I know this has been asked in various ways before and I don't wish to start a fight discussion between the atheists and the believers, but I'm struggling with spirituality at the moment and would like to hear other peoples views.
I feel drawn towards some sort of spiritual practice - but I also don't really know if I believe in "God". Sometimes I've had quite profound moments of revelation where I have felt that I do believe in a Higher Power, other times I have convinced myself that this is just an emotional response/psychological conditioning on my part. Except those moments have been so profound and come from outside myself and have felt so right and true and permanent - but then they disappear and I'm left alone again.
I feel a gut reaction against atheism of the Dawkins variety because I find it so dull and reductionist and that it kind of misses the point. I feel a gut reaction against the kind of religious belief where people will say things like "God told me to x y z" because I just don't think it works like that - maybe you prayed and then you were able to find an answer, but come on...did god really talk to you?
I am not attracted to "organised religion" (ie church, mosque, temple) because it is manmade and rigid.
In a way I wish I could be a Christian - I think the radical message about inclusion, love and selflessness in the here and now is a good way to go and to my mind is not present in other major religions - no offence intended - but I just don't believe that Jesus was "the Son of God", I believe he was a human with a radical message about our purpose in life. So I don't believe or accept the Trinity etc.
However, I can accept it as an idea that transcends the need for literal belief - in the sense that the central image of Jesus on the cross retrospectively has come to symbolise the need for self sacrifice in all of us, stripping off layers of our own egotism and selfishness etc.
I am attracted to Buddhism in terms of the mindfulness and meditation, but I find the aspects of it which are to do with escaping from the world take things too far in that direction and away from the joyful profusion of life in all its messy clamouring and humanity.
I can see things that I instinctively know to be true in pretty much all traditions, but I couldn't follow any of them because I couldn't truthfully go along with the rituals and central creeds because I think they are all a bit distorted and lost in translation.
So what happens to a person like me, do I just go along being a spiritually aware yet non-developed person without an actual spiritual practice, teetering on the fence of agnosticism with occasional dips into faith?
I am spiritually thirsty and often notice that even when I start thinking about things like this, life flows better and I experience a certain quality or essence in life that is not there when I am not thinking like this. Surely that has to mean something, right?
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Genuinely curious about where I fit in...advice from the faithful please - LONG sorry
22 replies
Dilettante · 22/05/2009 11:20
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