Comment from trainee priest.... does not sit easy with me.

[shadypines]

Close rel training for 'the cloth', well into training, witnesses (driving in vicinity) a local person in our town threatening suicide from a bridge causing road to be at a standstill. Rel later sounds annoyed and makes a really bad taste 'joke' 'why didn't they go to such and such a place instead, would have been more successful...' and absolutely no sympathy shown whatsoever. It doesn't sit easy with me that they made it to ordination to be honest!

[Jason118]

Quite tame compared to some priests behaviour.

[Namechangeforthiscancershit]

Lots of professions have a culture of dark humour, most of all ones that come into contact with death a lot. So while I know precisely zero priests, I’m not surprised at all.

I think there’s a theory that it helps them avoid compassion fatigue or some such.

[Vitalogy]

Have you got a good overall picture of his humour OP?

As Namechangeforthiscancershit said, working with death and dying, medical staff, funeral directors etc can have this gallows humour.

[speakout]

Seems about right to me.

A few years ago our local priest reversed hard into my car in a car park. I thought he would step out and resolve the issue but instead he drove off. to his house- next to the chapel, just across the road from where we had been parked.
I followed on foot, saw him go into his house so rang the doorbell.
He answered and it was apparent he was quite worse the wear with alcohol.
I started to talk about what had just happened- he said "Fuck off!" and slammed the door in my face.

Nice

[Lizzy1980]

Speakout, it wasn't Jack from Father Ted was it?

[thegreenheartofmanyroundabouts]

As a priest my guess is that the OPs relative is beginning to get his head around the stress that ordination brings and has misjudged the humour. Priests spend a lot of time around death. I've done funerals for babies and toddlers. I've done murder funerals. Most weeks I'm sitting with the bereaved or the terminally ill listening to their stories. I saw my first dead body a couple of weeks after ordination and I've seen a lot more since. One way of dealing with the tragedy and just sheer awfulness is humour. It can be dark and silly and at times probably inappropriate but it is only shared with fellow priests, undertakers and police. It is a coping mechanism and I'm not laughing at anyone but at the strange things that happen at the edge of life and death. In my case I learnt that I could either laugh or cry and crying made me useless at doing my job and being there for people. The close family of clergy probably get the stress but wider family often don't. I don't think my sisters in law have forgiven me for not crying at their mother's funeral, but I don't cry at funerals and I was the one who held her hand as she died as they were too freaked out.

All clergy make mistakes. We are put on pedestals and pulled off them. Some of our number have done awful things and some are arrogant entitled nobs. The vast majority are doing the best they can. So maybe cut the newbie not yet clergy some slack and find out how he is and how he is coping. He is going to need people who get that clergy life is a bit odd. It is buy a priest a beer day on the 8th September so maybe use that as an excuse to get to know him a bit better.

[Namechangeforthiscancershit]

Speakout, it wasn't Jack from Father Ted was it?

I wondered this!

[speakout]

He was exactly like Father Ted!!

I was too shocked to answer.

[Bechetdiagnosed]

thegreenheartofmanyroundabouts

Well said and you have written exactly my own thoughts on this.

[Racecardriver]

But suicide is a sin OP. Why should he have any sympathy? Is it actually still a si though? Does anyone know?

[shadypines]

But suicide is a sin OP That's for another thread and I'm not wanting to judge that....

I get what people are saying about dark humour as a coping mechanism, totally get it if you are actually in the thick of it. God knows I've been there too in my job worked closely with the police with shootings, stabbing victims overdoses etc etc but I'm talking here as a Joe Public bystander. But in this instance he was simply driving past the situation trying to get somewhere else and seemed annoyed about the inconvenience. My thought was ' I really really hope you are never desperate enough to want to end it all'

[thegreenheartofmanyroundabouts]

If you are concerned enough then get in contact with his college and ask to speak to his pastoral tutor. Think of it as a safeguarding issue and report.

[headinhands]

and absolutely no sympathy shown whatsoever. It doesn't sit easy with me that they made it to ordination to be honest!

I guess this interaction has merely unearthed a false belief you held, that people who who work in the church are kinder/morally superior. They're just like us mortals.