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Philosophy/religion

Godparents dilemma. How/why did you choose your dc's Godparents?

14 replies

Dontlookatmeimshy · 15/10/2007 21:29

We are hoping to get ds christened fairly soon but are having trouble thinking of/choosing Godparents. The obvious choices would be mine and dh's parents and/or brothers and sisters but they live along way away and only see ds 3-4 times a year. The same applies to all our old friends who we might have asked but we moved house a couple of years ago and although we talk on the phone, we rarely see each other.

So we are trying to think of other people but don't really feel we know anyone that well yet. (Doesn't help that dh and I are both pathetically shy).The vicar has told us to not to choose people just because they are our friends but to try and choose people who are likely to be ds's friend. There is one lady at church who ds seems to have adopted. He goes off and sits with her every week in the service and follows her around afterwards. I think he'd follow her home if he had the chance. We have wondered about asking her, but otoh we don't really know her very well.

So how did you pick your dc's Godparents?

OP posts:
poppysocks · 15/10/2007 23:45

We decided NOT to ask family as we felt that they would always have a connection/relationship with DD.

We chose friends with whom we both had a connection and thought would be a great godparent. This was based mainly on them as a person, but we did think about the religious aspect too, but in the broadest sense (which is what we believe in). Sadly a couple of my closest friends were vetoed by the vicar on account of not being the right brand of Christian, but fair enough.

We gave DD 4 godparents on the basis that not having a family connection, they are likely to be less interested at various times, according to their own lives. As it turns out, after the first year, the godfathers have been great, while the godmothers have been pre-occupied with their own weddings this year. I have no doubt that things will switch around. And back again....

3 of the 4 godparents live 500+ miles away, but I don't really think that makes the difference. I feel it's much more about someone who shares the same sort of view on life. TBH, the 3 who live further away make so much effort to see DD that they don't see her that much less than the one who lives 500 metres away!

Nettee · 16/10/2007 10:34

hard to find enough people who meet the criteria of being baptised. We chose friends and family who showed an interest in dc, we feel would set a good example and who we see reasonably often and doubt that we will loose touch with.

CappuScreamO · 16/10/2007 10:35

the friends of ours who knew our kids best and had a strong faith in God

GooseyLoosey · 16/10/2007 10:40

We chose people who we thought would be happy to be part of the dcs' extended family as our families are very small.

The choices which did not really work were younger people who were friends of ours. The most fantastic choice was my mother's best friend who I do not know particularly well but knew was the sort of person I would be happy to have in my children's lives. She is brilliant.

Are there any older family friends you could pick?

Heathcliffscathy · 16/10/2007 10:42

we chose people that we loved dearly and felt wanted to be in our ds's and our own lives forever in an extension of our family. We chose people that we thought would be great people for ds to turn to when he finds no comfort with us (perhaps in his teens when he hates us!). We chose people that were deeply spiritual and could offer ds guidance on that part of his life.

how far or near they lived was neither here nor there.

we didn't choose family because they are already family!!!

Nip · 16/10/2007 10:47

We chose close friends that we felt would care about our DS as much as we did.

1 man - DH's best friend
1 man - my best mate from many years ago and now DH & I best mate
1 woman - old friend that we have known for many years but since having DS have got closer and she would do anything for us (and vice versa!)

There were 2 of my friends that both got upset because we didnt ask them, but i didnt feel comfortable with it (since then one doesnt talk to me but hey ho)

wheelybug · 16/10/2007 10:56

We didn't choose family because they already had a connection to dd. We chose very close friends - a couple who are mutual friends (we met through them) and live quite near us so we see a lot and a friend of mine from university who has just moved nearby. The 3 are a great choice - they take a lot of interest in dd and she is quite clos to them already at 2.8.

jabberwocky · 16/10/2007 11:03

We chose my nephew and his wife. I think if you can choose family, that is best as they are still connected IYKWIM. Having said that, I recently advised just the opposite to a friend of mine as she really wanted to pick dear friends but felt obligated to choose family. So, I guess what I mean is that if you have family that you do feel would do great at it, that is best, imho.

I had a bit of trouble deciding between two of my nephews at first. Both would be great and love my boys to bits,but I went with the one that I thought was more like me and would raise them with ideals that are more like mine, especially involving religion and life philosophy. I really don't think the fact that you only see them 3 - 4 times a year plays a huge part. That is probably the most that we see family members. They still manage to be a big part of our lives even at long distance.

alycat · 16/10/2007 11:08

We chose an old family friend of my DH's, who had become my friend also. He was 60ish when we chose him as our DD sadly has no grandfather (and only 1 GM) so we wanted her to have a grandfatherly influence in her life. He is also a well travelled, interesting partical physicist/achademic/scholar so able to help with tricky homework! Has no children and at the time had not married. Has since found a long term/live in partner and she embraces the DC's equally.

We chose an old friend of DH/mine who is a woman in her 40's single, fab career/life/house and very independent from a close family with no (at the time) nieces/nephews etc (have now though) and as she loves kids she wanted to spend lots of time with DD.

We also chose DH's best frind (from age 7)wife, she is scandinavian and has worked and lived all over. So, as I'm a sahm, we thought having strong career women for godmother's would give a different example.

MrsPuddleduck · 16/10/2007 11:21

I would't Choose friends as there is always a risk you will lose touch with them.

kindersurprise · 16/10/2007 11:46

We chose my brother for DD as he I am very close to him and we wanted her to have someone fun, but responsible. At the time he was single, now he has a girlfriend who has a son. We all get on well together, they have asked me to be bridesmaid when they get married and DD is to be a flowergirl.

We did not chose SIL for DS, she told us that it was her turn to be a godmother and DH could not face telling her that we wanted someone else. To be fair, she is a good godmother and is interested in what DD is doing, but it would have been nice if we had done the asking.

We live 400km away from SIL and my brother lives in Scotland (we are in Germany). I do not think that distance is a problem, with cheap flights and email/webcam it is easy to keep in touch.

olivo · 17/10/2007 10:09

we are in the middle of the same dilemma, dontlook. very few of our friends are churchgoers and we didnt want the role of godparents confused with the role of legal guardians( my brother in law and his wife).
we have decided to have my FIL and my mum, as well as a very old friend of mine as i also wanted someone who knew me as me pre-dh (does that sound wierd?!?). they all have a strong faith and even though my friend wont be able to be there for the actual baptism ,I know she'll always be there for my dd, as will her children.
it was also hard as we dont want a full on christening with a 'do' - my family dont live here (we're not in uK), dh's do - we've basically left it up to them if they want to come, as it'll be part of a normal sunday service, with no 'do' afterwards.

lemonaid · 17/10/2007 10:14

A godchild perspective on the friends vs. family point -- my brother got friends of my parents who went out of their way to take a particular interest in him specifically as an individual. I got my uncle, who as a relation was more-or-less duty bound to take an equal interest in all of his nieces and nephews rather than show favouritism. This rankled throughout my childhood as I could see the great relationship my brother had with his godparents and felt I'd been shortchanged somehow.

muppetgirl · 17/10/2007 10:29

We also chose 4 for our ds.

My dh's best man -he was christened and confirmed.
Fantastic man who has remembered birthday's/ christmas and even the actual date of ds's christening all without the aid of a woman.

My b/f - christened and confirmed
Amazing lady, takes huge interest in ds's life as above with best man. Would have ds + baby brother to be born should anything happen to us.

dh's sister - not either but has ms and is not going to have children so we thought she would appreciated being given a special role in ds's life. Vicar was very understanding although we understood she didn't meet the criteria. Total waste of time as she never rings him shows him any interest.

My brother - Christened but not confirmed. A bit hit and miss with the contact but he does live in another country...

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