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Feeling pressure to get dd christened

(13 Posts)
Chickyboo Fri 17-Jun-05 13:56:58

DH and his family want dd christened and I don't. Dh wants her only wants her christened so that she can get into the 'good' schools, but he is totally against catholicism.
I have told him that being christened is not enough and that you would heve to attend church as well...his answer I will have to start going to church.
I don't feel that she has to go to religious school to get good education but Dh says that I will ruin her furture because of my views any opinions...?

gothicmama Fri 17-Jun-05 14:00:56

check the ofsted reports for local schools altho all this may change by the time she is ready for school - DH's attendance at church would probable be enough - IMO it is not much of a reason to get christened. I don't think you will ruin her future there are studies that show the input of parents in the early years (0-5) is far more important to development than attending a 'good' school

Chickyboo Fri 17-Jun-05 14:07:53

Well I think the fact that I'm studying to be a teacher at the moment means that dd's education is very important. I have looked at Ofsted report but DD is only 11 months so looking ahead really any way I'm not comforable with her attending catholic school. Dh and I discussed this before dd came along.

Also his aunty said that in Italy if you don't christen a baby then they might as well be an animal.. can you beleive it!

MaloryTowers Fri 17-Jun-05 14:09:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

gothicmama Fri 17-Jun-05 14:16:16

I'll try and find the link for you - as a trainee teacher it may be interesting reading it basically says taht a good foundation and interest and support from parents means that regardlesss of the school attended achievements will be the same - I didn;t mean to imply you weren't interested in dd's education-

do you want dd to be a catholic perhaps you could have a naming ceremony instead and leave teh decision until a later date

marialuisa Fri 17-Jun-05 14:51:39

I'll admit I'm RC but as such I do find it a bit weird that your non-believer DH wants your DD baptised. Is being RC also cultrally significant to him (you mention family in Italy)? I know that even if I didn't have any faith I would still have had DD baptised because it is the cultural norm in Mallorca (where my dad's family come from) but IMHO being RC there is a bit like being CofE here-if pushed most people would describe themselves as such, use the Church for births/marriages/deaths but it's not a big deal.
It just wouldn't have felt right not to have DD "done" IYSWIM.

i think you need to talk to your DH more about this and see if there are other reasons why he is so keen to get your DD baptised (family pressure-I would have felt like i was snubbing my family if I'd gone along with DH's desire not to baptise DD) but he maybe thinks the school issue is a better (rational?) way to get you to agree. Personally I don't see that by baptising a child you choose their faith for them. My dbro is 10 and baptised, first communioned etc. However he insists he doesn't believe and chooses not to take communion or receive a blessing when we go to mass, we all respect that.

Chickyboo Fri 17-Jun-05 20:04:12

My Dh tells everyone including his family that he thinks RC is one of the worst religions..I don't have a veiw myself as I'm not religious or interested in church at all. I'm more of a humanist really.

Am I being stubborn sticking to my guns considering Dh's argument is all about the best schools being RC. Also he will not go to church says thats my job!!!! Actually as I'm writing this I'm wondering what the hell is he on

Magscat Fri 17-Jun-05 20:17:45

Chickyboo - I have just got ds into the local Catholic school and I am an aetheist. I ticked the 'non-religious' box and I had to write a letter supporting his application explaining why I wanted him to go there but I didn't at any time have to pretend he is baptised or Christened (he isn't)or that we go to Church (we don't).

Might be worth finding out if your local faith schools are really hard to get into or not. Many of them have a policy of taking x% non-CofE or non-Catholic kids. Their stats should tell you how many applications they get per place available.

Nightynight Fri 17-Jun-05 20:19:02

I had a dispute with my dx over a similar but different issue. I gave in for the sake of not rowing, and it was quite hard at the time but guess what-----4 years later, I couldn't care less!
just to give you another perspective.

what do I know about relationships anyway - mine fell apart

hercules Fri 17-Jun-05 20:36:55

if he is anti catholicism, how can he support the school ethos?

Chickyboo Sat 18-Jun-05 18:42:24

I know 3 people who couldn't get into RC school without letter from priest and also proving their religion maybe its harder in London/inner cities.
The fact that he wants her christened but doesn't want to organise or pay anything towards it. So I'm just going to leave it up to him to organise and I will go along with it.

Chickyboo Sat 18-Jun-05 18:43:33

Hercules that is exactly my point... I'm still in shock actually.

Chickyboo Tue 21-Jun-05 00:14:32

Doesn't matter anymore we are breaking up.

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