Feeling abandoned by God

[Kettlepotblack]

I'm not a Christian, and have major issues with religion, however I do pray and believe in a higher power.

I have been praying that God will help me with something for coming on five years now. If God won't help me, I have asked if I can be helped to deal with it and let it go.
I can't go into the issue as it is so complicated.

Nothing. If anything things are worse.

When do you stop praying and how do you let go and accept a situation when your mind won't let you? When the hurt is so deep and painful? I also know that forgiveness is the answer but this is so so hard. I have asked for help forgiving too. Been on my knees crying with despair...but I'm just met with an empty silence.

I feel abandoned by God...

[Vitalogy]

Sorry you're feeling so low.

I don't believe we can be abandoned by something that we are. Uncovering all the layers to get to it that's the challenge.

I like this quote: Nothing will change until the fear of change is outweighed by the pain of staying the same.

A couple of options, let this experience change you for the better or for the worse, it's up to you to decide.

[PutTheChocEggDown]

Can you give any kind of details? It doesn't have to be very personal but it would help. I am very keen on ritual for letting go of things. If we had an idea of what it is it would be easier to help.

[daffodildelight]

Kettle I am very sorry to hear what an awful time you are having. You sound so low. I am sending you virtual hugs.
I am a Christian so my answer will obviously be from that pint of view.
I am sure God has not abandoned you. Have you read the Footsteps poem?
www.onlythebible.com/Poems/Footprints-in-the-Sand-Poem.html

I have had unanswered prayers (some answered many years later and some answered in a different way to what I wanted). I don't understand why but I am sure God does and he has got all of eternity to make it up to me. I think God sees our time on earth in a different perspective to us. We only see one piece of the jigsaw of life. He sees the whole picture.

[WiseOldElfIsNick]

Having faith or religion can actually prevent you from being able to cope with difficult situations. Not only might you be going through a tough time, but on top of that, the power you thought would be there to help you doesn't appear to be listening.

I'm sure you are a strong, confident individual. You need to tackle your situation yourself. I'm afraid the solution isn't going to be handed to you by a higher power. Without knowing more details I can't help further, but step one is to accept that prayer is not helpful and doesn't produce results any better than chance (worse in some cases).

[Kettlepotblack]

Thanks everyone. I'm actually ok, I'm not as down as I've made myself sound day to day. It has definitely got a lot easier over the years but sometimes the frustration hits me and I just want it sorted. Closure.

I would give details but honestly it is so complicated, it would take me hours and pages to write the whole thing. If I shortened it I would get replies where things would be suggested or pointed out that have already been tried. I will say it's a in-law family issue and betrayal from my husband.

I guess my question is more about how to let go and stop praying. I have thought that perhaps the first step is to stop believing prayer will work. I think that's my only option now...

[TheIsland]

I believe that God helps us, and speaks to us in many different ways, and some are corporate worship through other people and through the bible. Could you try that?

[Vitalogy]

OP, have you ever read or listened to the likes of Eckhart Tolle, he has some good techniques/ways of coping with all sorts, forgiveness and over thinking being a couple.

[Kettlepotblack]

Thanks Vitology have heard of him, will take a look x

[thegreenheartofmanyroundabouts]

I've been wondering how to reply as what I say comes from the Christian perspective which the OP has rejected. Given the update from the OP it might be worth looking at the forgiveness project which has resources and stories for people of all faiths and none. Secular mindfulness has its religious foundations stripped out so that might be another avenue to explore. It doesn't change the cause beut is about the response to whatever is causing anxiety or distress.

As someone who studies and practices prayer my observation on the very brief context that the OP has given is that the prayer that someone has/ does can reflect their image of God. If prayer is about getting God to sort something out then it may be that this is an image of God as the parent who is going to sort everything out. One of the truths of ageing in a physical sense and spiritual sense is to realise that the his doesn't happen and prayer changes. Richard Rohr has written a book called Falling Upwards which is about the second half of life and how prayer changes as we get older. It comes from the Christian tradition but there is a lot of wisdom there that might help OP.

[Kettlepotblack]

Thanks thegreenheart. As explained I do have issues with Christian ideology and religion generally, but I am open to any suggestions.

I don't expect God to sort it out as such, just help coping, dealing with it, giving strength and guidance that leads to closure - that may not be tying everything up in a nice bow, I know that doesn't always happen. I just need help with acceptance and forgiveness. It's interesting what you say about the image of God, I will ponder this. Thank you x

[Whyareyoudoingthat]

Hello OP. I am also not from a Christian background and my experience is that faith/prayer has helped me to cope with difficult situations - in my case a child with significant health issues. Although my problems weren't solved I felt stronger with prayer and happier, not so mired in worry.

No that tends to be how I try to approach big problems in life... prayer, love, acceptance and happiness.

Things happen. We can't control life. But hopefully we can reach a place where we can control our reactions to events and emotions. I wish you the best.

[Kettlepotblack]

How does one come to a place of acceptance without frustration and worry about the future rearing it's ugly head every so often?

[PutTheChocEggDown]

Frustration and worry will always rear their heads from time to time but that's an acceptable level of suffering. When we are constantly frustrated or worried then something needs to change, be it internally in our thought processes and feelings, or externally if we actually need to change our material circumstances.

[ReallyExhaustedLlama]

One thing that comes to mind is that often sharing and talking about issues helps us process them and praying is very much keeping the issue in your own head. It sounds like you aren’t interested in organises religion but perhaps that means you are missing out on the support from a community/shared experiences with others in a group and the help that can provide in coming to terms with it. Is there anywhere you are getting g that support (from somewhere a bit less involved than other family members?)

[Catinabeanbag]

'How does one come to a place of acceptance without frustration and worry about the future rearing it's ugly head every so often?'

In my (limited) experience, by taking the issue back to God, again and again and again. It's not always a 'pray once and we can do it' situation. Often, if it's things we struggle with, we have to keep returning the situation to God, keep putting it back in his hands and practice letting it go as we also pray about being able to let it go. It's almost like asking for help with (for example) walking while we take our first steps.

It's hard though, and can feel like we've been abandoned, which sucks big time. Perhaps it's about praying for help with the frustration and worry, rather than coming to a place of acceptance. It might not be that getting to a place of acceptance will eradicate the frustration and worry, but that trying not to worry or be frustrated will lead to the acceptance (if that makes any sense....).

[Whyareyoudoingthat]

For me acceptance has been to accept the situation and take it from there. Sometimes I feel as if I have 'handed over' the worrying/problem (to the creator /the universe/whatever). So that allows me some head space where I can get on with life, some breathing room almost.

I also have to stop thinking that 'this isn't right'... it's not about the rights / wrongs of a situation. It just is.