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a question to muslim mumsnetters. aibu?

(14 Posts)
stitch Sat 11-Oct-08 12:32:19

who should i be annoyed at. because i am very annoyed aboutthis
dh wants to cut down on the kids arabic lessons. credit crunch mixed withthe fact that he feels the teacher isnt moving them on fast enough. so he told ds to tell the teacher he wanted to speak to her after the lesson.
cue, her phoneing me in a panic, when ds passes on the message, saying she doenst speak to non mehram men. she also tells ds, 11, that speaking to men is sinful.

so dh now wwants me to speak to her. i dont want to for two reasons, one, i dont want to say what he wants tme to. but i am really annoyed at this womans attitude and dont wish to pander to her sillyness. if she is going to teach children, then she is going to have to speak to their parens about their progress. but i am quite furious about her telling ds it is sinful to speak to men.
aibu?

onager Sat 11-Oct-08 13:15:26

I'm not a muslim, but it seems to me that you now have several reasons to look for an alternate place to go for lessons.

Providing there is an alternative that means you won't need to have the awkward discussion about her slowness in teaching or her passing on her views on sin. You can just say you've decided to stop the lessons.

I'd be furious too btw.

Reallytired Sat 11-Oct-08 14:12:45

I am not a muslim, but do you think your children have learnt any arabic. How old are they and how long have they been learning.

My son is six years old and has been learning French for half an hour a week for one term. He knows his colours, the parts of the body in French, he can say "bonjour" and ask what someone's name is and say what his name and age is in French. However he can't hold a proper conservation. Although I suppose you would expect an 11 year old to learn faster. Does he have other exposure to arabic. It would be interesting to know how his knowledge of arabic compares with any langauges he is learning at school.

It seems a bit of an excuse not speaking to non mehram men. Surely she is allowed to provided she is wearing a headscraf or she could arrange a chaparone.

I am not surprised that your husband wants to sack her.

stitch Sat 11-Oct-08 20:27:01

exactly.
she will be chaperoned. she has her own kids arund her, as well as my kids. she can talk to him at the doorstep, with appropriate headscarves etc.
she just doesnt want to.

when the children first started, they were whizzing along. but they were also doing about three to four lessons a week with her. they have learnt the alphabet, with correct pronuciation, and the tashkeel, and are learning to put the letters together. but now that it is only once a week, its not often enough in that they havve forgotten the previous weeks stuff.
trouble is, there is no alternative.... and htey simply dont learn with me. and if i dont send them, then both mil, and dm, will be on my case.

PussinJimmyWhoooos Sat 11-Oct-08 22:55:25

Stitch - am Muslim and learning Arabic myself....weird seeing someone talking on here about tashkeel! lol

I personally think she is taking it too far regarding talking to na maharam (i.e not related by blood men) on the phone - the whole idea of the na maharam is to remove temptation so that affairs etc don't happen -hardly likely on the phone and if she is going down the route of teaching, she should be prepared to talk to men...I mean I'm deaf and my DH had to talk to my tutor (female) on the phone on my behalf to arrange the first lesson until I got her mobile no for texting and she is fine with it!

SHe is being ott tbh - its not Saudi fgs!

stitch Sun 12-Oct-08 08:35:57

thanks puss. thats the sort of advice i needed to hear. part of me was thinking i was the one being unreasonable.

needmorecoffee Sun 12-Oct-08 09:08:43

agree with Puss. She's using it as an excuse. How does she manage shopping or walking down the street?
How much are your Arabic lessons Puss? Was going to do some at the uni but its evening which is too hard with dd.
(bit of a hi-jack there!)

AMAZINWOMAN Sun 12-Oct-08 20:27:08

What about the Religious Discrimination Act?

That you can't treat users of services differently due to their religion? It seems like she is breaching it

ummadam Mon 13-Oct-08 15:33:49

salaams. YANBU and agree with puss.

I do respect and support her decision with respect to her own actions (although I do not agree with it). In the end it comes down to how you feel about a) her teaching your son her pov on this b) her as a teacher

if you are happy with her teaching (and it sounds like she is a good teacher) then would it really be too much trouble to compromise with her that you will speak to her rather than your husband and she will teach arabic rather than her interpretation of haya and adab. hmm

Once a week really isn't enough though unless you are doing their homework with them every day. I used to teach at a sunday school and it wasn't until about aged 3/14 when they could practice themselves that you could manage without the parents practicing with them daily - I know this can be very hard.

have you thought about advertising on the islamic events egroup for another teacher?

lune77 Thu 16-Oct-08 23:46:52

I find it very disturbing when people who are given the responsibilty of guidance concerning religion, distort the rules and focus on petty , less important things pulling away from the larger more important matters... the Quran says nothing about mehram ..na mehram.. only when it comes to the Hajj it is advised... why do people deviate from the Quran and focus on Hadith.. isn't Quran the word of God and Hadith the word of man.. so if people give Hadith more importance than the Quran then isn't that blasphemous!!!

BlueGreen Fri 17-Oct-08 13:10:23

" the Quran says nothing about mehram ..na mehram.. " ???

I suggest that you should read the Quran again then luna77.

ummadam Sat 18-Oct-08 11:32:04

Bluegreen - I know the Quran is quite explicit about describing who is mahram in surah Nisa but does it say anywhere that a woman needs a mahram as a chaparone or should not be alone with someone who is not her mahram?

I am not disputing the validity of the hadith that says that a woman should not travel for more than three days without a mahram and I apologise for my ignorance in this but I cannot remember reading anything else in the Quran about mahram. (I am not a scholar and am happy to be pointed in the direction of the information if I have understood it wrong.) Assalaamu alaikum and jazakhallahu khair.

littleducks Sat 18-Oct-08 11:46:19

did you not know her position on purdah when she was first teaching your children?

stitch Sat 18-Oct-08 12:24:38

she doesnt practice purdah.
she seems like quite an independant woman. never relying on her husband for naything she can do herself. the complete antithesis of people i have met in saudi who dont talk to men.

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