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Muslim Mumsnetters - is it Sunnah for men to grow beards for mourning or??

(23 Posts)
PussinJimmyChoos Sun 11-Jan-09 20:27:53

MIL died two weeks ago, May Allah grant her Jannah.

DH is back now and I will be seeing him, Insha'Allah tomorrow. He told me to be prepared as he has 2 weeks worth of beard for mourning (not great for me as I lipread lol lol!)...I had heard of this before but trying to find out what the basis of it is Islamically...

Any wise Muslimahs out there who can help Puss on her quest for knowledge smile

wrinklytum Sun 11-Jan-09 20:31:29

Puss, I am not a Moslem so cannot answer your question but just want you to know I have been thinking of you having followed your sad threads with regard to your MIL and I am wishing you and your dh all good wishes for 2009. xx (thread hijack over)

PussinJimmyChoos Sun 11-Jan-09 20:40:24

Aww Wrinkly - thanks for that. Bit nervous as to what to expect re a grieving spouse...oh and stubble rash from the beard wink

stitch Sun 11-Jan-09 20:43:51

lots of wishes for you puss. i'm sorry for your loss.
re the beard, i have never heard of this custom before. i thinnk it is a cultural practice rather than an islamic one. iyswim. i wouldnt make him remove it as it may be important for him to grieve.

wrinklytum Sun 11-Jan-09 20:45:24

Aww I bet you will be really happy to see him though,after he has been away for so long,it must've been really hard for both of you and the dcs.x

PussinJimmyChoos Sun 11-Jan-09 20:48:14

Wouldn't dream of making him remove it. I just get fed up with people saying oh this is Islamic when it may not be and so am trying to find out why - my knowledge is not that complete and so if I don't understand something, I like to look into it

fuzzywuzzy Sun 11-Jan-09 21:06:46

So sorry for your loss Pussinjimmychoos.

Growing a beard is sunnah, but not with regards grieving, its a sunnah for men in general.

PussinJimmyChoos Sun 11-Jan-09 21:45:33

THanks Fuzzy, that's what I thought. Not sure why he's grown it now...he's shaving it off next week...

I hate stubble rash!!!

ScottishMummy Sun 11-Jan-09 21:51:44

sorry about the bereavement.are you both ok

PussinJimmyChoos Sun 11-Jan-09 21:55:37

Scottish - thanks for asking. Dh isn't...haven't seen him yet as he was overseas - will see him tomorrow...bit nervous about seeing him tmw...never dealt with grief this close to me before

ScottishMummy Sun 11-Jan-09 21:58:17

so hard.i suppose just try support each other.dont punish yourself to be strong it will hurt a lot

ilovelovemydog Sun 11-Jan-09 22:00:21

Not sure, but in Judiasm (my cousins are Jewish) they don't do personal stuff for the period of mourning as it would be a distraction. For instance, mirrors are supposed to be covered as ones focus is on the dead, and in grieving, one shouldn't be concerned with one's appearance....

PussinJimmyChoos Sun 11-Jan-09 22:05:15

I find that really interesting...mm...can see that point re appearance...

Threadworm Sun 11-Jan-09 22:09:16

(sorry to hear about your MIL, Puss. It has been a very long ordeal for you and her and DH. Glad you will soon be seeing DH again.)

xxcinniexx Sun 11-Jan-09 23:12:17

i would like to point out that growing of the bard is not a sunnah but obligitary!the Prophet pbuh said, "cut your moustaches and allow your beards to grow" (sahih bukhari and muslim). Aisha the wife of the Prophet narrrated the Messenger of Allah mentioned ten qualities are from the fitra (natural disposition), one of them being, "...allowing the beard to grow...." (sahih muslim)
so sister these are commandments, not something that a man can decide on if he chooses, as Allah says in the quran, "...when Allah and His Messenger have decided something,it is not for any believing man or women, to have an opinion about it" (33-36)
as others have said, the growing of the beard for mourning purposes is not from the religion of Allah, rather a Bid'ah (innovation) as it is not something that the Prophet or his companions, or the rightous Caliphs,the taabieen, the rightous scholers, or any of the people of sunnah practised. and the prophet said concerning innovation in the deen of Allah, that all innovations are misguidence and all misguidance leads to the hell fire, and if any person invents a matter into the religion that the prophet did not come with, then it will be rejected on the Day of Resurrection. as Allah says in the Quran, "today i have perfected my religion for you.."
hope this helps xx

stitch Tue 13-Jan-09 10:13:09

how are you today puss? and your dh? hope things are not to bad.

sarah293 Tue 13-Jan-09 10:18:58

Message withdrawn

PussinJimmyChoos Tue 13-Jan-09 11:08:24

Thanks for asking - am liking the beard actually - its quite soft and I'm fascinated by it!! No stubble rash yet! lol lol

We are doing ok I think...I was very strong as did not want to set DH off but broke down when he gave me two necklaces of Mama's - one of which I remember her wearing a lot - it says Allah in Arabic and its lovely...I just opened the box and sobbed and sobbed, which set DH off...really hard..I can't believe she has gone and I'll never eat her lovely food again or have her tidy DS's eyebrows - she used to pull him towards her and gently smooth them into place - a small gesture but I loved it all the same sad

Arse...

ScottishMummy Tue 13-Jan-09 11:31:27

i honestly believe better out than in.do have a cry,do acknowledge those heartfelt emotions.no stiff upper lip.do talk,acknowledge,remember

so sad for you both

MIL tidied your ds eyebrows,that was lump in the throat reading.isntit amazing the wee genuine things people spontaneously do are so moving

sarah293 Tue 13-Jan-09 13:59:02

Message withdrawn

ilovelovemydog Tue 13-Jan-09 14:02:05

Puss - maybe when you aren't grieving, and as a tribute to your mil, start a thread with her recipes? smile

Deeeja Wed 14-Jan-09 03:04:56

Salaams Puss.
My understanding about the beard is that it is not fard (obligatory), it is sunnah in that it is something that is mubah (allowed), rather than mandoub (recommended). It is totally up to the man if he wishes to keep it or not.
If he wishes to keep it for mourning purposes that is up to him, but he should not claim it to be Sunnah, just something cultural that he wishes to practice.
Also it is a very grave thing to accuse someone of doing bid'ah, since that is a grave sin.
All those matters aside, I make dua for your mil to enter jannat-al-firdous, and that Allah(swt) forgives her of any sins and gives her maximum reward for all her deeds. I make dua for you and your family that this is a time of ease for you and that Allah(swt) help you with sabr, and rewards you for your efforts.
Deeja. (khadija)x

ninedragons Wed 14-Jan-09 05:57:22

I am very sorry to hear about your MIL, puss. You're very lucky to have had such a great woman in your life.

I lovemydog's idea is spectacular - I would LOVE to see that thread.

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