I'm a little lost. I feel that in my mid-30's I should be sorted on the whole faith thing but I'm more confused than ever.
I was bought up CofE, but wasn't strict at all. I went to Sunday school for a couple of years at a young age because all my friends did it, it was the standard thing where I lived. School was closely connected to the nearby church. My parents didn't really attend church, we didn't really speak about religion.
I always felt fairly Christian, felt calm and peace when entering a church but did only attend for celebrations and funerals.
Nowadays, I feel more that traditional religion was created as a control mechanism for the people, I don't think the things in the bible happened, water into wine etc.
I still feel a connection and peace when in a church but I think now, that it isn't so much a religious but a stability peace. Things never change in church, it feels safe and the local ones are the same as they always have been, it never changes and that's comforting.
I have always loved spirituality, I just don't know where to go from here. When I attend school church events I don't pray, I simply don't feel like I can.
I do believe in the universe power, positive thinking and cosmic ordering.
I feel most at happy in woodlands, forests and open wild land, but I don't feel I want to worship trees. :/ Although the most beautiful things are wonderous, sunsets, a clear crisp day, golden leaves...I just love the amazing gifts nature gives us every day.
Paganism is interesting...I don't know enough about it.
I think, in conclusion, I'm muddled and don't know which path I should explore, spiritually. I'd like to look into a path and need some guidance.
I've always thought of cosmic ordering as a kind of prayer, except unfortunately a kind that involves being on transmit, when prayer should be on receive a lot more.
Having said that, when I used to pray, I did a kind of transmitting - it was around a Quaker concept called 'holding someone in the light' - just imagining someone with light around them and then trying to think what would help them. At times I found it surprisingly powerful - a lot of the time, it involved me not DOING anything for them but listening to them and making time for them.
You seem to be searching for a religion, rather than just believing whatever you believe and that's that and I'm not sure why. The truth is that 'from here' you don't really need to go anywhere.
Have a read of Conversations with God by Neale Donald Walsch, I found that fairly helpful, spiritually as it kind of put into words all that I believed anyway. The power of now and the celestine prophecy also make for good spiritual reading.