This is quite a long story so I'll just include the important bits..
Firstly I'm 20, have a DH of 2.5yrs and DD who is 9months old. When I was 17 I converted to Islam having been brought up with no real religion or concept of spirituality. I wasn't however as enthusiastic as I ought to have been, and I have never really felt it in my heart, although I do believe in God. I feel i have never really connected with Islam the way i wanted to, and as i am not a spiritual person at all i find it hard to talk about my feelings towards God and the Hereafter and such.
At the time of my conversion my twin sister had just converted so i was probably influenced by that, although she has just recently split from her muslim bf (although they were married in islam) and has stopped wearing hijab/being a muslim at all. It has been a long time since i prayed as i have no motivation. Im finding myself thinking of all the freedom i would have if i didnt wear hijab, like going swimming or just enjoying the sunshine, as i currently dread the summer and cant stand the heat, etc etc.
We dont really socalise with other muslims at the moment so i dont see many good muslimah role models, although i also dont really want to IYSWIM. I just feel like a failure in that if i stop wearing hijab all my friends and family will question my integrity, and other muslims wouldn't take me seriously when interacting with them. But at the same time i feel like such a fraud and a fake when i put it on each day, as on the outside i look muslim but inside.. well inside is very confused .
Well done anyone who read all that!
I am so confused and dont know what to do
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Losing my faith? Or was it never there to start with...?
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ConfusedAboutEverything · 22/06/2007 00:32
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