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Question about Mormons- visiting chaperones?

(20 Posts)
speakout Thu 05-Oct-17 14:07:30

A family member has Mormon missionaries that visit regularly.
Two young men, they always check that there will be a male over 18 in the house, otherwise they can't visit.
Even three adult females in the house is a no go area.

Who is this to protect? Them? Us? From what?

gabsdot Fri 06-Oct-17 09:16:49

Yes this is a rule with Mormon missionaries. It's to protect everyone I guess. They can't be accused of anything and they can't be set upon by randy women. They are young and often handsome after all.
They also aren't allowed to be alone with children or have physical contact with children like hugging or having a kid on their knee. Again to protect them from potential accusations.

speakout Fri 06-Oct-17 19:08:47

Strange though.

They wouldn't visit one day because they needed a male over 18 in the house- even though there were three adult females in the house.
That wasn't good enough- but when my 19 yo son came home, that was fine.

BathTangle Fri 06-Oct-17 19:18:25

I've seen this with other evangelical Christian groups too: a married male friend of mine had to go to London on business and called a married couple he knew to ask if he could stay one night with them. Wife said no because her husband was away and although they had all been friends for 30+ years it was not acceptable for my friend to stay in house with unchaperoned female. My friend was very baffled!

hungrytillater Fri 06-Oct-17 19:22:45

I'm Muslim and follow similar rules. I wouldn't have any male apart from close family in the house unless dh was here. And the same goes the other way, dh wouldn't let a woman in unless I was here.

speakout Fri 06-Oct-17 20:33:58


What about visiting plumbers or electricians? Electricity readers?
This past fortnight I have had the guy in to read the meter, a plumber to replace a shower and fix a bath tap ( took 4 hours), an electrician to replace transformers in dining room ceiling lights ( 3 hours)

I was alone at home with these men.

How would that work in your case? Is it not a bit inconvenient always needing a chaperone?

Are plumbers such a big risk?

It's a bit insulting to plumbers - and women at home alone.

hungrytillater Fri 06-Oct-17 21:22:25

If someone needs to come to.the house we find out the gender and make sure the right one of us is in. We don't see it as inconvenient as we've never done it any other way. It's not insulting to anyone, as it's not making assumptions about the behaviour of anyone. We treat everyone the same and that protects us from any uncomfortable situations.

Akire Fri 06-Oct-17 21:28:16

It’s not a religious thing as such for Mormons. Totally normal for builders etc to be in your home with just a woman. It’s just to protect the men from anything- presumably the lady missionaries have similar rules.

speakout Fri 06-Oct-17 21:30:03

that protects us from any uncomfortable situations.

What uncomfortable situations?

I really am not getting this.
Do we have a big problem with rapist plumbers?

hungrytillater Fri 06-Oct-17 21:38:30

You only need to look at the news to see how many actual/accused instances of sexual harrasment occur. By having a blanket policy everyone is safe while not having to make judgements about specific individuals.

speakout Fri 06-Oct-17 21:41:48

hungrytillater what news?

And how would this blanket policy work?

I'm sorry but it all sounds nuts.

WildImaginings Fri 06-Oct-17 21:43:41

The mormons have definitely been in to have a chat with me with no males in the house. It was a few years ago, but it definitely happened more than once (theology student, interested in what they had to say but not in converting). Two male missionaries.

hungrytillater Sun 08-Oct-17 11:05:17

Google sexual assaults in the UK. Or start a thread on here and see how many women have found themselves in situations they don't want to be in. I realise the approach we take is unusual in this society, but I don't think its 'nuts'. Before I was Muslim I often found myself in uncomfortable situations as I had gone accepted a lift home from someone from work, or something similar, and hadn't realised they had an agenda. This doesn't happen now because I would never accept a lit from any man.

speakout Mon 09-Oct-17 06:28:53

This doesn't happen now because I would never accept a lit from any man.


That is so extreme.

OddBoots Mon 09-Oct-17 06:48:20

People are free to make adaptions to their own behaviour that make them more comfortable but this sounds like there is a certain amount of 'head in the sand' about the existence of homosexuality.

hungrytillater Mon 09-Oct-17 12:46:51

Extreme? Extremely what? (not meaning to sound rude, it's just a strange word to use). Extremely cautious?

OddBoots, that's interesting. I wouldn't feel the same about taking a lift from a homosexual female as I would from a male, maybe because of the difference power relationship.

speakout Mon 09-Oct-17 13:27:56

Yes, I think that's extreme.

It would seriously hamper many jobs for instance.

Never to be alone with another man in a car?
Yes I think that's very extreme.

steppemum Mon 09-Oct-17 13:39:55

Interestingly Billy Graham used to abide by these rules, he would never be alone with a female other than his wife or daughter.

Not in a house, not in a car, never.

he said it was a sensible precaution in this day and age, there is no opportunity for accusations to be made.
I suspect though, in his case, he was aware that as a high profile Christian, it would be too easy to throw mud at him, and he was simply making it impossible to stick.

steppemum Mon 09-Oct-17 13:41:30

oddboots grin

that is so true reminds me of Sandi Totsvig who said something like her parents sent her to an all girls boarding school to keep her away from all the sexual attraction of the boys!!

hungrytillater Mon 09-Oct-17 16:36:23

I work full time in a male dominated profession and have managed fine. My colleagues know that if we go anywhere I'll travel separately though I now realise they probably think I'm nuts and extreme

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