Feeling like a boat untethered and set adrift on a massive black ocean....(7 Posts)
Kind of like Iggle Piggle in his little boat strangely.
I am completely lost. I have DS who is 14 months old and he is the best thing that has ever happened to me. I love him with every part of my heart and soul and he means the world to me. I have supportive partner who works hard so I can stay at home and look after LO. We are in same boat as everyone else with the current economic climate so have nothing really to be "lost" about but all the same, I feel really really lost.
My mum died very suddenly a couple of years ago and our family has basically fallen apart. I never hear from or see my father/brothers now unless I go out of my way to visit them or phone them. They don't even reply to my txts. One of my brothers has actually been quite offhand with me, casting up things that happened when we were kids and asking me "what the hell happened to you that you are such a failure". We have never really got on so I suppose I should be asking myself why I am expecting anything to change now we don't have my Mum to keep us in touch. My father has always loved the boys more than me (which is not me being touchy or "poor me" but just realistic which is what I have had to accept). Again, why can't I just get over it.
My partners family are very close and have also never really accepted me. One particular family member told me - in no uncertain terms - that she thought I was not good enough for my partner and that "a lot of the family agree". Sometimes I think i should have just got out of it then but I wouldn't have DS if I had and I do love DH deep down.
I am not sure what I am looking for by posting this - someone who has felt the same at some point or that this sounds familiar to? I don't know.
I just feel soooo lost and alone. I think I am just realising that now my Mum is gone, it is becoming glaringly obvious that I don't really matter to anyone else in the family. My extended family only ever gets in touch to see LO. No one is interested in me in the slightest and it is quite depressing...
I hope this doesn't just sound like a pathetic whimper. I would never talk about this in RL but I have been thinking about it and think I just need to get it out there as I would really like some advice on it all...
Thanks to anyone who has read this and sorry for sounding so pathetic...
Sorry - I just read this back and it does sound sooooo pathetic...
you don't sound pathetic at all, but understandably sad and anxious. i have often felt frightened and alone - and that's despite having the good fortune to have a loving family on both my and DH's side and a great network of friends - so i can only imagine how much more so you must feel right now. to me it's the human condition, to some extent, but of course that feeling is magnified at certain times in our lives, and no wonder for you it's NOW, with the loss of your mother. how are you off for friends, since your family sounds so fractured and distant? have you thought of posting on the mental health board, where there might be lots of practical advice - not saying this is the wrong place, at all, but might be worth posting there as well?
no time for more, but sympathy flying your way through the ether, and a big big hug
I was talking to my mum in a simlar way the other week. She said that when we where little she went to the Doctors feeling the same way, the Doctor told her to 'go home, your normal' he said that all mothers who have young children feel this way, isolated and have low self-esteem. Having children means that you pour every bit out of yourself into them.
Having said all this, my final answer to your problems is Jesus Christ. He is my answer to everything.
Hi, it sounds like your mum was the rock which held your family together, and you lost her suddenly just at a stage in your life when your relationship would have been changing with you going through pregnancy and having your child, just when you needed love and support. So I'm not surprised at all that you feel lost - she was always there holding things together, and now she's gone and no-one is doing that any more. I'm sorry that your family are not being loving and supportive - if they have always been like that, then I don't know what if anything you can do to get round their absence, and the lack of love your DPs family are showing you. You could try posting in Relationships if you want advice from people who've had a similar struggle with their family, which might at least reassure you that you're not unusual.
Other than that, I think you have to find ways to carry on - does your DP understand how you feel, and how you only have him and DS now? You don't necessarily have to have lots of loving family for support, if the two of you can be support for each other. And you can also look around you for opportunities to make friends - lots of women with small children feel quite alone and isolated, but it can be a chance to meet others in the same situation and help each other, which provides mutual support.
From a religious POV, you are never alone, God is closer to you then your jugular vein.
I think you are obviously still grieving for your Mum, grief brings out a lot of negative emotions, as everything looks bleaker when a loved one has gone.
If you can, try an get some counselling via your G.P. You can't change other people, but you can change how you let them make you feel.
Most importantly, you have your wonderful new family of DP and DS. You can make things different.
Thanks for taking the time to reply. Thanks for the advice too. I used to be religious and think I posted here rather than on mental health for a different perspective on a spiritual level as I think I am maybe lacking some kind of faith.
I will definitely concentrate more on my "new" family as I feel I am cheating them by being so concerned about my extended family.
I think I feel worse that DP knows I only have him and DS as it makes me feel more vulnerable. Anyway, I thank you all again for your words of wisdom. It really really does help
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