I'm not sure if this is the right place to post because it's about a few different topics:
I'm a bit mixed up about my faith, sex and relationships and I don't know how to untangle it and would appreciate some advice.
I had a very religious upbringing, I still go to church, but have been absolutely full of doubt for years. Honestly can't say if I believe in God anymore, but would love to get back what I once had so keep trying different things.
I'm also divorced, in a religion that's not ok with divorce/remarriage. Excellent.
But I am struggling with the thought of never having sex or a relationship again. Mainly the sex part, tbh. Masturbation also a sin in my religion so I alternate between frustration and shame about that.
Complication is that I experienced sexual abuse in childhood and then also in my marriage (which was abusive in several ways, hence the divorce). So a fair bit of shame and trauma around sex and I don't trust my instincts about it.
I'm questioning whether I ever really had a real faith, or whether the religion was simply useful to me because it allowed me to not have sex until I got married, and to marry someone who respected my bodily autonomy (not so successful on the latter). And has been a similar safety barrier against sex/relationships for the years since my divorce. So am I trying to recapture something that was never really there? Or am I just questioning my faith because I'm now so frustrated I can't even see straight and I want to be able to get out of all the rules?
I'm a bit stuck. It feels like I need to either explore my faith with more energy or start thinking about dating, but can't do both because of the rules about sex/divorce/remarriage. I'm not asking which I should do; rather how to approach thinking about this.
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20 replies
hrrap · 20/05/2018 23:26
OP posts:
GoldenEvilHoor ·
23/05/2018 12:27
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