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Does he know I'm thinking of him?

(7 Posts)
yousawmestandingalone Sat 28-Oct-17 17:22:55

I recently found out about someone commuting suicide. I only met him once. He's a friend of a relative. But I can't get him out of my head. He died thinking that he had nothing left to live for because his wife had left him. He had no job (because he was her carer) no family but hers, he was losing his home and most of their friends had become joint friends.

I can't stop thinking about how sad he must have been. What do you think happens when we die? Do you think he can see now that he did have people who cared about him? Can he see that even I, who didn't really know him, am affected by it? Can he see that people do care? He was a good guy. I don't know what I'm asking for. I just want to think that he now knows that he did matter. I don't understand why this has affected me so much.

yousawmestandingalone Sat 28-Oct-17 21:24:50

I know no-one can answer for me. I'm being a bit silly asking for a hand-hold when I have no right to one with this poor man's death!

OutwiththeOutCrowd Sat 28-Oct-17 21:27:43

Aw, yousaw here's a hand for you!

Your story makes me think of the song by Don McLean about Vincent van Gogh.

You took your life, as lovers often do
But i could've told you, Vincent
This world was never meant for one as beautiful as you

It often seems that those with the gentlest, sweetest spirits are destined to die far too soon.

I cannot offer the same sort of certainties that a religious person might, but I do think there’s a chance that this man may have experienced, in the process of dying, the feeling of being loved and cared for that evaded him in life.

The reason I say this is because people who have gone through Near Death Experiences often report that they felt a calmness and sense of being loved. Some remember going through a kind of Life Review in which they get to feel from the inside the emotions of people they have encountered along the way.

Most scientists would say that these apparent experiences are conjured up by the dying brain and aren’t real in an absolute sense. Nevertheless these are the sorts of recollections people come back from the brink with.

So what I’m saying is this man, who you met but fleetingly, could have had the consolation you wished for him, whether as a dying ‘dream’ or otherwise.

It sounds like you may need time to grieve for him, even although you did not know him well.

Have a listen to Starry, Starry Night and shed a tear in memory of a good guy, gone too soon.

It is thoughtful of you to care.

www.youtube.com/watch?v=oxHnRfhDmrk

quencher Sat 28-Oct-17 21:36:55

I will hold your hand.

Ijustlovefood Sat 28-Oct-17 21:45:15

I hope where ever the passed have gone they know that they are loved

yousawmestandingalone Sat 28-Oct-17 21:47:16

Thank you both.

Out- that's really comforting actually. I just needed to hear something like that. I'm going to keep looking back at that to remind myself that it's ok.

If he had been anything other than a really sweet, person, I'd have just thought 'that's sad' and moved on. But he was so vulnerable and his last months were so dreadfully miserable. He really felt he'd lost absolutely everything, well, I guess he had. He left a loving note for his ex, and she wasn't interested in it.

I just wish for him that his last moments weren't spent thinking that he had no-one who loved him. I do hope it was good memories that came to mind.

Vitalogy Mon 30-Oct-17 20:14:57

Starry night is such a beautiful song, always makes me well up.
I feel that they do know. I also believe in reincarnation so we all get another shot, all be it in a different form.
You sound a thoughtful person OP. Best wishes.

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