This is not about religion, BTW. I am not Christian, neither are the people I'm referring to.
I told some relatives recently that I had forgiven them for things that had happened in our shared past. These are relatives with whom I have had a loving but tempestuous relationship. They and I know that we have all had shortcomings and done things that we later regretted. The difference being that they have either come to terms with it or put it behind them. I, OTOH, have only understood and come to terms with it in recent years.
For my own emotional well-being I needed to address the change in my feelings. For so many years I resented them for the way I felt that they had failed me. I don't feel that way any more; I now understand that they did the best they could at the time with the information they had and the emotional skills they had.
I told them this. It came up naturally in a conversation where we would normally have skimmed lightly across the surface and then avoided the potentially painful (for me!) issue. I told them that it doesn't change the past, if anything my forgiveness strengthens my love and respect for them that I finally feel I understand some of what they went through.
They now seem to think that they should feel guilty because I needed to forgive them. That forgiveness implies guilt. I seem to have opened scan of worms. Did I do wrong? Should I have kept my change of heart private?
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Philosophy/religion
does forgiving someone put a burden on them?
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LifeIsGoodish · 30/05/2016 12:19
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