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Being envious of others who are secure in their faith

(24 Posts)
gottaloveascamhun Thu 25-May-17 16:49:38

I definitely believe in God. I've come to believe in my 30s having had no faith and marrying out of church. Recently I've been enjoying my work (teacher) leading collective worship more and more and it's taken on a new meaning for me. I attend messy church with my children and am leading the hymns next week. I'd like to go to family church on Sundays but feel nervous to start going. When I see people secure in their faith who have believed all their life I feel envious. Is this normal?

ollieplimsoles Thu 25-May-17 19:15:54

What do mean 'secure in their faith' ?

catinbooties Thu 25-May-17 19:46:05

I hear you.

I am a plastic catholic. Sort of believe (hopeful). Sort of follow the rules (that I can pick and choose)

I am incredibly jealous of anybody that has real, unshakeable faith. My dear, dear, departed nan had it. When she was dying she had no fear, no doubts. Her faith was astonishing to witness.

I think my lack of faith has defiantly contributed to my general depression and anxiety. I wish I believed. But it's just not one of those things you can fake is it?

catinbooties Thu 25-May-17 19:46:48


SaorAlbaGuBrath Thu 25-May-17 19:47:19

I am hugely envious. I grew up in a very religious household, I had a very strong faith for many years until life knocked it out of me. My mum is dying and she and my dad get so much comfort from their faith. I wish I had it.

Rockefeller234 Thu 25-May-17 19:56:43

Everybody's faith feels 'wobbly' sometimes. Some who look so secure really are not, some of the greatest people of the bible had their faith shaken in times of trouble and just look at the children of Israel...their faith was as unsteady as the ocean. But God is faithful always and knows our weaknesses. He will renew your strength. The fact you recognise your own weakness in this area is a crucial step to growing in faith. Nothing increases faith like reading the bible, from page to page. Just start from Genesis till the end. The bible also says 'faith comes by hearing and hearing by the word of God.'

gottaloveascamhun Thu 25-May-17 20:25:39

I guess I know my faith is there but I see people who have always had a solid Christian background and have grown through it since being children. They seem so confident and can speak about God so fluently. Being at the beginning of my journey I envy how ingrained it is for them. I'm comfortable with where I am but also want to grow in faith.

BroomstickOfLove Thu 25-May-17 20:39:35

I quite like my wobbly faith - I get to ask questions which I think is more interesting than feeling as though I already know it all.

But I do know what you mean about that confident faith background. It would be nice to share my faith with DP and my children and parents rather than have it be something I have to keep low-key around them. I do quite envy families who all go to church together. I think that with that, you are able to commit more because church is less of a compromise. But things are how they are, and there are plenty of people who feel really stifled by the faith of their families, which I think would be worse.

gottaloveascamhun Thu 25-May-17 20:42:10

The belief is there but not the knowledge of the Bible.

gottaloveascamhun Thu 25-May-17 20:44:45

Yes that's true Broomstick. DH is letting me make my mind up and i don't talk about it much with him. He is not religious at all. My children love messy church and have started asking questions about God which is interesting. I should pluck up the courage and go to church on Sunday, maybe by myself the first time then take them another week if I get on well with it.

Blossomdeary Thu 25-May-17 20:48:32

Just be secure in who you are and don't envy others. I am secure in embracing the "not knowing" and happy in my agnosticism. There is no need for your faith (or absence of it) to have to be measured against anyone else. You are who you are.

Westray Thu 25-May-17 22:14:27

No I'm not envious.

I feel sorry for them, to be so deluded and blinkered and yet convinced they are right.

ollieplimsoles Thu 25-May-17 23:08:51

I quite like my wobbly faith - I get to ask questions which I think is more interesting than feeling as though I already know it all.

That depends what questions you are asking.

Niminy Fri 26-May-17 08:23:10

I think wobbly faith is fine - in fact having wobbles is a big part of having faith, even for those who are very secure. Faith and doubt aren't opposites - faith and certainty are.

In any congregation you will find many people who have had times of doubt and times when God seems to be absent. That's a normal part of the life of faith. In fact, it's a necessary part because we need to go from certainty to wobbliness in order to become really secure in our faith.

And not everyone will have believed all their life. Some people are brought up in a religious family and lose their faith, and others (like me) were brought up as atheists and then God finds them. There's fewer of us but we're still here!

It's a wonderful thing to be enjoying discovering God, and it could well b that lifelong Christians would envy that sense of excitement - a bit like wishing you could read a favourite book for the first time all over again.

gottaloveascamhun Fri 26-May-17 13:49:59

Niminy that's a great way of looking at it. Thank you.

Koolchique Sun 28-May-17 19:36:30


Faith grows. Take it one step at a time. God's 'door' is open any time. Like any other relationship, your relationship with God will grow.

There's no particular technique for speaking to God so don't bother about other people's fluency. When your kids were little, in spite of their developing language, they'd communicate with you anyway and you'd respond. Think about God that way grin

Go for it. I'm sure you'd find a church you'd love. X

Strawberrybubblebath Sun 28-May-17 23:23:50

I found my faith grew slowly but God waited for me! Why not mention to someone at Messy Church that you might like to try a Sunday Service? They can look out for you or introduce you to someone. Dot forget you can try different churches until you find one that suits you. I like modern large churches but some like small traditional churches with hymn books, organs, dust and pews.

CardinalSin Mon 29-May-17 10:13:21

The belief is there but not the knowledge of the Bible.

That's hardly surprising. A knowledge of the bible is a great way to turn someone into an atheist. Maybe try reading it yourself, not just listening to the spoon fed fluffy bits they tell you in church...

thegreenheartofmanyroundabouts Mon 29-May-17 10:39:40

Recently I was at a gathering of ministers and we shared how we came to faith. Those who had been lifelong Christians from Christian families who never really doubted that this life was for them were envious of those of us who had had much more convoluted journeys via atheism or alternate spiritualities. Those on the less straightforward journeys got a bit envious of the more straightforward ones. The moral being that someone else's faith journey always looks more interesting than our own!

Those who seem certain may not be as doubt is part of faith. If they are not doubting then they may be at a different stage of faith as the certainty stage, I'm right and everyone else is wrong, is a stage and there are many ways of being Christian. Some pass through this stage and others don't.I found one church that I did a placement in very frustrating as it was full of very kind and genuine Christians but they weren't used to,asking the questions and wrestling with stuff that I was used to in my home church. We are all different and that is good!

cheapskatemum Mon 29-May-17 21:55:40

I used to be envious of people who'd been raised in Christian families and had always had faith, until I heard a sermon about how those who came to faith later knew that they'd been called by God. That was so true for me! I guess it's like thegreenheart says. I also think envy is such a pointless feeling, but sometimes it creeps up on you and is difficult to shake off!

scottishdiem Wed 14-Jun-17 01:42:34

"The belief is there but not the knowledge of the Bible."

This doesnt really matter. So many Christians dont know it and many who do misquote it and others disagree on the meaning of most parts of it.

SBGA Mon 03-Jul-17 03:59:07

Faith comes from hearing and hearing from the word of God (bible).

There's a free bible app where you can press play and have it read to you. Depending on which version you read depends on which accent you get! I stick earphones in and go about my day, or at night I go to sleep listening to that day's episode. It's brilliant.

It's incredibly faith building to read about other people's struggle with faith and how they overcame it. Even people who witnesses Jesus' miracles asked God to help their unbelief.

The bible says all you need is a tiny bit of faith. Ask God and he will increase it.

For me, my faith took a huge leap when I realised if I don't trust God's love then I won't trust his rule in my life, that is to say what he allows in his will (that I secretly disagree with because I don't like it!). I realised if the bible is true then all of it is, which means I need to ask God to help me trust his love for me.

Ask and you shall receive. Seek and you shall find. God WANTS you to trust him and so of course he will increase your faith.

Cailleach666 Mon 03-Jul-17 06:41:42

I feel very sorry for people " secure in their faith".

Pinning their hopes on a mythical character. I see them as misguided, deluded, blinkered and weak.

MaisyPops Mon 03-Jul-17 06:48:13

For me, the people most secure in their faith are comfortable with doubt.

The people who claim to know it all, their theology is the right way and if they don't they loudly claim 'trust in God' etc often feel a little too self-righteous and style over substance for my liking.

I'd decide how you can see your theology lining up e.g. liberal, conservative, Evangelical etc and then go along to a church. Personally, I'm slightly wary of Alpha and new recruits courses because they can be be 10 weeks and then 'decide if you want to be saved and by saved, we mean agree with our theology', but they can be well ran in a way that is open and tolerant.

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