How much do you donate to your church?

[IrritableBitchSyndrome]

So, apparently, our church would like 5% of our income. I want to use the money to overpay on our huge mortgage so that I don't have to work until I'm 72. My husband wants to give them the 5%. What level of donation do other church goers with young families make?

[Possumfish]

Just a few quid each week in the collection plate....more if we can afford it. I give my time to help fundraise too

[speakout]

My elderly mother gives 10% of her state pension.

[NorthernLurker]

Is this a non conformist church? It's normal to give significantly yes. If you have the money to 'over' pay then it is obviously discretionary money. You don't need it to keep a roof over your heads. I can see where your husband is coming from. How much do you want to give? Could you compromise on 5% of his income?

[user187656748]

OMG! 5% of your income. I bet they'd like it!

What type of church is this?

[whippswhapswound]

I left a (very affluent!) CofE Church that asked for a % when they topped it with an email guilt tripping ‘this is only equivalent to your daily coffee down the high street’. One it was the directness to use my email in that way, the other it showed how they had no grasp of the families like us who did not indulge in such luxuries like the well Off middle aged women who’d retired early on huge payouts.

For me, I love the new Church I found (which looking around doesn’t look poorer despite not mentioning money constantly)

[IrritableBitchSyndrome]

It's CofE, and is actually relaxed about money. I had to seek out a regular payment form. The form suggests 5%. We have a big mortgage as it took us ages to buy a house, don't have a car to keep costs down, have a big hole in pension saving, a small child and adult children with families... I suppose I just see the opportunity cost of that 5%. I'm doing my best to reduce our grocery bill to the minimum to try to overpay the mortgage and have a pension, my husband wants to give 5% of our income to the church. He may be morally right, but I feel a strong obligation to my children to achieve financial stability in order to be able to look after them and to fund ourselves in retirement. Argh!

[IrritableBitchSyndrome]

Whipswhapswound. Yeah. What daily coffee down the high street? The one I don't buy at the high street I don't visit whilst I drink tap water and try to avoid unnecessary shopping, perhaps? :)

[Pinkandpurplehairedlady]

I tithe 10% of my gross income. If I really can't afford it one month then I skip a month (for example December and January). I started off tithing 2% and then worked my way up from there as my income / financial commitments changed. Could you comprimise and pay 2.5% tithes and 2.5% towards your mortgage?

[Rylanmakesmyheartsmile]

We give 10% as a standing order and then give extra on top of that for particular causes - special advent offerings for example which go to a specific cause, or natural disaster relief or something similar.

We are far from well off and we have to budget weekly - there are no weekly coffees or treats here either. We have 4 DC, a large mortgage and 2 cars to run on one salary. However, we have always budgeted our giving to the church first, before anything else and then worked out what we can afford after that. (Including when deciding on big purchases like cars and houses)

[Nakedavenger74]

Utterly disgusting that one of the richest landowners expects you, trying to support a family, to contribute. No different to a lord of the manor expecting his workers to pay money to him.
Don't give them a penny. They have enough.

[IrritableBitchSyndrome]

NorthernLurker I would be happy with a fiver a week and a few pounds in extra collections for specific causes. We've only just joined the church so I don't feel all that settled in yet, and am still working out what I believe and whether I feel comfortable. 5% of his income is three quarters of 5% of our joint income as I took the career break, and stepped down a few rungs to get reduced hours to fit around our child. Hence the big pension hole for me (not him). He leaves me to manage all the flipping finances and I'm not sure he's being realistic. He says 'we won't miss it'. He won't, no, as he will just carry on buying whatever takes his fancy. I will miss it, as it's equivalent to all our grocery shop and fuel bills :( Sigh.

[IrritableBitchSyndrome]

I do have small standing orders for a few charities, and volunteer for a local charity, and donate to homeless people etc etc. I feel very mean to not want to give more at church, but that's how I feel :/

[BrazzleDazzleDay]

Yikes, we spend roughly 5% of our income on the dc swimming lessons. The thought of pissing that up the wall every month forever...

[troodiedoo]

Following with interest. I've recently finished maternity leave and am not going back, so our household income has halved more or less. Used to give 5 or 10 a week and more on special days.

I've been giving 2/3 pounds a week recently but feel very miserly doing so. Luckily our church doesn't suggest amounts.

[troodiedoo]

@NaiceBiscuits paragraphs showing for me!

Great post.

[specialsubject]

Tell your husband that you are taking over all financial control to ensure correct budgeting. He will have no access to money without asking you. That is because he isn't prioritising the essentials.

See how he likes it. He can tithe by giving free time and effort.

[TheLastMermaid]

When I was younger, I heard about a philosophy that suggested giving (to charity /church /wherever you felt needed it) 10% of your 'leftover' income after what you need. So you'd keep what you need for food, fuel, housing, clothes etc and only give 10% of what's left. It means everyone can afford ten percent (because if you've nothing left, ten percent of nothing is nothing). It makes sense because it's not about what you earn but what you can afford to give.

It's up to your individual values/ conscience to decide what constitutes a necessity - for some that would include private schooling or outlet coffee if they can afford it; others not.

I'd say God wouldn't want you to suffer extra stress while doing the most.important job in the world of ensuring a happy, secure world for your DC's (just because it makes DH feel good, especially when DH doesn't seem to 'get' what pressure you're under). God isn't necessarily the same as 'church' here, although church might also be compassionate about your situation too and not as mercenary as some experience.

Good luck. I hope you find what you need too.

[thegreenheartofmanyroundabouts]

I donate 10% of net income. The guideline from the C of E which is there because people do ask is 5% of net income. I'm probably going to have to reduce this as there are some big bills this year.

Churches get no support from the state so we have to raise the money to pay for our vicar (me) and all our costs from the money we raise from the congregation or what we can raise from hiring the hall.

When we first went to church we were really skint and a couple of pounds in the plate was all we could afford. So that was all we gave.

[daffodildelight]

We tithe and give to numerous charities one of which is our church (who in turn run many charities including local food bank and night shelter). I think it's really important. You just factor in the 10% into everything. It comes into and goes straight out of our bank account before I know it's there. Yes I would love to have that 10% for us as a family but I realise that 10% can give so much more benefit to others who are much more in need.

[daffodildelight]

PS would love to be able to pay anything off our mortgage - we have interest only - can afford a repayment.

[daffodildelight]

That should read - can't afford a repayment mortgage!

[Millybingbong]

I thought we gave a lot but it is only about 1% of our income! Oops!
(no rich landowners at my church)

[Fink]

I tithe 10% but my RC Church are very reticent about asking for money (so we're dirt poor). I would feel very uncomfortable attending a church where they asked for a certain amount/percentage, it looks grabby and doesn't take account of personal circumstances. That said, I do believe it's my duty to support the church and to give a significant amount, not just what I've got left over after I've bought everything I want (n.b. want, not need).

Could you keep a full account of what you spend for 3 months and then sit down together and see how much of the spending is essential, what your priorities are etc? It sounds like you have more concerns than just the money as a figure (your place in the church, beliefs etc.), which would be good for you to discuss as a couple.