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I don't know why I'm posting this

(12 Posts)
TheHatOfDoom Sat 11-Jun-16 21:06:25

I'm life long disabled. I use a wheelchair full time and can't go out of the house without my electric wheelchair. And it recently broke. I've been stuck in the house whilst waiting to hear if it can be fixed. It can't be fixed so I must have a new one.

One of my friends got it into her head at this point that getting me a new one would cost £30K. No idea where she got that from. It's more like £6K. The sort of chair that costs £30K is for people substantially more disabled than I am and 2 minutes on google would have told her that.

She is very religious (I am atheist as I have had many people stop me and tell me if I believed I wouldn't be disabled so I lost what faith I have) and immediately started praying that God would make it possible for me to find £30K for this chair. Several days later she found out I'd ordered a new chair and after she told me about her prayer I shared how much it cost. Since then she's been praising God for answering her prayers and making this possible for me and telling everyone about it. It makes me very uncomfortable.

If you are religious would you see this as an answer to your prayers? I'm curious if this is a common feeling in people with faith - I feel I need to address it with her but I don't want to destroy our friendship.

whathaveiforgottentoday Sat 11-Jun-16 21:35:43

As an atheist your friend's response would also make me uncomfortable and make me despair of the lack of logic in some people. I probably wouldn't say anything as it probably wouldn't make her think differently and in my case I would probably end up offending.

TheHatOfDoom Sun 12-Jun-16 00:05:18

Thanks what

Your mentioning logic made me think. If I apply my rational side to the situation I think probably what makes me uncomfortable is that her actions in sharing her answers prayers are making my situation all about her.

I am still wondering about the religious side of this and whether others would view this as "answered prayer" but I think I'm calming down now and this may not be an issue of religion at all.

thecatfromjapan Sun 12-Jun-16 00:13:02

But ... but ... you bought the chair ...

That is so illogical. I'd be very uncomfortable about it, too. It makes absolutely no sense. Her prayer intervention didn't change anything at all.

I can also see your point that it does make the buying of the chair a result of her actions (prayer), rather than yours (buying the chair). It's very odd.

thecatfromjapan Sun 12-Jun-16 00:15:36

I don't know what the status of your friendship is but surely coming to your house and having a cup of tea with you whilst you searched the internet would have been more helpful - if helpful is what she wanted to be.

Still, I suppose praying is a form of having you in her thoughts. And that's well-intentioned, at least.

In my church there are many people with disabilities. Some of the are obvious and many of them are not. I can get very cross with Christians who say that if you believed you would not be disabled or poor or sad or depressed or whatever. It tends to be in the charismatic stream but daft is no respect of denomination.

When I was a child I would pray for a pony but as I grew up I realised that prayer doesn't work like that. These days my prayer is mostly in silence as it is about spending time with the divine. Prayer isn't a cosmic shopping list.

There is some good stuff about prayer on this site:

TheHatOfDoom Sun 12-Jun-16 15:11:29

When I did have faith (not a huge one) many years ago I always saw prayer as a time to think of those close to me, particularly those having a tough time and about finding/sending strength? I've no idea if that makes sense. Praying Hat needs XYZ is alien to me as is claiming it as answered prayer in this situation (should some random person have turned up with the money to pay for my new chair I could see why she'd do that but for money I already had? I don't get it)

Shallishanti Sun 12-Jun-16 15:20:05

this reminds me of the episode of the IT crowd where the boss gets into cosmic ordering and wishes for a helicopter...some time later (after he had ordered and paid for one) ....he GOT ONE amazing huh?
I would be pissed off OP but this is how some religious people think and behave, it's like they have lost all their critical faculties, there's a bit in Pollyanna (I think) where they pray for something- I forget what- and then receive a crate load of crutches....but they are still glad and grateful because....they don't need them!!

Shallishanti Sun 12-Jun-16 15:20:43


peachpudding Mon 13-Jun-16 10:14:12

What a selfish insulting person, don't you wonder why you are friends with her? Wouldn't it have been nice of god, instead of giving you a new wheelchair, actually cured your disability?

This is why religion is so dangerous, they can fit anything into confirming their delusions.

Every time I hear of a mass shooting you hear about the miracle of god saving someone so they can be interviewed on TV.
Or someone facing life threatening surgery being saved by the prayers of well wishers f**k the doctors and surgeons who spent 12 hours operating.

TheHatOfDoom Mon 13-Jun-16 13:55:06

She knows that I would turn down a cure if one was offered (not that one exists) so she probably thought I'd find praying for me to get this money acceptable although she's probably praying for me to be cured too

And yes, sometimes I wonder why we are friends.

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