Faith in "someone watching over me" now gone..

[allgonebellyup]

i always used to feel there was someone watching over me, saving me every time i hit hard times, to pick me up and send me something great when i was extremely low. Now i have hit the hardest point of my life and i cant find any way forward. i feel like there is nobody looking out for me any more and i will never be happy again because i have lost all faith in anything.

Does anyone have any experience of this? i wouldnt say i am religious but i DID always believe i was being looked after. now i just feel lost.

[Roseylea]

AGBU, I don't know you or your circumstances, but I just wanted you to know that I've read this and really feel for you.

I know it's a bit of a cliche, but every time I go on a plane I'm always amazed - you board at Heathrow or wherever, and it's a drizzly grey morning, then you take off and sooner or later go through the clouds and there is pristine, beautiful blue sky. I believe that God is like that - always the same, always there, whatever the sky above our heads looks, and however we are feeling at the time. Another bit of a cliche but maybe the reason you can't sense someone watching over you is that He is holding you gently in His hands. I am a christian and I will pary for you, that this dark time turns brighter very quickly.

[purpleduck]

Has something happened?

Have you ever felt this way before, and have you come out of it?

That has happened to me many times, when I feel really lost. I have noticed that as soon as I mangage to do something about it myself, then all the support comes - a friend will call and say something particularily nice, or something will happen that lifts me. Its happened so often now that I know the drill- i get down, wallow for a bit, drag myself up, then good stuff seems to happen.

I do think we are being watched over, but I equate it to my own children. If I did everything for them, how would they learn? How would they grow. Sometimes its the kindest to let them find things out for themselves: those are the lessons that are really learned.

Hope that helps, and if all else fails, I'm thinking of you.

[allgonebellyup]

yes something has happened, split fom my dh in summer, then he told me he has got someone else pregnant so they are now having a baby together.. the thing is i didnt really even want to split from him in the first place, i just needed some time alone.

Weird though, the doorbell just went and it was my friend with a card for me! so that was lovely!

[ruty]

Faith comes and goes. It is impossible to have certainty over these things. You've had a rough time recently, go easy on yourself and let your friends be there for you. The way you feel may change, it may not, that's just the nature of faith! Look after yourself xx

[ruty]

that all sounds a bit glib doesn't it? Sorry if it does, hard to explain what I mean....

[savedbygrace]

Sounds like you have a hard time of it lately!

I have a few questions and I hope they help you to formulate ideas.

Who did you feel was "watching over you"?
Why were they doing it?

I'd recommend reading the Gospel of Mark, from the Bible. (it helped me)

love
Em

[allgonebellyup]

i dont know "who" i felt was watching over me..some god/angel/something male anyway.. i am not christian and not sure i believe in any part of any religion..

i feel like someone was always watching me as i have always been saved every time i was in trouble, i always met someone new just when i felt the loneliest, i used to pray that my abusive dad would die (when i was a child) then sure enough he died. Things have always come along just at the right time, it might be fate rather than someone watching me, i dont know?

[purpleduck]

Hi Bellyup, how you feeling today?

I think harder things happen when you are strong enough to deal with them...

Hope you are feeling a bit better

[ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands]

ALBU (((hugs))) There is "someone" watching over you I promise (hope that doesn't sound patronising or pressing religion on you either.. I have too many questions about that myself to press it on anyone).. just that you don't have to always be aware of it for it to be true.

Would it help for you to visualise being carried at the moment? You may not feel as if you are.. but you ARE getting through.. .."..this too shall pass".

Sure you've read it before, but have a read of Footprints.. and I hope you feel better soon. You're never ever alone xx

One night a man had a dream. He dreamed
he was walking along the beach with the LORD.

Across the sky flashed scenes from his life.
For each scene he noticed two sets of
footprints in the sand: one belonging
to him, and the other to the LORD.

When the last scene of his life flashed before him,
he looked back at the footprints in the sand.

He noticed that many times along the path of
his life there was only one set of footprints.

He also noticed that it happened at the very
lowest and saddest times in his life.

This really bothered him and he
questioned the LORD about it:

"LORD, you said that once I decided to follow
you, you'd walk with me all the way.
But I have noticed that during the most
troublesome times in my life,
there is only one set of footprints.
I don't understand why when
I needed you most you would leave me."

The LORD replied:

"My son, my precious child,
I love you and I would never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering,
when you see only one set of footprints,
it was then that I carried you."

[ruty]

Sorry to break it to you, but about God, she's black.

[ShinyHappyPeopleHoldingHands]

And? I don't think BellyUp specified the colour of the person to watch over her, so I'm sure that'll do nicely

[allgonebellyup]

thanks, i love that poem, even though im not christian..
and yes my god/angel/fate arranger might be black!!

[ruty]

of course, sorry, i was really referring to allgonebellyup's idea of someone watching over her being male. I was being tongue in cheek, sorry if wrong time to say it.

[allgonebellyup]

i just always thought it was male, since i was tiny, but i could easily be wrong!

And fwiw i am a total feminist!!!!!!

[ruty]

[purpleduck]

hey bellyup -
How's it going?

[MaryBS]

Purpleduck has it spot on for me. Many times I have felt alone, but it was knowing that I wasn't alone gave me strength to keep going. Like a kid riding a bike for the first time without stabilisers tells his parent not to let go, and of course they do, but by which time they're off on their own.

I'm struggling at the moment and I regularly feel a warm comforting presence enfolding me, enabling me to keep going when I'd rather give up, but knowing if I gave up I'd just crumble and fall apart. I believe this presence to be God, or someone God has sent to take care of me.

And on top of that, like you had a friend turn up, I've friends who've known what to say to me, even though I haven't said what it is I needed to hear.

{hugs}. May you feel watched over and cared for.

[allgonebellyup]

thank you

i just feel like life will never get any better, i will never be happy again because of all thats happened.
Sometimes i feel like im being cared for, other times i feel abandoned.

[marina]

My faith took a bad knock after our second child was prematurely stillborn allgonebellyup, as others have said, I think faith will be and has to be sorely tested by what life throws at us
I struggled to connect in terms of prayer, attending services or even being anywhere near a priest for some time
Words that helped me were definitely spoken by a white woman Juliana of Norwich, an anchoress in the Middle Ages. It's not known if she could write but thankfully someone did the job for her:
"He said not Thou shalt not be tempested, thou shalt not be travailed, thou shalt not be distressed; but He said, Thou shalt not be overcome".

[happyathome]

hug for you AGBU.
i understand because i've felt since my teens, that my dead grandad has been 'watching' over me(possibly all grandparents?!).
i was trying to TTC#2 before xmas,and each time i waited for results i kept thinking i saw 'signs'(my attetion being drawn to books/websites/tv programs e.t.c)-thought this was a sign i was pregnant.i wasn't and i get more despondant that 'angels' are nonsense.but then at xmas we went to visit his/grandma's double grave and just at that moment as we stood at grave,a double rainbow appeared and it had been such a grey rainy day,all day...it was just for those few seconds.i also saw a rainbow when i was waiting for my 'positive' pregnancy result.so my faith keeps getting restored.but i wonder if they are just letting us know they are there or whether they are trying to send a message,and if there is a message i want to know what it is,it's so frustrating!!
i didn't get pregnant and have now lost my broodiness,so i wonder if my 'grand design' is that i will have just one child?.
(oh yes,i keep finding a card/photo that grandad gave me,just at my lowest points too!!-weird)
anyway,become depressed lately and like you,i can't see the future,can't find a way foward,lost motivation in everything.also lost faith a bit....
but weirdly,i have been drawn to this thread now(not been on this topic for months) and then you have just posted now and it has become the top thread(after becoming 'old'.my computer lost it's connection oddly too as i was reading your post(doesn't happen often).
so i am going to be looking for little signs again!...i feel maybe i'm being watched again.
read a book lately that emphasises that there is a 'grand plan' for us all and that really we do not have control of it.each thing that is sent us is an opportunity to learn something and each experience happens,for our highest good.the author said we should repeat the mantra...IT IS ALL HAPPENING PERFECTLY,in other words there is a reason for everything,even for pain sometimes.(author had breast cancer years ago and overcame it and found positive experiences to even come out of that...she looks for the lessons in each experience and the positive).
i do repeat that mantra and feel much more peaceful,like it's not me that has to control my life totally and in the grand scheme of things,i may see why this part of my life was good for me....
do you know all that i have just written came very easily to me,and i wonder at my times of inspiration,whether that is my angels/god talking to me.when i get this dialogue in my head i write it down and when i read it,it sounds like it came from someone else not me!!.
i spent many hours sitting in total quiet thinking,and this is when this voice came into my head.some believe it is the 'better part'(higher self)of us talking and we should listen to it.i think feeling better,comes down to dampening all the negative thinking and trying to be be 'quiet' and see what you hear.yoga might help this/meditation.i have just inspired myself to try the yoga video i got from the charity shop.it's worth a go.
take care and i hope you feel better soon.
happyathome x

[happyathome]

wow marina,i was going to write that,but then forgot...yes it is good to remember that God wants to test us but he loves us too much to 'destroy us'.therfore we will be only sent things that we can overcome,even though they don't feel surmountable at the time...i think that's the same thing as what youv'e written isn't it?!
thanks for that

[happyathome]

another weird thing...one poster on here is called saved by grace...my grandma was called grace,therfore my grandad that i speak of liked the hymn amazing grace.i sometimes hear that hymn randomnly at my low points and i am a church organist(my grandad was the one who bought my first home organ as a child and encouraged my music)...i sometimes believe 'signs' come through music also.anyone else get this?

[purpleduck]

Hey bellyup, how you doing?

I used to believe in signs, and I do think they come if we need them, but that our wisdom, and judgement often developes as an internal sign IYSWIM

[happyathome]

yeh,your'e probably right purple..thanks

[purpleduck]

aw, happy, that sounded so forlorn!!! I didn't intend to rebuke you - i just meant that I used to need an external sign. Although i don't think I am any more wise, I feel that for me, looking outside myself is a distraction.