think he is having us all on as he always seems to do in his jokey manner. He was interviewed today and said something like the establishment, the BBC, Channel 4 etc etc all want us to stay in Europe and that he does too, except in a reformed Europe.

Louise Mensch sometimes tweets about Boris and says someting like he will not become leader because he is pro Europe and the sceptics will not back him. She probably knows what goes on on the inside.

The people don't mind Boris for a laugh, but whether they believe what he says may be a different matter.

claig Wed 06-Aug-14 22:21:50

The news said that Cameron will try and use Boris to take on Farage.
They haven't got a clue. Farage will wipe the floor with Eton and Oxbridge Boris just like he wiped the floor with Westminster and Oxbridge Clegg.

The people can spot the difference between a jewel and a joker.

Isitmebut Thu 07-Aug-14 11:55:54

WetAugust …. Frankly as someone who did not go to university myself, while I greatly respect Boris and his intellect to sort out big projects e.g London, as one of 625 MP's in Westminster I do not believe the ‘noise’ that follows Boris around, is useful to the Conservatives at any time - never mind such an important 5-years parliament from 2015 - whether in a minority Westminster seat government, or in opposition.

On Boris and the subject of our membership of the EU, written into UK law and can only be changed visa Westminsyer, the Conservative policy is clear; if the Conservatives formed the next government with a Westminster MAJORITY, this is the only way the UK people will have an OPTION to leave the EU via a Referendum in 2017, having first been shown THE FACTS from both sides of the in/out divide.

There is so much EU scaremongering rollocks going around from politicians without being qualified e.g. millions of UK job losses from a Europe still in recession, the UK people deserves to know the TRUTH before voting yes/no. No other political party can truthfully or otherwise, offer the UK a way out of an unreformed Europe - especially Ukip, that even if it gets 10 or 20 seats in Westminster, apart from ensuring there will be NO TORY EU REFERENDUM, with Farage’s gob it will just add to the political ‘noise’, and all be as influential to our exit from the EU, as a duck fart in windy weather.

Personally would I like Boris being Conservative leader with all his ‘noise’, certainly not. However this is not an issue until after the next General Election when there could be an opening, as Cameron has said that IF the Conservatives win a majority in parliament (from the 20-seat deficit now) and FAILS to give the UK an EU referendum, he will resign.

Isitmebut Thu 07-Aug-14 12:07:00

Claig ....

The Conservatives do not need Boris to ‘take on Farage’, the FACT that Ukip could NEVER change British law from Brussels and bring the UK out of the EU, if FINALLY understood by Ukip voters who need a real say on leaving the EU (via a UK referendum), the TRUTH will do that.

Re another ‘Eaton toff’, may I remind you that not one MP from Eaton in government got us into the economic and social ‘kin mess – but despite being handed a UK that economically and socially bore no semblance to what they handed over in 1997, with no plan in 2010 from the then government to sort it out – if a cabinet of Oxbridge and ‘normal people’ were clueless, maybe brighter people from Eaton supplied the necessary ‘little grey cells’ that were missing. lol

In the U.S. the people want the brightest of the bright in their government to sort out the complex issues of the nation, whilst here voters think those who put in place the lax banking, EU and Non EU immigration, lack of housing and domestic unemployment policies in times of ££plenty (and the end result by 2010), are more 'in touch with the people' than those from Eaton, reversing those shit policies. It's a funny old world.

WetAugust Fri 08-Aug-14 00:52:20

Just wanted to clear up the fact that I hold no flame for Boris. Quite the reverse. But I shall enjoy the unpredictability and chaos that he will bring to Parliament.

You know my views are very anti-EU. But I have now resigned myself to the fact that we will never leave the European Union. The Tory party will never take us out. So there's no point banging on that Farage cannot take us out and that only a party of government can even initiate that process I.e. Vote Conservative.

There is no appetite within any of the in 3 political parties to leave the EU. I have reluctantly accepted. And I think a that many thousands of people in this country have finally reached the same conclusion.

So we will continue yo vote UKIP even if I you think it's a wasted vote.

It may well be, but at least it is a conviction vote.

And voting any other way wouldn't bring about the changes we want anyway.

Isitmebut Fri 08-Aug-14 14:11:48

WetAugust ….. I’m guessing that with your chosen name, you are not one of life’s ‘half full’ people. Lol

Whether you truly are being cynical or Ukip political, is immaterial, the Conservatives WILL offer the 2017 EU Referendum in their 2015 General Election manifesto, so then if there was a Conservative majority in 2015, there can be no going back.

And as Ukip is offering the people a referendum on EVERY major policy change, the concept of a referendum should be clear to you, that within a national vote, as the politicians have one vote each, THE PEOPLE DECIDE, not politicians.

Re the UK never leaving the EU due to the three main party’s not wanting to, as far as the Conservatives are concerned, you could not be more wrong, as an UNREFORMED EU goes against every Conservative principal of how to build a SUSTAINABLE UK ECONOMY, as evidenced by the changes they made since 2010 on the ‘mini’ EU inefficient, bureaucratic, high taxes, and generally anti business UK economy they inherited.

As I have explained on the ‘The EU, IN or OUT’ thread today, for the sake of UK prosperity, we really have no other option BUT to leave an unreformed EU.

So Ukip voters who WANT a say on leaving the EU will only get that one way, and as due to dodgy boundary lines if the Conservatives retain 35% of the votes they will again be around 20-seats SHORT of a majority, yet a 34% of the vote will give Labour around a 66 seat MAJORITY - so if Ukip voters don’t wake up, they will get another Labour pro EU integration government.

Hakluyt Fri 08-Aug-14 14:18:15

What politics needs is more politicians.

Isitmebut Fri 08-Aug-14 15:11:42

Hakluyt .... I disagree as a lot of politicians (and bureaucrats) just want to be SEEN doing something, to try and justify their salaries - which can be counter productive because instead of 'reform' they just 'fiddle', either change for change sake or make new rules/res/laws - rather than actually be productive and 'create' something for society.

Path of least resistance and quality over quantity, methinks.

The so called bedroom tax to help a chronic shortage of bedrooms with a social home waiting list of 5 million, before being able to break ground/building as many homes as you can, could be an example of 'fiddling'.

But there are other examples. lol

“Blair's 'frenzied law making' : a new offence for every day spent in office”

claig Fri 08-Aug-14 16:37:44

'“Blair's 'frenzied law making' : a new offence for every day spent in office”

I haven't read the article that goes with that headline, but I thought it was the case that Blair (and New Labour) committed far more than just one offence per day.

'What politics needs is more politicians.'

Yes, but what politics really needs is more ordinary people and fewer PPEs and moneyed metropolitan luvvies.

claig Fri 08-Aug-14 16:52:10

And that is why the Tories want Boris back.

claig Fri 08-Aug-14 16:55:06

Maybe the joke's on the ordinary people.

It seems that you can't swing a cat in the House without hitting a PPE, a joker or a chum, but of ordinary people, sadly there are none.

The metropolitan elite are absolute loving it.

claig Fri 08-Aug-14 17:17:05

But the metropolitan elite's days of laughing at and thumbing their noses at the people is over and they know it.

They're in a desperate state. They've called on all their PPEs to man the barricades and they've called back Boris as their popularity fades.

The PPEs have circled their wagons, they are going to make their equivalent of Custer's last stand. They can hear the people coming as they march behind the band.

From over the hills, the PPEs hear the voices. Ordinary people in their millions, full of hope, common sense and straight talk, longing for "direct democracy" and an end to the jokers and dorks. Not a luvvie among them, not even a PPE, just millions of honest people, longing to be free.

The PPEs gaze through their binoculars and spy the masses from afar, and they report back to their puppetmasters that the estimates of the numbers are certainly no mirage, this is going to be one hell of a barrage and they are all following four square behind the formidable Farage.

The stakes are high, rien ne va plus, the people have called their bluff, they know they are all duff. It's like a game of poker and Farage is in front, looking up towards the sky, echoing the people's cry - "No more jokers!"

claig Fri 08-Aug-14 18:00:16

As night fell, the PPEs began to panic, some of them even started to act a little manic.

"Butler, my good man, I say, fellow, shouldn't the People's Army an frightful Farage be upon us, for they set off early in the day?"

The butler put down his tray of liqueurs and vol-au-vents, paid for by the public, and replied to a PPE, "My liege, some Bullingdon members report that the People's Army stopped off at the Dog and Duck on the orders of Farage. He felt that light refreshment was required when they reached the county border, and Farage was first one at the bar to place his order. Farage said that the People's Army cannot and will not march on a dry thoat, but there are now reports that they have already breached the moat."

There was panic in the room and an awful sense of doom. The PPEs were bereft. They did what they always do, they penned a note saying "Sorry, but there's no money left".

WetAugust Fri 08-Aug-14 19:43:50

Sorry Claig. Have I interrupted the opening chapter of a novel you are writing online? grin


Ok - so if I vote Tory they are more likely to get in and if they get in the (might) give us a referendum on Europe.

I say 'might' becaue the Tories do have a bit of a track record on policy-changing (�1 million pound inheritance tax relief anyone?)

However, let's pretend they do get in and they do hold a referendum. And in that referendum the Tory campaigning line is 'LET'S STAY IN'

I think I would feel a tad cheated if not, well let's be blunt, a trifle pissed off.

Yes we do need more politicians because all we have as Claig pointed out are a bunch of Oxbridge PPE graduates. If you want to see who actually runs the country read Alaister Campbell's diaries where he is constantly shaking his head in disbelief at some of the scrapes that 'the one supposedly in charge' managed to get himself into.

At least with Nigel we know that he wouldn't sell out for a seat on the Brussels gravy train.

And I thought I had made my point quite clear - it doesn't matter who you vote for because we'll stay in the EU anyway and even if UKIP were to emerge as a major player in domestic politics it would takes decades for that to happen - decades in which we would have been swallowed alive by the EU

Sorry - it's Game Over.

But I particularly like the irony last week of the Russian sanctions. 'We can't go it alone' says Claggy because we would lose our export markets if we we left the EU.

Well guess what Claggy - we just lost a rather large one in Russia last week without having to leave the EU. In fact it was the EU's insistence at meddling in Ukrainian poloitocs that cost us this export loss in the first place. Hilarious if it wasn't so diabollically sad.

Anuway, the consolation prize is that we'll see more of Boris which will piss off Cameron and split the Tories even further than they are at the moment. Never thought the Tories would have such a poverty of ability within the party that they look to Boris as the solution.

Strange world

WetAugust Fri 08-Aug-14 19:46:31

I wonder whether the Whigs ever envisaged the Labour Party?

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