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How much do you donate to your church?

(62 Posts)
IrritableBitchSyndrome Sun 28-Jan-18 21:19:13

So, apparently, our church would like 5% of our income. I want to use the money to overpay on our huge mortgage so that I don't have to work until I'm 72. My husband wants to give them the 5%. What level of donation do other church goers with young families make?

Possumfish Sun 28-Jan-18 21:51:53

Just a few quid each week in the collection plate....more if we can afford it. I give my time to help fundraise too

speakout Mon 29-Jan-18 08:15:38

My elderly mother gives 10% of her state pension.

NorthernLurker Mon 29-Jan-18 08:20:57

Is this a non conformist church? It's normal to give significantly yes. If you have the money to 'over' pay then it is obviously discretionary money. You don't need it to keep a roof over your heads. I can see where your husband is coming from. How much do you want to give? Could you compromise on 5% of his income?

user187656748 Mon 29-Jan-18 08:23:42

OMG! 5% of your income. I bet they'd like it!

What type of church is this?

whippswhapswound Mon 29-Jan-18 08:28:44

I left a (very affluent!) CofE Church that asked for a % when they topped it with an email guilt tripping ‘this is only equivalent to your daily coffee down the high street’. One it was the directness to use my email in that way, the other it showed how they had no grasp of the families like us who did not indulge in such luxuries like the well Off middle aged women who’d retired early on huge payouts.

For me, I love the new Church I found (which looking around doesn’t look poorer despite not mentioning money constantly)

IrritableBitchSyndrome Mon 29-Jan-18 08:38:33

It's CofE, and is actually relaxed about money. I had to seek out a regular payment form. The form suggests 5%. We have a big mortgage as it took us ages to buy a house, don't have a car to keep costs down, have a big hole in pension saving, a small child and adult children with families... I suppose I just see the opportunity cost of that 5%. I'm doing my best to reduce our grocery bill to the minimum to try to overpay the mortgage and have a pension, my husband wants to give 5% of our income to the church. He may be morally right, but I feel a strong obligation to my children to achieve financial stability in order to be able to look after them and to fund ourselves in retirement. Argh!

IrritableBitchSyndrome Mon 29-Jan-18 08:41:01

Whipswhapswound. Yeah. What daily coffee down the high street? The one I don't buy at the high street I don't visit whilst I drink tap water and try to avoid unnecessary shopping, perhaps? smile

Pinkandpurplehairedlady Mon 29-Jan-18 08:43:35

I tithe 10% of my gross income. If I really can't afford it one month then I skip a month (for example December and January). I started off tithing 2% and then worked my way up from there as my income / financial commitments changed. Could you comprimise and pay 2.5% tithes and 2.5% towards your mortgage?

Rylanmakesmyheartsmile Mon 29-Jan-18 08:45:02

We give 10% as a standing order and then give extra on top of that for particular causes - special advent offerings for example which go to a specific cause, or natural disaster relief or something similar.

We are far from well off and we have to budget weekly - there are no weekly coffees or treats here either. We have 4 DC, a large mortgage and 2 cars to run on one salary. However, we have always budgeted our giving to the church first, before anything else and then worked out what we can afford after that. (Including when deciding on big purchases like cars and houses)

Nakedavenger74 Mon 29-Jan-18 08:47:36

Utterly disgusting that one of the richest landowners expects you, trying to support a family, to contribute. No different to a lord of the manor expecting his workers to pay money to him.
Don't give them a penny. They have enough.

IrritableBitchSyndrome Mon 29-Jan-18 08:48:30

NorthernLurker I would be happy with a fiver a week and a few pounds in extra collections for specific causes. We've only just joined the church so I don't feel all that settled in yet, and am still working out what I believe and whether I feel comfortable. 5% of his income is three quarters of 5% of our joint income as I took the career break, and stepped down a few rungs to get reduced hours to fit around our child. Hence the big pension hole for me (not him). He leaves me to manage all the flipping finances and I'm not sure he's being realistic. He says 'we won't miss it'. He won't, no, as he will just carry on buying whatever takes his fancy. I will miss it, as it's equivalent to all our grocery shop and fuel bills sad Sigh.

IrritableBitchSyndrome Mon 29-Jan-18 08:51:25

I do have small standing orders for a few charities, and volunteer for a local charity, and donate to homeless people etc etc. I feel very mean to not want to give more at church, but that's how I feel :/

BrazzleDazzleDay Mon 29-Jan-18 08:54:38

Yikes, we spend roughly 5% of our income on the dc swimming lessons. The thought of pissing that up the wall every month forever...

troodiedoo Mon 29-Jan-18 09:05:31

Following with interest. I've recently finished maternity leave and am not going back, so our household income has halved more or less. Used to give 5 or 10 a week and more on special days.

I've been giving 2/3 pounds a week recently but feel very miserly doing so. Luckily our church doesn't suggest amounts.

NaiceBiscuits Mon 29-Jan-18 09:07:05

I have a lowish income. I tithe 10% but it's by choice. The Bible talks about God wanting cheerful givers.... It should come out of you wanting to give, not feeling pressed into it.

What about a compromise?

If your dh wants to tithe 5% and you don't, why not tithe 2.5%....Basically his 5% share of his half of the family income... Then you can use the other 2.5% to overpay the mortgage.

I'm just aware that without a compromise one of you is likely to start resenting the other.

People traditionally tithed 10%, churches recognise how much that is, which is why they often suggest 5%, but it's not compulsory.

However, if people want the church to be able to meet its running costs, including having a minister, then people need to give.

Yes, the Church of England owns a lot of land, but the vast majority of that is the actual churches and vicarages that are needed for ministry. And those don't free up money, they cost money

NaiceBiscuits Mon 29-Jan-18 09:08:52

Sorry, I did use paragraphs but I'm on my phone and when it posted, the paragraphs disappeared blush

troodiedoo Mon 29-Jan-18 09:14:06

@NaiceBiscuits paragraphs showing for me!

Great post.

specialsubject Mon 29-Jan-18 10:05:21

Tell your husband that you are taking over all financial control to ensure correct budgeting. He will have no access to money without asking you. That is because he isn't prioritising the essentials.

See how he likes it. He can tithe by giving free time and effort.

TheLastMermaid Mon 29-Jan-18 11:41:28

When I was younger, I heard about a philosophy that suggested giving (to charity /church /wherever you felt needed it) 10% of your 'leftover' income after what you need. So you'd keep what you need for food, fuel, housing, clothes etc and only give 10% of what's left. It means everyone can afford ten percent (because if you've nothing left, ten percent of nothing is nothing). It makes sense because it's not about what you earn but what you can afford to give.

It's up to your individual values/ conscience to decide what constitutes a necessity - for some that would include private schooling or outlet coffee if they can afford it; others not.

I'd say God wouldn't want you to suffer extra stress while doing the most.important job in the world of ensuring a happy, secure world for your DC's (just because it makes DH feel good, especially when DH doesn't seem to 'get' what pressure you're under). God isn't necessarily the same as 'church' here, although church might also be compassionate about your situation too and not as mercenary as some experience.

Good luck. I hope you find what you need too.

thegreenheartofmanyroundabouts Mon 29-Jan-18 21:03:56

I donate 10% of net income. The guideline from the C of E which is there because people do ask is 5% of net income. I'm probably going to have to reduce this as there are some big bills this year.

Churches get no support from the state so we have to raise the money to pay for our vicar (me) and all our costs from the money we raise from the congregation or what we can raise from hiring the hall.

When we first went to church we were really skint and a couple of pounds in the plate was all we could afford. So that was all we gave.

daffodildelight Mon 29-Jan-18 21:27:50

We tithe and give to numerous charities one of which is our church (who in turn run many charities including local food bank and night shelter). I think it's really important. You just factor in the 10% into everything. It comes into and goes straight out of our bank account before I know it's there. Yes I would love to have that 10% for us as a family but I realise that 10% can give so much more benefit to others who are much more in need.

daffodildelight Mon 29-Jan-18 21:28:57

PS would love to be able to pay anything off our mortgage - we have interest only - can afford a repayment.

daffodildelight Mon 29-Jan-18 21:29:38

That should read - can't afford a repayment mortgage!

Millybingbong Mon 29-Jan-18 21:38:48

I thought we gave a lot but it is only about 1% of our income! Oops!
(no rich landowners at my church)

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