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Philosophy/religion

Christening.

17 replies

scurrymurry · 12/10/2007 13:17

I would like to get my 2 children christened. Neither my husband or myself were christened. We do not attend our local church and have never been there. we do, however, believe in God and consider ourselves christians. We were married at the church that I used to attend when I went to school. I have since moved from that area.

What I basically want to know is will the fact that I do not go to church, and the fact that my husband and I have not been christened, effect the chances of my children being allowed to be christened?

I have not contacted my local church yet. Just wanted to get your opinions first. Anyone got any experience of this sort of thing?

OP posts:
claricebeansmum · 12/10/2007 13:19

No - I think they are happy to take anyone TBH!

If you and Dh believe in God and consider yourselves Christians then why don't you ask to all be Christened?

claricebeansmum · 12/10/2007 13:20

No - I think they are happy to take anyone TBH!

If you and Dh believe in God and consider yourselves Christians then why don't you ask to all be Christened?

scurrymurry · 12/10/2007 13:25

I was actually thinking about that, but just feel a little apprehensive about going to church. Perhaps fearing a frosty reception as we do not go every Sunday?

OP posts:
HardUpForHardOn · 12/10/2007 13:28

It wouldn't be very Christian of them to exclude you just because you don't go every week! I'm sure they'd be delighted to welcome new members to their congregation.

Why not find out if they have a special family service (ours does once a month) and pop along to the next one of those?

newgirl · 12/10/2007 13:33

our local cathedral is quite fussy about who goes for christenings and weddings but the smaller churches are more welcoming

if it is a church connected to a school they may be suspicious!!

procrastinatingparent · 12/10/2007 13:34

Hi scurrymurry, I'm the wife of a church minister, and I just want to encourage you to visit the church and chat to the person in charge about what you are thinking.

The vast majority of churches are thrilled to have visitors checking them out, and would be happy to explain what their particular policy is. It does vary from church to church and by denomination.

Many C of E churches will baptise your children if you live in the parish, some will ask you to talk to the minister or do a short course beforehand to make sure you understand what you are promising on the child's behalf. Other churches will offer you a dedication or thanksgiving or blessing service which is not a baptism or christening as their is no water involved but does involve thanking God for the child and commissioning godparents if you would like them. We are a baptist church and only baptise adults who are old enough to understand what they are doing, but last Sunday we had a thanksgiving service for DS3 with family and godparents - it was great.

You might want to check out whether the church has a creche or a Sunday School as that might indicate that the church is more child-friendly and that there are other parents around.

Happy to answer any further questions!

scurrymurry · 12/10/2007 13:34

no, its nothing to do with a school - but can understand why they may be suspicious if it was

OP posts:
bobsmum · 12/10/2007 13:36

What denomination os your local church? Tbh it'll depend on the leadership there. Some churches are funny about rules and regulations, but hopefully your local church leader is a Christian and will be very accommodating and welcoming

Personally I'm a Christian and very uncomfortable about the idea of infant baptism. I'm hoping that if my children find faith then they'll make that decision themsleves when they're older - it's not for me to decide.

So we opted for a dedication service for our two. I don't know any committed Christians who have had a christening recently - just non church goers.

Other options if you do want a Christian element would be a thanksgiving or a blessing service - they've been popular amongst Christian friends of ours.

Agree that popping into to a sunday service is the best way to get the lie of the land. There might be an alpha course or similar on offer which would be worth getting involved in?

All the best and have a lovely, special day whatever you decide to do

bobsmum · 12/10/2007 13:38

x posted PP I go to a Baptist church too.

scurrymurry · 12/10/2007 13:48

thanks procrastinatingparent. Baptist churches sound lovely. Will check out my local church more thoroughly.

I think its a good idea that your church only baptises adults who know what they want. I never though about it that way? I just know that I always wished that I was christened as a child, and I don't want my children to grow up wishing that. It has never occured to me to get christened as an adult...

OP posts:
procrastinatingparent · 12/10/2007 14:52

scurrymurry

I think it's great to have a special day for your kids - family, bit of a party, special clothes, perhaps a cake - and be grateful to God that you have them, and give them a connection with a church and the church family (ie the people who go there) that they may wish to take up in the future. If that's the sort of thing you want then some kind of thanksgiving service sounds like your sort of thing. And you can do the godparent thing or not if you wish.

A baptism or christening service is a bit more a commitment in terms of the promises that you make for yourselves and your children, which is why we only baptise adults who have decided for themselves. You may want to ask your local vicar/minister for a copy of the promises to look over to decide if that is for you.

But do go to church to check it out - I hope you get a warm welcome. If you are not so keen on your local one, tell me roughly where you live and I might be able to point you in the direction of something child-friendly (and adult-friendly for that matter!). All the best!

bobsmum - nice to meet another baptist girl!!

harrisey · 15/10/2007 06:56

I'd agree with most of this (also a baptist!- and quite recently too - though I've been a CHristian since I was 16 my dh and I had alway gone to churches where infant baptism was the norm until last year and we were both baptised (and our children dedicated) in March)

Have you made a decision not to atend your local church, or have you just never got round to it? I would make an efort to go a few times before I approached the minister about baptisms, I wouldnt want to be seen as coming just to get the ceremony, IYSWIM?

If it is a CofE, then you might find that the minister is happy to baptise infants, or have a dedication. But you might find he/she wont do a dedication - some Anglican ministers (well, some of ALL ministers!) are very traditional and wedded to the idea of Infant baptism or none at all (used to be Anglican myself - our ministers refusal to dedicate rather than baptise our children was very hurtful).

I wouldn't think you not being baptised would be an issue, and I love the idea of you all being done together!

You say you always wished you had been christened as a child. I had the totally opposite experience - from when I came to know Jesus for myself I wished I hadn't been! I struggled for years, feeling that I wanted to be baptised but couldn't be as I had already been 'done' as an infant. I gradually came to understand that my infant baptism really meant nothing, especially as my parents aren't Christians, and that putting myself forward for adult baptism was the right way to go - and it was a very powerful and moving experience (our church does full immersion!) for both dh and I.

Wow, as usual I have wittered on. Just my experience.

ScaryScienceT · 15/10/2007 07:03

We have lots of non-attenders bring their children for baptism. CofE churches have a duty to minister to everyone living in their parish, so do not really turn anyone away from baptism. It's usual to go on a course before the baptism, so that you can learn more about the Christian faith, and the promises you are to make.

MaryBS · 15/10/2007 07:20

I can sympathise about worrying about getting a frosty reception, and it stopped me going to church for years, although I wanted to. I started to go to my C of E church when I' just had my second child (first was 2). I had the two of them baptised together. The church we ent to was friendly, in a non-threatening sort of way, and I was happy worshipping in a non-demanding atmosphere.

Then when we moved house and I found a church I liked (still worried about my initial reception, but needn't have been), I really felt I was "coming home". As I was already baptised and confirmed, but a different denomination, I was "received" into the church in a ceremony shared by the people there, which was fantastic!

I too had been baptised as a baby, and have never regretted that. In the C of E, many adults who haven't been baptised are baptised and confirmed at the same time, together with other adults who have been baptised but want to be confirmed, so it feels very welcoming.

If you go to his website:

[http://www.acny.org.uk]]

It'll tell you your nearest C of E church and possibly a bit about it.

As ever, I'm happy to answer questions, either here, or privately if it'll help...
(sutton mb "at" talktalk "dot" net)

MaryBS · 15/10/2007 07:21

Try that link again...

www.acny.org.uk

scurrymurry · 15/10/2007 13:37

Thanks for your help and advice everyone. Really interestign to read. Will check everything out asap

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Notquitegrownup · 15/10/2007 18:28

Hi SM

I think it is lovely that you are looking into this. Can we pray for you and your family as you go to find out?

Just a word of warning. Our lovely, very welcoming CofE vicar, who is very gentle and welcoming in all of his services, said that he could not allow us to have a godfather who hadn't been baptised! And I think that he is on the lenient side of the church. Just warning you then, that you may be invited to consider being baptised as a family if you want to go ahead by some priests/vicars. (Didn't want you to be caught unawares and shocked if anyone says 'no' to you.)

Do hope that you find a lovely welcoming church for you all. God bless.

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