Christian interpretations of divorce

[bathsh3ba]

I am fairly newly Christian. My husband is an atheist. We have been separated 3 years now after 10 years married. Lots of factors led to the breakup. He was controlling about food and housework to the point that I would say he was emotionally abusive about it. But it was restricted to the house, he never curtailed my freedom to go out, work, see friends and he was never physically violent. Post break up he was diagnosed with Aspergers. He was unfaithful several times. I retaliated by being unfaithful once. It all got very unhealthy and I left. We now get on ok and co-parent our kids while living apart but I can't see how we could live together happily ever again.

I started divorce proceedings and we are part way through.

I am now having a crisis of conscience about whether I am doing the right thing as a Christian. The Bible, as far as I can understand, says God hates divorce but it is allowed in some circumstances such as repeated 'immorality' or if a non-Christian partner leaves.

Can someone who understands the Bible better than me please explain?

[educatingarti]

Bathsh3ba.
Wow - a really tricky question and one that Christians who have studied the Bible for years still struggle with.Your summary is a position that many Christians would take.

I'd say two things. Firstly, keep talking to Jesus about it ( and other things too). Don't let your fear of what may or may not "be allowed" ruin your confidence in approaching him and asking for help and wisdom or make you start wondering if you are less loved or accepted.
Secondly, see if there is someone in real life that you can talk this through with - ideally a mature Christian who also understands abuse and control issues.
See if there are any Christian counsellors who would be able to help you in a non-judgemental way or someone at your Church who has training or experience in this area.

[thegreenheartofmanyroundabouts]

As in many areas there are differences of opinion on divorce within Christianity. I'm C of E and there is a recognition that divorce is sometimes a necessary response to a difficult situation. Divorcees can remarry in church in some circumstances. Prince Harry is doing that next month!

Is there someone in your church you could talk to in confidence?

[Jason118]

It seems like your looking for absolution from Mumsnet. If you believe the religion you follow, then you abide by their rules. Or you change to a different version of the religion to get what you want (it's why there are so many different varieties to choose from). Most Christians these day pick and choose the biblical bits they feel most comfortable with. Sorry if this seems blunt but you did ask the question. Good luck

[bathsh3ba]

Thank you for the replies. My vicar is coming to do a house blessing next week, maybe I can speak to her about it then.

[OutwiththeOutCrowd]

I’m not a Christian but from what I understand Jesus was more concerned about the spirit of the law than the letter of the law, putting human comfort before strict observance.

There’s a saying of his, ‘The sabbath was made for man, and not man for the sabbath’ which seems to capture this idea.

With all that in mind, I don’t think it’s necessary to obey biblical commands if they are going to break you.

What does your DH think? Would he halt the divorce process if he could? Do your children seem more settled with your current setup?

[bathsh3ba]

I don't really know how my husband feels to be honest but he hasn't opposed divorce. He doesn't accept any responsibility, even shared, for the marriage breaking down. The children are now settled. It took a while, the school made a referral to SS shortly before we separated as they were both so anxious. SS said it didn't meet their threshold but it was still a scary time. Finally they are happy and relaxed again and they see their dad and things are okay. I feel the separation must have been right but then I question myself as to whether I am choosing what I want to believe.

[Vitalogy]

OP, do what you feel is right, your instinct. To be at one with God doesn't require a religion if you don't want to. That my opinion though.