Ok, step away now if offended by such topics - Masturbation, Porn and Christianity

[ChocIceCone]

Ok, have name changed for this post, for obvious reasons!

This subject has been bothering me for some time, ever since I read a Christian book about the subjects surrounding sex before marriage, sexuality, affairs, flirting, etc, and what the 'boundaries' were, so to speak, in terms of what is right or wrong, in the view of God / Christianity.

One of the subjects covered was masturbation, and if it's ok or not. The author said not (her reasoning being that if we masturbate, we aren't likely to be thinking 'pure' thoughts while doing it, and various others). She applied the same ideas for both men and women.
Now, I'm unclear as to whether this should be believed / worried about, as the author herself said that it doesn't specifically state in the Bible that masturbation isn't allowed, however that the thoughts we have when doing it aren't pure, and probably not pleasing to God.

Same goes for porn - I don't watch films or look at pictures (obviously the Church doesn't advocate the use of these!) - but I do occasionally read erotic literature and written stories - is that just as bad??

I've been brought up to believe that masturbation is healthy, normal and perfectly ok, but I've been trying to learn more about God, Jesus, etc, and would now consider myself a Christian. Is doing the above setting me outside of being a 'proper' Christian?

I would really like to hear the views of other Christians...
Thanks.

[LovingtheSilverFox]

This is a little heavy for a middle of the night discussion! My thought would be....probably not in line with "main stream" but here goes. Please don't shout at me.....

God gave us these remarkable bodies for a reason. As long as masturbation doesn't become something you use as a crutch (is has been known) it should be ok.

Most importantly you now consider yourself a Christian, and are asking these questions. Well done for taking this step.

[ChocIceCone]

Thanks SilverFox, I appreciate your comments.
May I ask, are you a Christian, and if so, how long for?

[LovingtheSilverFox]

That sounded really patronising, sorry!

The idea that masturbation is wrong across the board is a bit sweeping, the problem, as with any question like this is that each person has their own "take" on it shaped by their upbringing and personal experience.

[LovingtheSilverFox]

I keep re reading what I have written and deciding I haven't worded things properly!

I was brought up in a religious family, so have never really had a revelation moment to come to faith, but as with almost any (honest) christian (if thats not a pun type thing) I have had moments where I have felt closer to Him than others.

Do you mind sharing your journey?

[ChocIceCone]

No apology needed - your post wasn't patronising at all.

I think I'm more concerned about the porn thing tbh - it's not really seen as ok is it, even for non Christians?
Sorry to go on - just that this really isn't the sort of thing i could speak about to my friends from Church!

[OldLadyKnowsNothing]

I'm no longer Christian, but I have trouble believing that the Christian God would have created a body that's so much fun to use and then forbidden people to use it other than in carefully-defined circumstances. Visual porn may involve exploitation of the actors in it, but that's not an issue with erotica, so I'd think you're OK on that.

[ChocIceCone]

In answer to your question SilverFox, like many people I had been brought up within a Church of England school, attended services regularly as a child, and was christened, but never really understood what is meant to be called a Christian, ifyswim? Over the years, I didn't give it a thought, until approx 3 years ago my husband and I became involved in a local Church and began to explore what it really meant.
It's only recently however that I've felt closer to Him, and that He is listening to me...

[LovingtheSilverFox]

Porn....erm........I should put that it isn't right, but I do feel a bit torn about it. You reading erotic literature I don't think He has a problem with as long as it is Mills and Boon and not the real life stories at the back of some of the mens magazines, but then saying that, if the sex is between two people in a commited relationship......

Oh I'm tying myself in knots here.....I wonder if there are any more experienced Christians around???

[ChocIceCone]

Thanks OldLady.

[LovingtheSilverFox]

OldLady has hit the nail firmly on the head as usual, thank you.

Sex is about fun, and He did that for a reason.

I am glad you have found your compass again, remember its us that move not Him.

[ChocIceCone]

Errrr...no, it's not exactly Mills & Boon!! In fact, quite the opposite... Hmm, I suppose I've answered my own question there, as to whether it's right or wrong - i think I would even be embarassed to admit to DH that I look at this kind of stuff, so perhaps I should just stop, as it's not exactly what you would call a great attribute and def not pleasing to God! Perhaps I was just trying to make it ok in my own mind by posting on here to see if others thought it was ok, ifyswim?

[LovingtheSilverFox]

I will probably be flamed for not really knowing what I am talking about tomorrow morning!

Its one of those dilemmas we come up against as Christians, what is acceptable to Him, versus the attitudes of society.

Have you discussed this with your husband?

Remember if you are wrestling with something, prayer always helps.

[OldLadyKnowsNothing]

LOL@LovingtheSilverFox tying self in knots over fiction. (Yes, even the "real life stories.")

Bit at the "as usual".

[OldLadyKnowsNothing]

Do you think God would mind if He caught you wanking to a made-up story? Who's being hurt?

[ChocIceCone]

You're right, what is 'right' for Christians is not acceptable for much of society, and vice versa. I guess it's all about 'reprogramming' my mind, for want of a better term, to think differently from how I used to.

I haven't spoken to DH about this yet, but think I will...

Thanks for all your advice...

[LovingtheSilverFox]

My curiosity is piqued, but definately don't want to pry! ISWYM, but am not sure whether I can give a definitive answer unles I know what material we are discussing !

Only joking, if you feel uncomfortable with DH knowing, maybe should stop anyway, for the relationship.

[LovingtheSilverFox]

Old Lady, once more, very succint and well put. I get a bit confused with these issues myself, and most people do.

Please don't regard it as "reprogramming" because being a Christian isn't about not having fun! And a lot of things that society says are ok, are ok for Christians. Also please remember that the Bible was written at a certain point in history, so a context filter should be applied. But thats my point of view, I know Christian friends who would lambast me for that comment.

[ChocIceCone]

I think I will tell him, though tbh I think he would be quite amused! Silverfox, these stories are only on, ahem, certain websites! Nothing illegal I hasten to add, but perhaps quite 'fantasy' - but def not M&B!!!!

[LovingtheSilverFox]

Good luck with this, I am always here if you want more confusing opinions!! There is also a good prayer thread, if you want support from them.

I will uphold you tonight in my prayers, and pray that He will strengthen you on your journey.

[LovingtheSilverFox]

Must head bedwards as small children will need to be fought off tomorrow!!

[ChocIceCone]

Thanks so much both of you! I'm off to bed too.
Perhaps other MNers will add their comments too tomorrow - although poss a bit of a strong subject to post on first thing in the morning!
Night!

[ChocIceCone]

Is it late enough in the evening to ask what others thing on this?

[hf128219]

God is all forgiving.

[ChocIceCone]

I think he is, hf, but by doing things like this, do we alienate/distance ourselves from Him?

[hf128219]

I think we do perhaps whilst doing these things but the purity of other parts of our lives make up for our failings.