Pauline Christianity is the teachings of Paul, specifically the letters he wrote.
I presume you have problems with what he had to say on women? If so, you're not the only one, and I'm training as a minister! Tom Wright, Bishop of Durham addresses the subject of women in ministry in one of his lectures, available online, if you're interested...
As for being punished for what our forebears did, Jesus died for our sins, "once for all", and took our punishment on himself. Disability is NOT a punishment from God!
I hope you don't think this poem is a bit trite, given your circumstances, but I gain a great deal of comfort from it. I am struggling with my son being diagnosed with Asperger's and the problems he is encountering at school because of it, and at home when I try to help him do his homework.
Sometime ago, I turned away from God because of various things that had happened to me, that I didn't understand. I made a vow recently, that no matter what happened, I'd never do that again, even though I don't understand why things happen. It isn't easy, God knows!
I asked God to take away my pain.
God said, No.
It is not for me to take away, but for you to give it up.
I asked God to make my handicapped child whole.
God said, No.
Her spirit was whole, her body was only temporary.
I asked God to grant me patience.
God said, No.
Patience is a by-product of tribulations, it isn't granted, it is earned.
I asked God to give me happiness.
God said, No.
I give you blessings, Happiness is up to you.
I asked God to spare me pain.
God said, No.
Suffering draws you apart from worldly cares and brings you closer to me.
I asked God to make my spirit grow.
God said, No.
You must grow on your own, but I will prune you to make you fruitful.
I asked for all things that I might enjoy life.
God said, No.
I will give you life so that you may enjoy all things.
I ask God to help me LOVE others, as much as he loves me.
God said... Ahhhh, finally you have the idea!