My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

Join our Philosophy forum to discuss religion and spirituality.

Philosophy/religion

My gay friend wants to take his son to a toddler group that is run by a Church - do any church-goers here run a toddler group?

53 replies

TAFKAtheUrbanDryad · 04/10/2009 10:51

He is worried that he will get a negative reaction from the leaders. I have to say, that going by my own toddler group (church run, with a very slight Christian bias) he would certainly get a few odd looks, and possibly some nasty comments behind his back if people found out that he was gay.

I know there are going to be people who say, "How will people know?" but there is no way you could meet my friend and not realise that he's gay!

OP posts:
Report
Katymac · 04/10/2009 11:09

It depends (imo) on the type of toddler group & the type of church

If it is OFSTED registered or conrolled in any way they should have policies in place preventing discrimination

If it is a nice Christian church - the people should be able to take people as they are and not be nasty & vicious

I may be in cloud cuckoo land

Report
TAFKAtheUrbanDryad · 04/10/2009 11:14

It's not OFSTED registered, I suggested originally that he go to the Surestart group, but he had some very nasty comments there. His ds doesn't need to see that either, IMO.

I actually forgot to put my question in my OP - if you run a Church-y mums & tots, would a gay man be unwelcome? Whispered about? And if he came to you - as the leader of the group - and said he felt discriminated against because of his sexuality what would you do?

TIA

OP posts:
Report
MaggieBehave · 04/10/2009 11:17

I sort of run one (taking a turn with four other women in the church) but tbh, I'm not very religious. The only one of us who IS religious has a gay musician friend so I don't think there'd be a problem!

I despise it when people use the bible to endorse their hatred of anybody else.

that said, my toddler group it's all women, but I think we'd all like to see a man there!

Report
TAFKAtheUrbanDryad · 04/10/2009 11:32

So, Maggie, what would you do if a hypothetical gay dad said someone was being rude/mean to him because of his sexuality?

We have a few dads at our toddler group, but AFAIK they all have wives!

OP posts:
Report
ThingOne · 04/10/2009 12:00

I think it depends entirely on the church and the toddler group. I'm a member of a large mainstream/liberal, city, CofE church (but at home with a stonking cold). I would be appalled if a gay parent felt unable to come to our toddler group. There are other churches in the town who do consider homosexuality a sin. These are definitely place for a gay parent to avoid. But even some evangelic churches are no longer the "we can cure you" places they were maybe twenty years ago.

Report
MaggieBehave · 04/10/2009 14:13

I just can't imagine it. They're all under 45. I think you'd have to add on another 30 years before there'd be a serious risk of somebody saying something homophobic. I mean most women of 'our' (very approximate here) have friendships with gay men.

Report
Astrophe · 04/10/2009 14:20

At our Evangelical church toddlers group, a gay parent would be welcome, as would any parent regardless of their situation. I suspect there would be some parents who might 'whisper', but, tbh, at our group it wouldn't be the Christian Mums who would do this, and overall I think the welcome would be warm.

Report
ilovemydogandmrobama · 04/10/2009 14:38

Oh, let him. If he does get a negative reaction, which is quite unlikely, then am sure it wouldn't be the first time.

Most Church run toddler groups are very inclusive and have probably seen/heard it all

Report
MovingOutOfBlighty · 04/10/2009 14:41

You are kidding me!

We go to a church run toddler group and the only thing that would start whispers about him is if he pilfered all the nice biscuits, such as the jam rings.

Report
lisad123wantsherquoteinDM · 04/10/2009 14:42

send him to our dads group, its fab and couldnt care less if his gay, straight or from mars tbh.

Does he have to go to that gorup? is it run in the building or by the church? maybe if his worried he could find his local childrens centre, they do loads of groups for little ones.

Report
TAFKAtheUrbanDryad · 04/10/2009 18:39

He's tried a Surestart group which he left because one of the mums started making nasty comments to his ds (like "Which one do you call mummy then?") and intimating that the only reason my friend wanted to adopt a boy - they didn't specify, btw - was so they could groom him.

I think after that he felt very wary of a church run group because he felt it would be worse, but given the comments on here I think I'll forward him the thread.

I know that the mindset of gay=paedophile isn't quite as prevalent as it used to be in the christian church, but it is still around, and I'd hate for him to fall foul of it again.

His other option is to look out a group specifically for BLGT parents - he lives in Manchester, so there must be something - but he doesn't drive and the church group is just down the road.

OP posts:
Report
TAFKAtheUrbanDryad · 04/10/2009 18:40

@ Blighty, btw.

OP posts:
Report
pofacedandproud · 04/10/2009 18:49

Depends on the church. there were two groups in two different churches that I used to go to. One would have been warm and welcoming, the the other horrified. I only went once to the second place.

Report
hester · 04/10/2009 19:18

TAFKA - that is truly depressing. I went to our local church-run group with no problems, but I'm a gay mum (with long hair and make-up) and I'm sure most if not all of them had no idea of my situation.

Every major city has lesbian and gay parenting groups, but none has the resources to provide any kind of regular alternative to mainstream mother and toddler groups, IME. I feel very sorry for this guy; he must feel very isolated.

Actually, my blood pressure is rising as I type about that Surestart mum. How bloody dare she? You would think even someone who thought homosexuality wrong would stop short of being nasty to a small child.

Report
MaggieBehave · 04/10/2009 20:40

movingoutofblighty at my toddler group, eyebrows might be raised if you 'forgot' to pay your £2 a couple of weeks running.

Report
lisbey · 04/10/2009 21:06

I have a good friend who runs a church toddler group - she would bend over backwards to make sure he was welcomed, which might be a bit uncomfortable, but would be done with the best intentions

Report
BonjourIvresse · 04/10/2009 21:08

how would they know he was gay? I don't usually talk about my sexual preferences at toddler group!

Seriously, there might be a problem at an evangelical church but I don't think most places would cause a problem.

Report
sherby · 04/10/2009 21:11

Love thy neighbour and all that

Didn't jesus say something about even whores reaching heaven before the righteous?

Report
pofacedandproud · 04/10/2009 21:12

Jesus is not the problem sherby. Christians are.

Report
Fleecy · 04/10/2009 21:16

I would hope that a church group would be welcoming and supportive, rather than judgy. I'm a Christian and I'd be appalled if our church groups weren't open to everyone.

Sadly, I'm sure that's not always the case - I fear Pofaced has hit the nail on the head

Report
sherby · 04/10/2009 21:20

lol poface, too true

Report
Pinkfluffyslippers · 04/10/2009 21:23

Suggestion..... some Quaker meetings (prob, just the larger ones) welcome kids and make provision for them at a meeting. ANd the Quakes are v inclusive... I know your friend was a looking at a toddler group specifically but if he wanted to do something on a SUnday then that might help..

Just a thought!

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

wicked · 04/10/2009 21:25

How would anyone know that he is gay?

Report
StewieGriffinsMom · 04/10/2009 21:28

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

TAFKAtheUrbanDryad · 04/10/2009 21:29

Read the OP people - if you met him there is no way you would think he was straight!

It might be the glitter, or the "I'm a Friend of Dorothy" t-shirt (not really!) but, seriously, he is so gay it's not real. It's like he's a parody of gayness!

OP posts:
Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.